Trouble on the homefront

[exit96]

Guys,

Up until Jan '07 I had always worked in a male dominated environment by far. A few women scattered about the factory, but not many. I went to college in Jan '07, got my Associates, am starting the RN program in one week, and work on the med/surg floor at the hospital. I little preface, then my question: Been married to my wife for 2 yrs., my home life is very stressful again, raising kids, I have my own need of some counseling (my mind) and serious anxiety/ depression issues..at least it is serious to me. I have never been dx'd as major depressive or any such thing, I just know that it is time to get some professional advice...anyway here is what I seem to be experiencing: ever since I started college, my wife seems to have a very hard time accepting the fact that I am around women all the time now. She would say that it is not a problem but actions/suspicions say otherwise. She has become totally insecure..I do try to remember that this is hard for her and I as well. I am sure I miss the boat on some things, but she is an attention monger and I just can't seem to make her feel wanted/loved...it is getting very tiring!! Did any of you men experience your wife or girlfriend freaking out on this type of stuff? I am sure there is more to it, but this seems to me to be a major problem. Side note: if she knew how the Nurses I work with talked she would "have a canary!!" Thanks for listening...any similarities in your experience?

D:scrying:

[silliemunkie]

This is my opinion/recommendation

Both of you need to attend some couples counseling sessions. This problem is not going to go away on it's own. Some professional guidance will help you find some happiness. Along with counseling, you need to reassure her that work is work, you are committed to her, and your family.

Jason

[groovy jeff, RN]

Ditto what silliemunkie said.

[chiromed0]

Define Happiness? You've only been married a couple of years...I'm on my way to 20. There's a big difference b/t the two no matter what job you have. Knowing what the heck it means to be "happy" for you will go a long way towards knowing if you 'are' happy already or will 'EVER' be happy even if she/you changed 100%.

I've told my wife about co-workers, patients and hookers as patients saying all sorts of lewd comments to me. I wouldn't trade my wife for any of them and I make it a point to tell her that every chance I get. Bottom line is you don't really have much control over someone else's insecurities, just your own. It can and will drive you nuts if you try to change "them" instead of "you". Don't let a day go by that she has to wonder if she's first "lady" in your life and then just hope/work towards the best relationship you can have. That's all you can do. Marriage ain't perfect, it's not stationery and will evolve...just stay flexible and encourage her to do the same.

As far as counseling goes...I guess it helps some people. My only experience with it was losing $80/hr to have someone keep asking me "why?"...heck, I can do that myself in a mirror and get the same answer.

[caliotter3]

Talk to her about your activities in school and then at work. Come home from work at the right time and do other things to reassure her that your attention is with her and the family and that you aren't putting your energies elsewhere. Talk to her about her and the family and your mutual goals as a family. Women love it when their significant other talks to them about their family.

[Argo]

I agree with chiromed except the counseling. I'm pretty sure you will fin it helpful to you or her or both. I made my wife go just before I started my nursing program, she sorted out a lot of her issues that had nothing to do with me. Without it we would be divorced as that was the next step. We are extremely happy now, almost scary happy. We have been married 10 years now, together 12.

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

Just a heads up on the date of the original post.