they think i don't care

[JadeRN7]

I recently had a talk with my nursing supervisor and apparently some of the staff have been mistaking my inverted/shy personality for not caring. For example, when someone says I forgot to document something and I say "oh ok" I actually correct the mistake but this coworker apparently told my supervisor that I basically said "oh ok whatever". We also had an emergency during labor and staff came in to assist but even though I'm new and was trying to be helpful, they said I gave the impression that the emergency situation did not phase me. I don't understand how to change that. I went home and cried in my husband's arms. I love my job and I do CARE about my patients and their babies and even their families and I always get great feedback from my patients and their families but I don't know what to do about staff members' perception of me. I'm so upset over this.

[mmm cdiff]

I'm female, and I'm going to have to agree with 2ndwind. Women are catty, men... not so much. We need more men in nursing to balance everything out.

[Mike A. Fungin RN]

You're in the wrong practice area my friend...

[llg, PhD, RN]

Obviously I can't speak for the more experienced nurses on the OP's ward. However, I've worked with a number of junior nurses who have been oblivious to the seriousness of their patients conditions, the potential consequences of their mistakes, and disinterested in developing as professionals. It's been an issue where I work regardless of the gender of the unit manager, ACN's, clinical teachers, senior staff, and grads. The only way we have to distinguish between nurses like the OP and these nurses is the way they respond -when their errors are pointed out to them, and when things go bad.

Viewing this as a desire to have them "freak out" is simplistic and misses the point of the concern more experienced nurses have.

Great point, talaxandra. Sometimes you walk away from a discussion with a new employee and wonder, "Does he/she appreciate the seriousness of what just happened here? Do they realize they need to make some changes? Is the light switched turned on in there?"

In order to earn the trust of the existing staff, new employees need to demonstrate that they are trying to do their best -- and care enough to ask for help if they need it -- and appreciate help when it is given. People who are so "locked in" to never showing any concern for their patients and/or about the quality of work that do are scary to work with.

[JadeRN7]

thank you so much everyone, i will most definitely take your advices ASAP, again i love my job and i want to be the best nurse possible (i pray every day before i go to work) and learning is huge for me and i will try to get my coworkers to see that in me by asking more questions and by adding more to my statements

on another note, my hubby agrees with the men vs women comment, he says at his job (where he works with all men) if a guy forgets to do something and he was reminded, if he said ok it meant he'll do it lol

[Sylv]

I was told years ago as an LPN student, during nursery rotation, that the charge nurse said I acted as if I was totally uninterested in the babies. Totally unfair!! Who doesn't love babies?

Interesting thing, a couple of years later I bought a sewing machine and guess who was now working in the sewing machine business along with her husband? That same charge nurse. I was working as an LPN.

I have now been an RN for 32 years.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I had an instructor use the "You don't seem really interested in this" comment to me many years ago, too. She retired not long after her husband finished his fellowship, became an attending, and they had kids.

33 years later, I am still working full time as a nurse.

However ... while the instructor and/or the senior staff nurses may be mis-interpreting the thoughts of the student/new employee ... their impressions of the newbie (be they right or wrong) are still important. It's not just about what's inside the OP's heart -- it's also about whether her colleagues can trust and respect her. They need to feel comfortable with their new team member and secure in feeling that she will be a valuable member of the team. A new person needs to earn that trust by showing that he/she can and will do a good job -- and part of that involves showing that you care about doing a good. They are not mind readers, they have to see it demonstrated to know it.

I'm happy to read that the OP is going to take some of the advice offered in this thread. Her problem sounds solvable to me and I wish her the best of luck.

[Nursebarebari]

I understand how you feel. I used to be very shy like you until few years after I became a nurse. I went through hell from my first job and had to quit unprepared, thank god nurses were hot then and I was able to find another job right after. My advise to you is that you should try to be a little more aggressive or else where ever you go, it is going to be the same thing. Some nurses are just pure evil who derive pleasure from making others unhappy. And also, after any emergency, thank all nurses and doctors that came to help. It is their job and they get pay for it, but a little thank you with a smile is nice.

[futureRN_Anastasia]

I hate women.

This wanting you to freak out, then of course if you do you'll be told, "gee, you freaked out, you need to work on that" Guys don't play with your head this way.

Please, nursing Gods, let me have some stabilizing male nurses on my floor :grn:

Ha-ha! I have been working in computer industry for 5 years before going back to school for nursing, and believe me, computer industry is mostly men...and they act exactly the same towards the newbies as OP described.

I think they key is to find the balance between letting them know that you heard and are taking into account what they wanted to point out, and something that they will treat as "freaking out". Tough line, though.

[CDamico8514]

I'm so sorry you had a bad day!...Sounds like your co-workers are quick to judge. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. (We will all be judged someday, and it's not up to us to judge others!!) I am a CNA and where I work, every time a new person starts, all these other CNA's go blabbing their mouths, making judgements about the work ethic of the new person. I never get involved with this gossip and usually after a while, it fades away as everyone realizes that the new person is just fine!

These people u work with obviously don't know you, or your work ethic. Unless they saw you abusing, causing harm to a patient, performing a skill wrong, acting unprofessionally, etc., they shouldn't be telling on you or gossiping about you. Hopefully we can all remember what its like to be the new person, where you may be shy or quiet and we can all make an effort to form good relationships with our co-workers instead of attacking them for no reason!

Fellow Nurses, Aides, co-workers, lets try to make work more pleasant by smiling :) more, helping each other out, and not judging eachother!

[netglow, ASN, RN]

This is my second career too, and frankly, I am much more comfortable working with men. We get along really well. Always have their backs and they mine :)

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

I hate women.

This wanting you to freak out, then of course if you do you'll be told, "gee, you freaked out, you need to work on that" Guys don't play with your head this way.

Please, nursing Gods, let me have some stabilizing male nurses on my floor :grn:

Exactly what in the OPs' post indicates :

- there were females involved.

- that anyone wants her to freak out.

Prior to nursing, I worked in male dominated businesses - trust me, mean are just as bad or much worse with the drama. Many of them live for petty power games.

As far as stabilizing influence, I have dealt with plenty of good and plenty of bad in both genders. But the only time that we had to go into lockdown, was because of male nurse that got mad when asked to take his turn on floating. He threw hia keys at the charge, nearly hitting her in the face, went out, got in his car, drove around - then he called his wife, saying he had a gun, was returning to the hospital, and no matter what happened, know that he loved her.

I haven't dealt with females doing that.....yet.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

caroladybelle, had to give a snarky reply to that one. Here it goes...

Well, caroladybelle, the only reason he went nuts is because he got that way after working with a unit full of obnoxious female nurses. Too much estrogen will kill anyone if you give it some time.