Unsupportive Family

Trauma Columnist · Mar 29, 2010

Like you said, you're an adult: why not pursue what YOU want to do.

Mom needs to just take a backseat in this.

You're living on your own, right?

Shiningstar05 · Mar 30, 2010

At first, my mother was not supportive of me choosing nursing and insisted on pharmacy school. She was very angry, actually. She told me that I don't have the attitude to care for people, and nursing is not the best profession because of what a nurse is "exposed to". She made up all these reasons for me to not go into nursing. I tried pharmacy because of her, and chose to go on with my plan for nursing because it's what I wanted to do. It feels like my calling. And despite what she thinks of me, I do care for people and have an incredible interest in the profession. My mother has lacked in motivating me. Subconsciously, I feel my mother tends to bring me down because she is not happy with her own education and career path. Perhaps, she is jealous or maybe she wants to live through me. Whatever the case, I know what's going to make me happy. I know what I want. I have learned that life is too short to let anyone come in between what I want to achieve and who I want to be. And that's a nurse! I would explain to your mother your true feelings and desire to be a nurse. Tell her that yes, it may be difficult, but you can do it because you want it and you are capable of such an achievement. Ask her to be there for you. If she doesn't, well...life goes on :) Continue on and do what you need to do for your own happiness.

flee43 · Mar 30, 2010

My father and even my grandmother weren't exactly supportive of my decision either and while it hurts for family members to belittle the profession that you've always wanted to pursue, it's also best to just ignore their comments as much as possible. My grandmother balked at the idea of me going to school for nursing, telling me that I could do better (aka go to med school and be a doctor). But no matter how much I weighted it in my mind, I always preferred the nursing model of care. I was upset that a few family members weren't supportive of my decision, but in the end, it's really just about how you're doing this for you and no one else. When your mother sees how happy your are, I think she'll come around. Soldier on and remember that there are many people here who are rooting for you all the way!

slmmarsh · Mar 30, 2010

Thanks for your replies everyone. Yes, I do live on my own. I have two kids, ages 9 and 3.

This is not something I grew up wanting to do but several years ago I had something terrible happend and my husband at the time passed away. Since then, I decided that I wanted to do something to help people. I have always been intruigued (SP?) by the medical field and I have done tons of research on the field and spoken with many nurses I know. Most of them are completely fulfilled careerwise with nursing and they make it a part of who they are.

I feel that I would be great at this as I genuinely care for others and I believe that the patients would actually end up doing more for me than I would for them :)

Twiggi · Mar 30, 2010

I am younger, and do not have the same family issues that you do..

But i wanted to make an observation that there is a suprising stigma that the nursing profession is easy to get into. It's university and very competitive in my province! Not even the rpn is easy to get into. I have a 4.09/4.2 gpa and i was waitlisted. It's VERY oversubscribed. If you talk to students, they will tell you that it's hard, but worth it. The misconception that it's a lesser or easier path is WRONG.

People who are passionate about it deserve to be in the profession, I know your mom has an influence over your life.. But as a 26 something year old with children, she does not have any right to dictate what profession you choose to go into, and in fact, she is certainly overstepping her boundaries. This shouldn't be treated like a crisis where you're about to make the mistake of your life and it's terrible that she can't find it in her heart to support you.

She is out of line, you can ask her to accept your decision but if she will not be supportive you will always have your wonderful fiance who unconditionally will be supportive.

I hope you go for it, and best of luck as a nursing student :)

sourapril · Mar 30, 2010

I am in the same situation. I already have a master's degree in public health but want want more challenging job. I am taking prerequisites and getting ready to apply for nursing school. All my friends and my mother support me except my dad. He wants me to get a government job or work in the health department but I just can't stand the 9-5 lifestyle.

NightOwlGirl · Mar 31, 2010

I understand completely.

I'm 28 and currently in graduate school for physical anthropology, but I'm leaving to become a nurse. My father is completely against it, and thinks I should stay where I am (a prestigeous, private university) and persue a career in academia. It's what I've been groomed for my whole life, and anything less to him is abject failure.

