if you're on a unit not by your choice how do you cope?

[Kitty Hawk]

As expected, I woke up this morning feeling worse.

I know none of you know me and can't know the truth, but the way my situation was handled, I was misled. If they had concerns and weren't sure, they should have told me that along the way. I was fed the total opposite. Even that day I was told I did a great job. So to lie to my face then blindside me, I'm rolling between shock and anger. (short story, I was hired as a new nurse, prev worked in LTC 7 mos, and only had 5 weeks orientation for an IMC/ICU...I'm being sent to an ortho floor)

So if any of you had something similar happen, how did you deal with it? I get I should be grateful for a job in this economy, however I don't think that gives anyone the right to treat you like a puppet, this is my life they played with. I was very careful about changing jobs for this exact reason, I wanted to be sure I wasn't making a bad situation worse.

Right now, I seriously regret becoming a nurse. If this is how it's "expected" to be treated b/c there's 10 more people lined up to be in this field, I think that's crap and I'm sorry I quit my previous job to have my confidence constantly being wrecked. Constructive critiscm I can take, outright being lied to and led on....not so much.

[Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN]

You have gotten good advice from the other posters. If you are interested in Pain Management, I can't think of a better place to learn than an ortho floor. Having had several orthopedic surgeries and having nursed my DH through an ankle that now has 13 pins and 3 plates in it, I can tell you that orthopedic pain sucks.

And I agree that put you nose to the grindstone and learn everything you can there. It will only help you when you are able to go to another unit.

And just so you know, this kind of thing happens to ALL of us. Where I work, we get floated to units we've never been in before. I am a Labor/Postpartum nurse with 33 years experience, and when they float me anyplace else, I have to wonder exactly what do they think they are accomplishing, other than to have a body where they didn't have one before.

Good luck.

Really? That's good to know. The director for the pain management place also is a CRNA. So I thought that IMC would be a good stepping stone to that.

Wow, I didn't think L&D got floated anywhere else.

I'm just nervous, I never met this NM not as if it's her choice to hire me really and yet this unit as I've said takes on people who don't work out on different units. But I imagine its their choice to not work out...not have that choice taken away. I guess it's really that feeling that I had no control of this that just makes me sick to my stomach.

[hiddencatRN, BSN, RN]

Okay, longer short story! I graduated June '09. Couldn't find a job for many mos after got LTC Dec. worked there for 7mos, got hired for the IMC.

The IMC/ICU here are closely linked. Same NM for both. and you can be floated to ICU aft. 6mos. Important to note, the NM there now is not the one who hired me. People say it's complete chaos right now b/c the prev. NM is known to be awesome. She left to another hospital in the system to literally clean it up and get it functioning the way this one did. I didn't involve myself in the drama as people gossip, it's all about perspective and there's good and bad in everything.

It was supposed to be 6 weeks of orientation one of which is the ICU, so 5 on IMC. I got four and that was even broken b/c the one class started on a Wednesday so I'd have one day that week on the unit, counting as unit time not class time, even though the rest of the time was in class.

She told me flat out that she wasn't about to lose the investment that she had in me. That I'm where I should be skill wise, and I'm expecting more of myself than they are. She feared b/c the ave. exp of the nurses in IMC is 2 years, I'd have no one to really go to for questions! I'd like to know what really changed between all of her encouraging talks and now. It's not like it's new knowledge they're not really experienced nurses.

She met with me at least twice a week to touch base. She apologized profusely for setting me up with the wrong IMC preceptor in the first place and setting me off wrong. (previously she said this) I never complained about said preceptor, it was found out she wasn't right as to how she taught me to do some things...they were incorrect. This was found out 3 weeks into my orientation. I had no idea I was being taught wrong, I was new!

If she would have said, considering my background and the intense circumstances she had concerns and wasn't sure how this would go but let's see...I would have appreciated/respected that.

