Why is it that there is always that one person who feels it is necessary to spread rumors and talk about everyone? I cannot stand it when people gossip. It drives me absolutely crazy when I hear something about someone or myself that is absolutely not true, especially when the one starting all of the rumors also talks about herself like she is the "Cats Meow".
Sorry, I just need to vent. Someone at work has been spreading silly stories about a few of us and it has really bored a hole under my skin. She puffs her chest out like she is the top banana when she is no better than anyone else, and tries to make people feel below her. You know the type...makes a mistake and it is never "Her" fault. Drives me nuts.
Everyone knows who and what she is but it still bothers me. I bite my lip and pretend to not notice or should I say...I pretend that it does not bother me...Management is aware and they just let it happen. I am afraid that some unsuspecting person is going to blow up one day. Which means they will look like the bad one and not her....GRRRRRRR!
Please do not take me wrong on this. I would normally tell someone what I think but this is a special situation. So, I am choosing to wait, NOT Ignore, this for now. She has made several enemies due to her mouth. So, the way that I see it is this...She is digging her own grave. It will come around and she will learn to regret her gossiping and snotty ways. Too many people are angry. And on another note...she has already lied to a few of us. She told some people things and then a few days later the story changed...like I said "Digging her own grave". Besides I do not socialize with this woman outside of work so in the big scheme of things she does not matter. I was just venting about it.
Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
Here's what you do: Confront her as a group. Bring up all the lies she has said about each of you, back each other up right there on what she said, and watch her squirm. I've done this a couple times and it worked. She'll either quit the gossipping or quit the job. A win-win situation, if you ask me.
The way to handle a trouble maker is to call them on the carpet. Make your point across in a professional manor, explain to them that working conditions can only improve if their attitude does! Mention that a team is not a team with a opponent!
I often use humor with these types. I will highjack the conversation by making a bizarre comment that vaguely and critically addresses what they said but isn't confrontational. It throws them off-balance and defuses the intensity of their remarks.
"Did you hear so and so made a med error?"
"Really? Personally, I don't consider it an error unless the patient dies. Heh heh."
Another strategy with negative people and gossip mongers is to quickly look for an opening in the conversation and then don't stop talking. Even gossips can't stand a bore.
"Did you hear so and so made a med error?"
"Really? That reminds me of an E.R. rerun I saw last night. That nurse, what's her name, the one with black curly hair, she was taking care of a patient and she gave him the wrong blood! Then just this morning I heard on the radio that Rite Aid is offering new color coded lids for their prescriptions so that family members won't mix up their meds. What do you think of that? I would probably pick blue, It's my favorite color. Well, it's my favorite color now. I used to like green...."
Or everytime someone gets in your face to gossip you could interrupt them and ask for HELP. That'll get them out of your face and probably keep them out.
I often use humor with these types. I will highjack the conversation by making a bizarre comment that vaguely and critically addresses what they said but isn't confrontational. It throws them off-balance and defuses the intensity of their remarks.
"Did you hear so and so made a med error?"
"Really? Personally, I don't consider it an error unless the patient dies. Heh heh."
Another strategy with negative people and gossip mongers is to quickly look for an opening in the conversation and then don't stop talking. Even gossips can't stand a bore.
"Did you hear so and so made a med error?"
"Really? That reminds me of an E.R. rerun I saw last night. That nurse, what's her name, the one with black curly hair, she was taking care of a patient and she gave him the wrong blood! Then just this morning I heard on the radio that Rite Aid is offering new color coded lids for their prescriptions so that family members won't mix up their meds. What do you think of that? I would probably pick blue, It's my favorite color. Well, it's my favorite color now. I used to like green...."
Actually, I regularly use both of these techniques. I can't say that improves my reputation among employees or my supervisors; however, I can say that it does help to keep me out of the gossip loop. Something else that I do is to try to talk about new things I have learned that impact the field of nursing.
I prefer these types of communication all though I really do go wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy overboardddddddddd with my crazy sense of humor. I guess for me it is a little better to be a nut than to harm others with gossip or be involved with the mess.
Hey, I'm sorry OP, I didn't address what you said. Okay, I have found myself in a sticky situation as well. I kept my mouth shut only to have that choice tear down my own soul. I tried to make friends with the enemy, only to discover that I am quite okay as is. In addition, if I ever find myself in this situation again, I will definitely be changing jobs. No one should ever have to feel bullied or "put-down" at work.
I figure it this way, if people are gossiping, then something (or the whole thing) about their own life must suck, and gossiping about others is their only way to feel better. That would be a sad (pathetic) way to live.
So true, and it's best to tell the gossip'er just what you have written here, infront of others this person has hurt. The best way to deal with people like this is open and direct. The gossip'er is not open and direct.
sometimes these things can go too far. i was working at a facility with a group of staff that were notorious for gossiping and causing problem for those that were outside their clan.
i once went to a convention and while i was gone someone decided to call my husband and tell him that the reason i went was to cover up the fact that i was having an affair. (i absolutely was not) he then started getting emails graphically detailing my supposed infidelity.
there was one employee that had my husbands email address (because i gave it to her so she could forward on a joke to him) but she was the only one. this actually went on for a few weeks and worsened in intensity.
the joke was on them as my husband and i have a very strong relationship and this incident only made it stronger. my point is though, this type of behavior can escalate into much bigger problems than "just gossiping" if left unnoticed.
i ended up getting a great job offer and left this job abruptly as i just could not take any more. i really don't think that was the best solution for the actual problems, but it kept me sane. i am quite sure after i left they targeted someone else and the problem continued.
good luck with your co-workers and just remember things can get out of hand if allowed to.
interesting, it was best to leave. i believe you were dealing with a sociopath, a very dangerous person.
Or everytime someone gets in your face to gossip you could interrupt them and ask for HELP. That'll get them out of your face and probably keep them out.
That's genius! Or better yet, you could ask them for money/a loan...
"By the way, since I've got you here, could you spot me 20 until payday?"
This post has got me thinking about great conversation stoppers. Here's some more:
1. My boyfriend/husband is so wonderful...
2. Let me tell you about the dream I had last night...
3. I know some great crockpot recipes...
4. You know what my child/grandchild did that is so cute...
5. I had my gallbladder taken out in 1995...
6. I have been so depressed lately...
7. I've started some new knitting projects...
8. Have you ever used Amway/Avon/Herbalife products. I'm a representative, you know...
9. My kid is having a candy fundraiser at his school...
10. My church is so great. You should come to the service this Sunday...
Most bullies are just trouble makers, and are harmless when dealt with quickly.
However, there a dangerous bullies. If you read "The Sociopath Nextdoor" by, Martha Stout, Ph. D. you will gain a good understanding of how to spot a dangerous person, and how to deal with them. You will also learn alot about yourself. There are also many other books on this subject that are good.
These are the sick people who we see all to much of as bullies in the workplace.
everytime someone gets in your face to gossip you could interrupt them and ask for HELP. That'll get them out of your face and probably keep them out.
NurseyPoo, RN
154 Posts
Please do not take me wrong on this. I would normally tell someone what I think but this is a special situation. So, I am choosing to wait, NOT Ignore, this for now. She has made several enemies due to her mouth. So, the way that I see it is this...She is digging her own grave. It will come around and she will learn to regret her gossiping and snotty ways. Too many people are angry. And on another note...she has already lied to a few of us. She told some people things and then a few days later the story changed...like I said "Digging her own grave". Besides I do not socialize with this woman outside of work so in the big scheme of things she does not matter. I was just venting about it.