I was just accepted into my first-choice ABSN program, and his only reply was: "Well, that's what you wanted."

Nursing was always something I'd mulled-over as a "back-up plan" (or so I thought), but one can only ignore a calling for so long. I made the decision last year to leave the academic rat-race and begin applying to nursing schools, so I could take a chance on my dream. I want to make an immediate, vital difference in the lives of others, and I'm tired of sitting around debating minutiae with myopic scholars in their ivory tower.

I'll still be doing rigorous science and will have plenty of opportunities to undertake original research, especially if I go on to be an NP (or do graduate work in nursing), but my family doesn't see it that way.

They only see me trading an "unusual, interesting, and exotic" career for one which, in their words, is "ordinary, plebeian, and mechanical."

Oh, and the kicker--if I was really serious about this, I'd just become a doctor. THAT they could respect. :mad:

Anoetos, BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2010

The funny thing, Tabby, is that there is no earthly reason why as an RN you couldn't go on to a career in academia as well.

I could see myself teaching science to fresh faced undergrads after a half dozen years or so in the field and an MS of some variety.

Anoetos, BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2010

Slmm,

It was the death of my father which really got me interested in healthcare.

Previous to that my exposure to it was that of most people, when I went to the hospital or doctor's office for some complaint or another.

My Dad had early onset dementia and was in a VA hospital and I know that they can have a bad reputation, but the one my Dad was at was great, I was especially struck by the care these tiny nurses took of my big, confused, combative father. It was at this time that I began to get the idea that I might be fit to do something similar.

My wife and kids are very supportive of me doing this, so I haven't had the same experience wrt resistance, but again, this is YOUR objective and not anyone else's, and I would encourage you to stick to it. Every good nurse I talk to tells me its the best thing they've ever done.

Regards,

Mike

NightOwlGirl · Mar 31, 2010

The funny thing, Tabby, is that there is no earthly reason why as an RN you couldn't go on to a career in academia as well.
I could see myself teaching science to fresh faced undergrads after a half dozen years or so in the field and an MS of some variety.

I currently DO teach science (inorganic/organic Chemistry) to fresh-faced undergraduates, & I love it! Teaching is both challenging & rewarding--if someday I get to do it as a nursing instructor that would be equally wonderful.

I also know I could go into academia through nursing, but I often forget about that option. I've spent the past decade immersed in my discipline/department & sometimes develop tunnel-vision.

It would also be interesting to go into academia through a more female-friendly field--getting tenure in the hard sciences is often an uphill climb, especially if you want kids before 40!

barlowjb · Mar 31, 2010

I already have a bachelors and masters in Biology and most people expected me to either attend medical school or pursue a PHD. I was told by family and friends that doing nursing was like going "backwards" that nurses were just "wound dressers" and that I could do "better than that". It was a very frustrating period for me because I had done my research and knew that the people who were making these comments were plain and simply ignorant and had little to no knowledge of what nursing entailed. I spent a great deal of time trying to explain to people the different things that nurses did and why it was such a great profession to be in.

Eventually I literally stopped talking about it, it was no longer a topic of discussion with people who did not know what they were talking about. I also volunteered in the ER (initially out of boredom, because I had a lot of time after work and did not have a boyfriend), an experience which sealed the deal 100% for me, I knew I wanted to do this.

Its Your decision to make, its you who has to look in the mirror and ask yourself am I satisfied and comfortable with what I am doing career-wise. If you are not satisfied with what you are doing, you are going to continue being miserable and may even become depressed about it. I don't know what your mother's motive is and I don't want to speculate, in any case the bottom line is that that is her issue that she has to work out.

Keep on loving her, Keep on being respectful of her (you may need her help with your child while you are in school), let her know you understand and appreciate her concern, try not take it too personally or be angry at her, avoid discussing it with her for a while, go ahead and apply to nursing school. Seek people out who can encourage you. Your mom may eventually warm up to the idea and may even express how proud she is of you on your graduation day, like my mother and most of my friends and family eventually did.

Best Wishes