She didn't do that, she lied to my face repeatedly telling me I was doing fine and all the things I was experiencing was normal. I sat with my ICU preceptor the day before going over my book were you're rated 1-5 on things like time management/priortizing/indepence etc.... She went through point by point saying "you're fine there, no problems...this one, you need to work on a little bit more, but you'll get there I have no doubt" etc....She flat out said if she didn't have faith in me and think I was doing fine she wouldn't tell me I was!

I would have rather had upfront info so I could have decided on my own if I wanted to transfer, instead of feeling like this. I get it's probably stupid to feel like this, but now Monday instead of the blue scrubs I had to go buy, I go back to wearing white as was mandatory in my LTC...my hours changed completely so I feel like I've been demoted.

Really though I do see that I don't have near the knowledge base to take on this position, trust me I get that. I'm ticked of the handling of it. Of the misleading. I shouldn't have been literally forced fed that I'm going to do great and they'll help me in anyway and on and on....to then just pull a rug out. Maybe I dodged a bullet, but today it doesn't feel like that.

Thanks for elaborating

It sounds like you WERE doing fine and it was the unit that was just not set up to give you the orientation you need to be sucessful. You were where you should be expected to be as a relatively new grad on a new unit with a high patient acuity, but they didn't have a good preceptor for you, they didn't give you the full orientation, and they didn't feel like they had the experience on the floor to be a resource for you after orientation. 6 weeks orientation to the unit is CRAZY anyway- I've seen more than that on much lower acuity floors.

I think it's ok to be disappointed, but honestly, it sounds like they failed you, not the other way around, and are transfering you to a department that will be able to provide you the training and support you need.

[DCtraumarn]

You have a good opportunity on your Ortho floor. Get to know and earn the respect of your doc's. The patient population will be a mix of folks with joint replacements - this is big business and most of these patients are there for elective surgery and tend to be healthy (had to pass the pre-op screening). You will have the opportunity for pain management (ortho doc's and anesthesia working together) and good outcomes - it will be good experience.

You will also have a mix of elders with broken parts and they may be a bit more challenging - but rewarding at the same time.

I worked Ortho both both First Day Surgery (large hospital in VA that does enormous volume of joints) and post-op at a large Big 10 academic medical center. It was a good experience, my peers were great and the physican's amazing.

All is not lost. Take it as a learning experience.

[Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN]

You have a good opportunity on your Ortho floor. Get to know and earn the respect of your doc's. The patient population will be a mix of folks with joint replacements - this is big business and most of these patients are there for elective surgery and tend to be healthy (had to pass the pre-op screening). You will have the opportunity for pain management (ortho doc's and anesthesia working together) and good outcomes - it will be good experience.

You will also have a mix of elders with broken parts and they may be a bit more challenging - but rewarding at the same time.

I worked Ortho both both First Day Surgery (large hospital in VA that does enormous volume of joints) and post-op at a large Big 10 academic medical center. It was a good experience, my peers were great and the physican's amazing.

All is not lost. Take it as a learning experience.

I like the idea of the healthy population, I hope there's some of that, instead of the moreso circling the drain in CC.

One of things I really liked about IMC is the teamwork. I liked that everyone pitched in. Even being new, if I heard an alarm or something I'd try to investigate and see if it was something I could handle like hanging a new basic infusion or something. I would think ortho would require teamwork, but I've seen otherwise.

I have no idea what to expect here. My experience in NS, I actually rotated on ortho quite a bit, in fact I didn't get much medsurg time at all b/c my instructor was assigned to this floor and I had her for a double rotation that no one else did. I wish I could say I learned a lot but I didn't. And the nurses that worked there were horribly crabby with students and each other, they didn't help each other at all. It was a depressing unit as I remember. This is a completely diff hospital/system.

I'm trying to turn this into positves I am. I'm trying to focus on what I do really have to be thankful for like my wonderful husband and son. Peppered with the sadness that I wish so much I could talk to my mom b/c she always knew what to say and she's been gone now 2 years....and so the tears start again.

