Think I am letting my nerves get the best of me

[WeirdNurseKelly, BSN, RN]

I have posted a few times about my anxiety and worries about school. So for those of you who don't know I am in my first year, first term of nursing school.

Tomorrow I have my second test and it's over a huge amount of information. My anxiety is starting to kick into high gear.

I have looked over notes (not all of them), power points (not all of them), and a few tables that have been suggested for us to study. I am not sure if I have looked at them enough. I am so sick of studying but know I should be looking over things more.

I am pretty sure it is my anxiety. I went through this for the last test. I did really well too, 90.9. Actually everything up to this point I have scored above a 90 on.

Maybe I get this way because I don't feel like I deserve to be in the program, that I am not smart enough, that I will fail out of nursing school, blah blah blah. Same old song and dance.

This is what I call a pity party. Not sure if pity is the right word but thats what I call it. I was raised on welfare, my mom barely made ends meet and made bad decisions when it came to men (I kind of resent her for it).

There are so many other things that make me feel like I don't deserve all of this. Crazy thing is I feel like I have everything I have ever wanted. I just married an amazing man who is very supportive. I love his family, they are all very supportive. I see a house and kids in the future. I feel like my life is so complete so why should I feel this way.

Anyways, I just needs some words of encouragement I guess. It sometimes helps, even coming from people I have never met.

Sorry if some of this doesnt make sense and sounds like I am rambling, it is probably my anxiety.

Thanks for letting me say a few words.

[determined-deedee]

Hi Kell, I too am a student in her first semester. I know exactly what you mean about nerves. I was actually covered in hives the entire night before, and day of my first test. I have calmed down somewhat and I even passed my first nursing skills check-off in lab (and they are brutal). what I found helps me is to talk confidently to myself in my head. Sounds a little crazy, but you know that negative voice in your head that keeps saying things like what if you fail, or you can't do this. Change that to I can do this, and I will not fail. Repeat as necessary until you get all that negative stuff out of your head. Cause you CAN do it. Hey, you got a 90% on the first test. Just study and do your best. You will have no problem

[AirforceRN, RN]

Everyone freaks out over tests in first year. Its perfectly normal. Some people are able to hide it better than others but everyone feels the anxiety.

The more college tests you do, the easier they get...believe me...I did nine years of them (yeah, what was I thinking?). After all that time I still got a little worked up for exams but its not nearly as bad as when you start. One day when you are in 4th year you'll walk around the corner and see a class of first years outside a classroom fretting about an upcoming test and you'll be able to see it from a different vantage point. So...take a deep breath, calm down a bit, realize that you are already in good stead with 90s on your other tests and understand that you aren't alone.

[trustbirth]

I can definitely identify with anxiety about all of this. This is my first semester as well.

I have always been the type of person who can know everything then walk into the test and forget it all..walk out and know it. That is just me...and it drives me insane.

As far as skills check-offs go....

I have no checked off on about 10 of them and my hands shake most every time...lol. Hopefully this gets better! There is just something about an instructor watching you that makes you go crazy.

[WeirdNurseKelly, BSN, RN]

Trust, I hate that. I had that happen not too long ago when we were being checked off for assessment. I thought I was going to sweat myself to death.

I have been in situations like that when I went to school to become an MA. The instructor had to watch all of us give injections and draw blood. A little nerve racking. After a while it wasn't so bad though. I think for me it is more of not having a good one on one rapport with the instructors yet. I am sure that will change soon.

Anyways, one of the other students called me last night. I started crying and freaking out. Her and another student came over and we were up til almost midnight chatting and going over notes. It was a nice distraction.

I have other things going on in my life that have made my anxiety level through the roof. Right after I got married we had to move almost 2 hours away from most of my family. This is the farthest I have been away from home. I am really close to my family, especially my mom.

The hardest part of it all is because I live on the coast there isn't much for work out here. So my husband is staying with his parents (cant transfer with his job). So that has taken a huge toll on me. He was here for the weekend and left yesterday.

I didn't get much sleep last night, not because of my nerves but because I was up studying a little too late. I feel so much better today and reading the comments has helped too.

I just have my super good days and super bad days. They are always at one end of the extreme, never somewhere in the middle. Thats both a good thing and a bad thing for me.

So right now I could say that I am feeling pretty good. It helps me so much to be able to post my frustrations and anxieties. I get such great feedback from everyone. This website has been fantastic.

Thanks everyone. I will let you know how I do when I get my grades. I need a 75 to pass. With the amount of studying I have done because of various distractions, I am setting my goal kind of low. All I want to do for this test is just pass. Wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed. I will definately let you know how it all goes.

Thanks again,

Kelly