In the hospital where I used to work, family members would come up to the desk all the time to say "dad needs a _______ (blanket, cup, straw) and I developed a nasty habit of saying (in a perfectly innocent tone) "Does he know how to use the call light?" Gradually my tone started getting more and more sarcastic. Had to stop that one after a few nasty looks. oops.
Or "that's not real high on my priority list"
I know there's been plenty more....
At least I knew I had to leave the hospital setting for a bit before my mouth could get me in too much trouble. Feeling much better suited to home health, where you can throw whatever you like at me! I'll be out of your house in less than an hour!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
ok i just want to say this whole topic and blog makes me feel better about everything i was so worried that i was never going to be able to be witty again and have it be acceptable i know that i should be at least politically correct when i talk to people but im happy to know that i don't have to be perfectly polite and diplomatic all the time without losing my job the first time i get fed up and say something i probably shouldn't to a pt. or there family... hopefully when i finish school i'll still want to work in a prison or in a hospital for the criminally insane i think that would be great
you do understand that these are not desirable things to say, don't you?
I agree with you----when I'm trying to do five things at once, it's easier to grab a blanket and hand it to a family member than it is to answer a call light, run back to the blanket warmer and back to the room. And, in many cases, family members are anxious to do something for the patient, besides just sitting there trying to make small talk.
What drives me crazy is when I'm triaging a patient (I work nights in ER, and we triage at the bedside) who obviously needs some interventions ASAP (in severe pain, for example, or vomiting), and the family member is asking for nonessentials: "Could you get her a drink of water?" "Don't you have a warmer blanket?" "Is there any way to turn down the heat in this room?" "Does she really have to put on a gown?" "Do we get a choice about which doctor sees her?"
Specializes in Med-Surg; Telemetry; School Nurse pk-8.
What drives me crazy is when I'm triaging a patient (I work nights in ER, and we triage at the bedside) who obviously needs some interventions ASAP (in severe pain, for example, or vomiting), and the family member is asking for nonessentials: "Could you get her a drink of water?" "Don't you have a warmer blanket?" "Is there any way to turn down the heat in this room?" "Does she really have to put on a gown?" "Do we get a choice about which doctor sees her?"
Amen to that. Don't forget "and can you get ME a courtesy tray from the kitchen??" Arrrghhh... It's no wonder we lose it from time to time.
Specializes in Med-Surg; Telemetry; School Nurse pk-8.
you do understand that these are not desirable things to say, don't you?
thanks for making that clear, ruby. i'd hate that someone would think these things are okay anywhere but here on an or in our own heads. heck, if anyone could read minds at work, i'd definitely be in hiding!!
another patient---SOBR---ED visit number 2 in 72 hours---late 20's ----place in room -----about 5/7 minutes later comes to desk needs to go outside to smoke " has to have a smoke" coughing her head off-----comes back with family member and small infant---reaking of nicotine ----fingers turning blue----demanding breathing treatment---physician had ordered this before she left for smoke detail------after listening and hearing her lungs across the room screaming for air-----physician came in the room and ordered the infant out of the room told her to go home after treatment take a good soapy bath / clean her house and if she puts another cigarette in her mouth not to come back to his ED in his lifetime---turned around and left the room ---at which point she stated she was calling administration---he was rude-------I looked at her and said he is trying to tell you you will die soon if you cant breathe and it would be your own fault----and the infant's death was also in her hands by not letting his lungs develop as they should---- ----iam not usually this verbal to patients---but after a while more people seem to want someone else to blame for their own neglect---laziness---and need scapegoats to yell at -------
Now THAT is what needs to be ok to say! It sounds like truth therapy to me. When I have to go to a home and teach a smoking parent how to care for their asthmatic infant I want to scream "YOU ARE KILLING YOUR BABY!!!" We have an entire society of blamers. Sometimes it is time to accept personal responsibility. Doctors and nurses can have a pivotal role in this by using truth therapy with patients. "YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE, COMPLY WITH YOUR DIET, STOP SMOKING, STOP DRINKING, GET OF THE ADDICTVE PILLS AND FACE REALITY! YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF". I am not saying we need to be judgemental, just truthful. I can accept anything that anyone has done, I have certainly made my own share of mistakes, but you have to learn from the mistakes and move forward.
We have one woman who has a family member around at all times (on 1st and second shift, anyway- I don't think they stay overnight anymore). The reason for the family member's constant presence is basically to hunt down the staff for every. little. thing. They do not care how many other residents we have to take care of. You'd think they would learn to do some things themselves if they want them done instantly, but no, that's too scary. Instead they'll put on the call light and stand out in the hallway wringing their hands and flagging down the staff when Mom's pillows need fluffing (I am dead serious- these people *don't know how* to fluff her pillows and if you try to show them how to do it themselves they practically pass out with worry).
One day these people flagged down a CNA from another unit because their call light had probably gone unanswered for a whole 2 minutes. The CNA found me in the bathroom doing AM care on a resident and said "XXXXX wanted me to come and get you." I said, very loudly, "For Christ's sake, did she break a nail or something? She's gonna have to wait because I'M BUSY!!! What, does she think I sit around at the damn desk all day waiting for her call because I have nothing better to do? GEEZ!"