Even though my norm when I'm super stressed and anxious/upset is to not be able to eat at all, my stomach just goes into knots...for some reason I'm able to eat junk like chips, cookies and ice cream. I guess b/c it's a more embarrassing frustration than true angst that I can eat although not eating nonstop. And I guess I can add to my list to be thankful for my good genetics to enable me to do that and the common sense to know not to totally pig out! Jeez I'm really reaching on that 'thankful' list. Okay my lovely dog is relatively healthy.... I'm back on track.

I know it's not the end of the world, but wow do I feel sucker punched and I try to lay down and rest and all the thoughts start swirling again and I can't sleep, I keep having nightmares and jerking awake. I hate this. I really do. Maybe I'll feel better after I see what I'm dealing with on Monday. I don't know. Thanks for all the support and letting me whine and type this out...it does provide some relief in a weird cathartic way.

[DCtraumarn]

Good Luck Kitty Hawk . Keep us posted!

[Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN]

Wow, I'm completely speechless today. I had an email back and forth w/my former NM as I was taking the one poster's advice on securing a letter of recommendation for down the line. Mind you SHE was the one who apologized for the wrong preceptor and she's the one who said she would gladly hire me back in a year. I guess this was more of her lies. I won't bore you with the details of her email, but even reading it to my husband he thinks she has serious issues. I never would have pegged her as a jekyll/hyde type but wow.

And I'm seriously sick of her telling me I was going into my 9th week. According to the calendar, I started Aug 16th. That tommorow would be my 8th week. Being 3 of those weeks were classes, that left 4 total between IMC/ICU ot sure why she can't see that.

All I know is if I was even given the choice, I don't want to work that unit. I convinced myself for the skills/knowledge, but a huge part of the pt pop is DT/EHOH and it'd be one thing to see that one day in an ED, but to deal w/them for a week or so in restraints etc....no thanks.

I am so, so sorry I put myself and family through hell for the last few years, to wind up a mess. Unsure about anything and everything r/t work but fairly sure I can't stand the hosptial or it's politics. I can't stand the backstabbing and I"m sorry for those that think that's okay b/c that's just "how it is". I'm sorry this is my world now and I'm owned by this place until I've done my time and that's what it feels like right now. Doing time for no crime.

I gave up a 9-5 world and every weekend off for this??? OH MY GOD ...how stupid could I be? I wanted to do this for the reciprocity of touching lives and hearts in a meaningful way. What a freaking joke. I'll update after meeting my new NM tomorrow, but frankly I'm so ticked at the treatment so far, I'm expecting nothing so I have very little to be disappointed about. Really nothing short of wonderful could make up for my experiences so far, and I know that's not going to happen, it's unrealistic. All I know is I didn't experience this level of grief and disrespect in my former job. And just b/c this is healthcare and to be expected is a lousy excuse.

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

Can I give you some advice-I can see how upset and angry you are and I think it is totally understandable I would be feeing the same. Please please take a deep breath, some time out and try and think rationally-the reason I say this is because you need to have a clear head tomorrow. You need to go in to see your new nurse manager without emotion because you do not and I repeat do not want to go in there and say anything you may regret.

Accept ICU is not for you at this time, use this experience as a learning curve and go to your new job with a smile and positiveness. In a few weeks when things are less raw then you can revisit this issue in a safe environment.

I strongly recommend you take no more advice from here but remove yourself from the situation.

Wow, I'm completely speechless today. I had an email back and forth w/my former NM as I was taking the one poster's advice on securing a letter of recommendation for down the line. Mind you SHE was the one who apologized for the wrong preceptor and she's the one who said she would gladly hire me back in a year. I guess this was more of her lies. I won't bore you with the details of her email, but even reading it to my husband he thinks she has serious issues. I never would have pegged her as a jekyll/hyde type but wow.

And I'm seriously sick of her telling me I was going into my 9th week. According to the calendar, I started Aug 16th. That tommorow would be my 8th week. Being 3 of those weeks were classes, that left 4 total between IMC/ICU ot sure why she can't see that.

All I know is if I was even given the choice, I don't want to work that unit. I convinced myself for the skills/knowledge, but a huge part of the pt pop is DT/EHOH and it'd be one thing to see that one day in an ED, but to deal w/them for a week or so in restraints etc....no thanks.

