Traumatized by first patient passing

snowfreeze, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2006

Try talking to the RN who was also there.

bargainhound, RN · Jul 28, 2006

You will get there. Have faith and patience in yourself.

Your role is to support them. Once you have your own ideas

straight about your personal feelings about death/dying process

you will be more comfortable.

Hang in there and don't give up on yourself.

KScott · Jul 28, 2006

Any advice on how to come to terms with my own feelings (I guess the feelings of saddness and fear) and remain professional?
Thanks.
Rachel

I'm sorry for your loss, even if you only knew her for a minute. Allow yourself to grieve and be grateful you can. You will be alright.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2006

I work at a nursing home and, yes, favorite patients die quite frequently. I have become comfortable with my own personal views and thoughts on death and dying. Once you know exactly where you stand on the issue of death and dying, you will able to approach these situations professionally as well as compassionately.

You cannot provide effective emotional support to the grief-stricken family members if you are breaking down, too. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

HARRN2b · Jul 29, 2006

Take time to heal your self.

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Jul 29, 2006

One thing I typically will suggest highly for student nurses and CNA's is that they really must strive to find their own personal beliefs and thoughts about death. If you are strong within and have a good foundation spritually and emotionally about death and dying...it seems to be a bit more tollerable.

Me for instance...even graduation from nursing school, I had never seen a dead person or anyone on hospice in the process of passing. I knew this was going to be a tender spot for me, and searched deep and hard about what it is I feel about death and dying. I did find out that I do believe in GOD, I do believe we do go someplace after this, I really do believe that life and death are a necessary cycle, and I do believe...especially after now countless passings I have witnessed...that I was/am there for a reason...that for some reason I am there to be the family and patients strength, calm, support, and help them pass with dignity and peace.

Then once I thought harder about it...I sure hope when my time comes...someone is thinking that exact same for me!

Death is an unknown, it is scary, it is sad, and harbors so much deep and sometimes dark mystery about it...no wonder we all feel the dread and the sorrow when it comes. This is NORMAL, and once you figure out true to your own heart how you fit into it...the darkness fades a bit more and the facts of how we die and why we die comes in bringing a bit more light.

I know I have told this story before, but it is a good one! My first day of RN school, a teacher had us paint a one page paper in the colors we associate with death. Most were greys and blacks in swirls or odd patterns...some used blues and purple hints or even red. We talked about our own experiences and why we chose the colors and style. Little did we know but the teacher put them all away for graduation!

Just before graduation she had us all paint on a heart shaped piece of paper all the colors we associated with our sucess and happy feelings of nursing! WOW..quite the opposite...reds/pinks/vibrant lovely colors! We were so happy and rembered the first painting but weren't prepaired for what was next!

The teacher took each painting...put the heart ones on the front of the other..laminated it, and FRAMED them in wonderful frames!!!! Then at the last few days of school she returned them to all of us!

She told us to always remember how we feel about death and dying...but to remember ON TOP OF IT...the pride, happiness, and sucesses accomplished being healthcare members. That alone the pictures were incomplete...together they were beautiful, and that is life, and someday will come to realize, death itself.

Coolest visualization and pause for thougth I think I ever went through..and that got me thinking about my own personal beliefs and how I can take all the colors of all the emotions of death, and create a colorful whole and feel good about my role in it~! SO far so great!

Good luck to you...I wouldn't ever say it gets easy, but learning your place in the cycle and being your best in it...that is what makes the difference in more ways that just yourself .

rds007 · Jul 29, 2006

Thank you all for your supportive replies and sympathy. I think part of the difficulty for me was my knowing the pain of loss that the husband was feeling (I lost my mother when I was 17 and my father when I was 21) and part of it was with the unforgiving finality of death.

TriageRN 34, your story of the paintings during nursing school really helped put some perspective on things for me. It brought tears to my eyes! You so eloquently helped give me understanding of my role in situations like this.

Thank you so much

Rachel

dawn30 · Jul 29, 2006

I worked as a CNA for 2 years before becoming an LPN. I worked on a med surg floor in a small hospital and I can still clearly remember when and who my first patient was that passed. The first time is the hardest and it will stay with you for a very long time. I'm not saying that it ever gets easier to lose a patient but you do learn to deal with it better. And by the way, it is ok to cry with your patients family as long as you don't fall apart and make it worse for them. We are human too, we feel greif right along with those who were closest to the patient.

begalli · Jul 29, 2006

I can still clearly remember when and who my first patient was that passed.

Me too. I don't remember his name but I remember what he looked like to a tee. It is an image that will forever be in my heart. It was not a bad experience, it was something that was going to happen and he was alone. I felt such a profound priviledge to be the one with him. I will never forget.

I personally had to step away from nursing for almost a year because of several deaths in my family within about a year - two of these deaths were absolutely debilitating to me and my family. I had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out how I could handle what I knew so well that families were going though, especially in the ICU. How could I possibly support those who needed me most at the worst time of their lives?

Those here who say that you must know yourself are absolutely right. It's beautiful that you were so touched - that's compassion. It's very difficult to temper that compassion especially when you have your own personal experiences.

Hang in there, OP. It gets easier.