Then I hear the family member's voice saying, "Ohhhhhh!!!!" Yeah. She'd followed the other CNA down the hallway, of course. Oops. The resident I was caring for at the time was a former nurse and SHE found it quite funny!
Specializes in Labor/Delivery, Pediatrics, Peds ER.
"My pet peeve is when the families come out to the desk to ask for stuff. I also tell them to put on the call light."
A little off-topic, but I have a confession. I have been out of the inpatient hospital setting for more than a few years, so I may have forgotten the dynamics involved, but....
Whenever I am visiting with family or friends in the hospital, I do my best to help them in whatever way I can in my short visit, without being a burden on the nursing staff. Maybe it's because I'm a nurse, but it feels so wrong to sit @ the bedside and ring a bell for someone to wait on me. If I go out to the desk and ask where I can locate whatever....why wouldn't that be helpful? (well, assuming that the "whatever" isn't located in a restricted area)
I usually didn't mind when people did that, depending on whether they were demanding in general or not. Many people who do that are just trying to be helpful, and often they saved me a lot of steps. For instance, we used to keep patient snacks in the station, so when family would come and ask for a snack that was due, all I had to do was go to the fridge and get it instead of tromping all the way down the hall and back a few minutes later just to get the patient their juice. Same for blankets and extra linens - they were generally near the station and if a visitor came to ask for them, it was so easy to give it to them at the source. Often, too, all they wanted was an answer to a simple question. I could get my charting or whatever together at the end of the shift much easier when they came to me than I could if I had to keep running up and down the hall. So when I am the family member, if I think it will be helpful to go to the station to ask my question or whatever, I will do so.
Now THAT is what needs to be ok to say! It sounds like truth therapy to me. When I have to go to a home and teach a smoking parent how to care for their asthmatic infant I want to scream "YOU ARE KILLING YOUR BABY!!!" We have an entire society of blamers. Sometimes it is time to accept personal responsibility. Doctors and nurses can have a pivotal role in this by using truth therapy with patients. "YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE, COMPLY WITH YOUR DIET, STOP SMOKING, STOP DRINKING, GET OF THE ADDICTVE PILLS AND FACE REALITY! YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF". I am not saying we need to be judgemental, just truthful. I can accept anything that anyone has done, I have certainly made my own share of mistakes, but you have to learn from the mistakes and move forward.
I think it IS okay to be direct and even confrontational with patients at times. The key is: whose needs are you meeting, your own to vent, or the patient's need for education or guidance? In my experience, patients and families are less inclined to take offense if they believe you really have their well-being at heart. Or, as a counselor friend of mine used to put it, "They don't care what you know, until they know that you care."
Specializes in Labor/Delivery, Pediatrics, Peds ER.
I was working ER at a pediatric hospital when parents brought in a screaming toddler who'd been scalded by hot coffee over his entire forearm. It was terrible for the parents and for us. The frantic young mom said, "Oh, I put Musterole on it and he cried harder. I guess I made it worse!" She was so distraught that my response was going to be something on the order of "Musterole is not for burns" and offer some better treatments in case of future need, when the nurse beside me said, "Yes, ma'am, you probably did." What she said was of course, true, but I could not have brought myself to be as blunt as that to this poor mom who was already beating herself up. It was such a blessing when the icy cold compresses we applied did the trick. (Now also a no-no!)
For those who don't know what Musterole was, it was an OTC cream that claimed it "heats the pain away" and was designed for muscle aches.
ok i just want to say this whole topic and blog makes me feel better about everything i was so worried that i was never going to be able to be witty again and have it be acceptable i know that i should be at least politically correct when i talk to people but im happy to know that i don't have to be perfectly polite and diplomatic all the time without losing my job the first time i get fed up and say something i probably shouldn't to a pt. or there family... hopefully when i finish school i'll still want to work in a prison or in a hospital for the criminally insane i think that would be great
That is exactly why I work in a prison with the mentally ill. I have no administration to please with my "political correctness" when speaking to the patients. Yes, my patients are crazy. I have had the pleasure/misfortune of meeting king solomon, Jesus Christ, Ghandi, and Elvis...yes THE Elvis! Lol! If the situation warrants it, and my patient is being a "dumbass" I have the freedom to let them know it. I wouldn't change what I do for anything!
Because whatever you are asking for IS in a restricted area. (At least on my
unit, it is all restricted.) Because perhaps you are not asking the right nurse
assigned to the patient and she now has to drop whatever she is doing to
fulfill your request - which is probably something like a waitress order.
Because maybe a nursing assistant could have answered the call light and
fulfilled the waitress order.
Now if your friend is having difficulty breathing, or something of an extreme
nature, please come interrupt the nurse. Do not interrupt the nurse to say
your friend would like some Ginger Ale instead of the Seven Up I had to get
her 5 minutes ago.
Honestly I wish I had know that when my mum was in and out of hospital. Now I completely "get it". But I used to bounce over to the nurses' desk and ask for things instead of using the call light -- I thought it was more polite than using the light.
----iam not usually this verbal to patients---but after a while more people seem to want someone else to blame for their own neglect---laziness---and need scapegoats to yell at -------
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
you do understand that these are not desirable things to say, don't you?