I am so, so sorry I put myself and family through hell for the last few years, to wind up a mess. Unsure about anything and everything r/t work but fairly sure I can't stand the hosptial or it's politics. I can't stand the backstabbing and I"m sorry for those that think that's okay b/c that's just "how it is". I'm sorry this is my world now and I'm owned by this place until I've done my time and that's what it feels like right now. Doing time for no crime.

I gave up a 9-5 world and every weekend off for this??? OH MY GOD ...how stupid could I be? I wanted to do this for the reciprocity of touching lives and hearts in a meaningful way. What a freaking joke. I'll update after meeting my new NM tomorrow, but frankly I'm so ticked at the treatment so far, I'm expecting nothing so I have very little to be disappointed about. Really nothing short of wonderful could make up for my experiences so far, and I know that's not going to happen, it's unrealistic. All I know is I didn't experience this level of grief and disrespect in my former job. And just b/c this is healthcare and to be expected is a lousy excuse.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Oh Kitty Hawk. Here is one "good thing"

1. You now know, you don't want to work that ICU at all anymore with that management (even if they'd take you back, and pay you)!

Clarity is nice isn't it?

Now you can go on. Go to work at your new job, leave the old one behind. Keep your ears open to find where your old manager is working... but be quiet about it!!! hint;)

[Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN]

Oh Kitty Hawk. Here is one "good thing"

1. You now know, you don't want to work that ICU at all anymore with that management (even if they'd take you back, and pay you)!

Clarity is nice isn't it?

Now you can go on. Go to work at your new job, leave the old one behind. Keep your ears open to find where your old manager is working... but be quiet about it!!! hint;)

Yes, actually clarity is excellent. I just talked to my stylist (he's a great therapist ) and it's the 2nd vote to get out of nursing. I'm seriously considering it.

I'm not doing anything stupid tomorrow...I was just venting on the board. Perhaps that's a mistake on here, I don't know.

Age has it's benefits, I'm getting back to the me I used to know that knew...some things just aren't worth the grief and sometimes you need to cut your loses and go. As far as tomorrow, they're on trial here, not me any longer. If I don't like what I see/feel...I will most likely leave as soon as I can.

I may even explore how to go into a research science or holistic nutrition researcher. Something like that I think, that deals with natural well being. Not nursing research as I don't think I want to spend any time on the floor unless a miracle happens. I'm learning I don't really care for hands on patient care, if I made a list about the cons of nursing right now, the list would be pretty long...that's telling me something and for once I'm listening and not ignoring. I'm tired of apologizing for my shortcomings in this field, I'm finally accepting my limitations and will most likely cut my losses sooner rather than later.

I thought before I needed to stay boxed in to do something with my RN. I'm now thinking that's not the case. It's not the worse thing that it turned out to be an oops, but there's no sense dragging out the misery. I have my husband's suppport and that's all that matters. My parents are both gone (my mom always had her doubts, towards the end of my schooling she told me she was proud...she died 9mos before I finished...but I'm thinking I should have listened to her original concerns) anyway that leaves friends and relatives, and my friends will understand and the relatives...oh well.

It's okay, really. I feel good. I no longer feel pressured about tomorrow or what's to come. If it feels wrong, I'm done... that simple. And it feels really, really good to stop trying to kill myself or kid myself that this is going to grow on me and/or get better in a year.

My previous NM did indeed do me a huge favor, she sped along a clarity that I should have realized sooner. I've been miserable since I've graduated and I own it now and it's okay. I always used to say, if a decision is right...it will be surrounded by peace not inner turmoil, I just lost sight of that for awhile...I have it back and it's all good.

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

Kitty Hawk,

please don't think that your decision to go into nursing for, among other things, making a difference or having meaningful work (I believe I read this in one of your posts) was wrong just because you were wronged in your first hospital job; you are so not alone in this!!! I had horrible experiences in not one, but three hospital jobs (oncology - loved it, but the NM was an evil witch; the other two were stepdown units, so I know exactly where you're coming from). In between I did chronic and acute dialysis and although this had its own problems, I found it far more satisfying than any hospital floor job I had. And it has definitely become clear to me that acute care is not for me - but this doesn't mean that nursing is not for me. (I would go back to dialysis, but some things - like the 5:00 a.m. start time - just wouldn't work for me now. So now I'm seriously considering hospice.)

