This is my story... please read.

[yngbehr]

Hello fellow nurses,

I have been a LVN (Texas) since August 2009. In June 2010, I failed a post-incident drug screen in which I turned up positive for THC. Fast-forward to 2014 and after a [somewhat] lengthy investigation process, the Texas Board of Nursing has issued an order for me to participate in the TPAPN EEP program. For those not familiar, this is a program for nurses in which those with an isolated incident participates in a 12-month monitoring program. You must pass 18 drug screenings within this 12-month period. Additionally, you are subjected to undergo an evaluation for chemical substance abuse. Fortunately, this program is COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL, unless you fail your drug screening, at which time your employer and all Boards of Nursing you have a license with are informed of the infraction (had to submit a disclosure agreement to allow communication between my employer and state boards of nursing).

I am not concerned with passing my drug screenings. I have not smoked marijuana since 2010. I do not drink alcohol. And I am not prescribed "potentially abused substances." This post is simply about the emotional baggage my poor decisions have caused me so many years in the future.

I know I am not the only nurse going through this. But you know, there are sure times it feels like it. I have been "OK" for the last few weeks, but tonight, I had an overwhelming "heaviness" cover me, and I am just simply on the verge of tears. It's the idea that I could lose my livelihood. It's the idea that I have to put out all this money. It's the idea that I feel like a failure. Here I am in my late twenties, no criminal history, and now I am facing a potentially life-altering circumstance. It's just so ... OVERWHELMING.

Please share your story with me.

[yngbehr]

UPDATE:

Thanks for all the encouraging words and support. I am doing better at this point, have come to accept my plight and am trying to embrace it as a positive learning experience. I began checking in daily to recoverytrek and have still not been selected to test after 14 days. Anyone else with this similar experience?

My worry is testing positive for the etg/ets test. I have since started using an alcohol-free mouthwash (ACT) and Dove bar soap for sensitive skin (also alcohol free). Will my crest + whitening toothpaste cause a false-positive result? And what about my Old Spice shampoo and deoderant?

As a precaution, I have discontinued use of ALL extracts. I typically consumed 60 mL of tart cherry extract (organic) for its many health beneits, but after extensive research I found most fruit extracts utilize alcohol at some point during the process.

Also, can anyone tell me if this EEP program utilizes GC/MS technology, or is the initial screening the most that's used, unless of course you receive a positive?

Thanks to everyone for your continued support. I will be posting here and updating this thread throughout the length of my program.

Kind regards.

[suanna]

Do I understand- you are not "recovering" but just happened to test positive for THC in an arbitrary random drug screen? In at least 2 states in this great nation marijuana is legal for recreational use (despite being illegal from a federal standpoint). I have read that nurses in those states who may wish to indulge in the use of this substance have been banned from that practice by "employer policys" or "ethics clauses" with thier boards- A behavior that any other citizen of that state can practice without consequence (with some exceptions). I like the Canadian policy- unless there is a clear reason to suspect abuse- you cannot ask someone to pee in a cup just to try to "catch someone". I wish our nursing organizations would get off thier backsides and start fighting some of the draconian rules that are waged against people just because they are nurses. If our health care system has the resources to persecute nurses for what they do onthier own time, maybe they need more regulations and paperwork to help fill thier days. I don't smoke the "wacky tobaccy" any more- I did in my youth , long long, before I became a nurse. I just hate the fact that a nurse has to prove they meet the ethical imperatives of some arbitrary agency despite never having practiced in an impaired condition. So much for "The Land of the Free". Good luck to you. I hope we live to see the day when nurses and all people are really innocent untill proven guilty and our govenment and our employers have to respect each and every persons right to privacy and personal liberty.

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

yngbehr: It sounds like you are handling this very well. I've been a nurse since early 70's when we never dreamed anyone would even think up the phrase "drug-free workplace." In the long run, it's a gift to be able to learn from a humbling experience - you will be a stronger more empathetic person who appreciates the danger of a bad decision. The year will fly by.

[JustfortodayRN]

Only a word of advice: do EVERYTHING your recovery program tells you. I was what is considered "noncompliant" even though I did not relapse. I did not follow a direction they clearly gave me. I got caught and the referred me to the board and restarted my contract.

I have no criminal history but now with administrative complaints on my license. I am very embarrassed but grateful for another opportunity to be a different person. This program has truly saved my life and has given me a new way to live.

Best of luck.

[yngbehr]

Update 08/01/2014:

I have completed 5 screenings and continue to checkin daily. I have eight months and 13 screening remaining. When you get into the routine of checking in daily, it's definitely not as stressful. I was selected for Option 2 once, and I'm not sure what that tested for. All I can ask is, who cares?

As a rule of thumb I stay away from all extracts and OTC medications. Of course it comes without saying that staying away from any illegal substance (and alcohol) is the only way you'll pass any of the screenings.

To those new to the EEP program with TPAPN, do what you're told and use this time to evaluate who you are both as a nurse & as a person. This program is workable, but only if your priorities are in line. How important is your nursing license to your psychological and financial health?

I will update in a few more months again. Hope my blogging of my experience will help someone!

[Twoyearnurse]

Your attitude is just incredible. You are going to help so many people. Congratulations on your progress!

[yngbehr]

Update:

Yesterday marked my 16th screening. I have two more to go. Now it's out of habit that I check in daily. I don't even check my test results anymore. It typically takes between 2-3 days to receive your result. If you do what you're told, you'll have positive outcomes in this program. That's what nursing is all about!

I will post one final entry to this thread following my last screening. I'm grateful, thankful, and appreciative of this program! If nothing else works as a character builder, this program sure will do the trick.

[CryssieD]

Hey, one year is nothing--most people get two to five! I'm in the last year of five, and it's been a long haul--lots to overcome, lots to work on. I haven't had any relapses or anything--it's just working with the restrictions and all, it's been tough. I'll tell you, at first it seemed absolutely impossible, I was sure no one would ever hire me, I felt so ashamed, my life was in ruins--no job, no money, endless problems trying to coordinate 2 programs (I had to move back in with my parents in Virginia because of the financial devastation, before I got hooked up with the Florida program, so it was challenging just getting started), psychiatric evaluations, drug tests, etc, etc. But you get it all arranged, you get used to the routine, and people will hire you with the restrictions--you just have to be patient and keep trying. If you embrace and really own the recovery thing, you can learn so much about yourself and grow so much--I'm actually glad this whole thing happened! It's not really as bad as it seems initially, you have lots of company, and people--here and elsewhere--will support you! Hang in there!

[yngbehr]

I'm happy to report I have SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED the EEP. Let me tell you, this has been an intense experience of self-reflection. I have learned how to truly humanize myself, and with this experience, hopefully touch more lives as I strive to continue my education & provide care which promotes understanding, empathy, and learning.

God bless! Muah!!

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Congratulations!!