Tomorrow you will do just fine. At least pretend like you're excited about this transfer - you don't want your NM or coworkers to know how you really feel (or that this transfer was not your choice). Do not say one bad word about your previous unit or NM or that you have been wronged. They don't want to hear this and - believe me - it will get back to you old NM and she can make a lot of trouble for you (as I assume became clear in her email.) Also, don't pretend that you didn't work in the other unit (like someone suggested). Hospital gossip is vicious and rampant, they will find out! Just say that you prefer to work in a less acute unit; nothing wrong with that at all!!!

Much of what you write makes me think that you're so much like me in the way you approach nursing, that's why I can relate so well. But I know you will get over this and do well on your new floor (yes, ortho would not be my first choice either, but it does have its positives: lots of learning opportunities, pain management, many healthy pts in for just a knee replacement, etc.)

All the very best, keep us posted (and yes, it is perfectly OK to vent here )

DeLana

[Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN]

Update:

Good news....Today didn't suck!

This unit also seems very nice. Nice people...not quite as friendly as the other group but nice so far nonetheless. Everyone said huge welcomes prior to coming to this hospital, I'm not used to that, so I thought it was unique to the unit I was on, maybe it's the hospital.

I ran into a former co-worker who commented that I looked fantastic and that the stress has melted away from me. So I guess that's all good. My former NM was in a pow wow w/some others that I knew, so since I was bright and cheery...she matched that....even told me to stop down and chat if I wanted later. That's okay no need. I told her this was good b/c I would have killed myself for her unit. She says she knows I would have, but truthfully I wouldn't have been happy with the population type, so I guess it's great I figured that out in such a short time, instead of being stuck there for a year or so.

I learned my new preceptor and precepted a bunch of nurses that have gone onto the PACU so that's really good to know, that this can be a good segway to there and eventually pain management. I'm learning I like the constant in and out and changing faces of pts.

There seems to be a ton to learn regarding pain. And I see we even give blood, so that's interesting. Even a heparin drip. But overall it's so quiet!! I'm not used to not hearing the constant "bonging" from monitors and that seems disconcerting and at first I feared I may get bored super quick. But it's a good group of doctors. They're known in the area for ortho and people actually cross states to come here for this. And I learned that there's a special peds program they're involved with q Friday so that's really cool to get some peds training in as well.

I'm pleasantly surprised, but cautious...b/c I absolutely loved the other unit b/c of the people I worked with, not the pt group. This seems pleasant all around. The pts are with it and exchange nice convo. Thanks DeLana for understanding me pretty good and not taking all of my venting in the wrong way I've just been so tired of being miserable for the most part re hours etc....

And yes, I'm still not thrilled about wearing white. Not in any status change way...but just I think it's absolutely ridiculous for nurses to wear white, esp pants. What can I say? I don't like tan/pink panties to rule my life!

[jjjoy, LPN]

OP, thanks for sharing your continuing journey. I appreciate your need to vent and I relate to some of the feelings you've expressed. I felt so miserable in a couple of different nursing jobs. I currently work with clinical data and am learning about information systems. I don't like to think of myself as the kind of person satisfied sitting in a cubicle in front of a computer... but not wanting to rip my hair out daily has definite benefits!

And hey, talking about gratitude lists... if tan/pink panties make the complaint list, it can't be too bad of a day! Two suggestions... solid opaque leggings under a pair of white pants allow any undies and aren't as restrictive as support hose. And see if you can find white pants of a really sturdy material; they're not as thin, resist wrinkles, and last longer through many washings. I've heard of people having their work scrubs hand-made so that they could choose the material and it not costing much. I wear business casual now. I'd prefer to wear comfy athletic shoes to work, but if that's my big complaint...

Best wishes as you navigate the future!