I enjoyed reading the things you wish you could tell the patient, here is something I wish I could have told the doctor:
We are standing at the foot of the patients bed...
Doc: Has her foley been d/c ed?
I'm not even going to say what I was thinking, lol, use your imagination folks
Here's another
Doc: Why didn't you tell me about her K level?
This was about an hour after he got mad at me for calling him on Sunday and he hung up on me. Before, of course, I could tell him about the K level. Again, use your imagination.
Oh, wow! I worked at a teaching hospital and had to deal with "unusual" orders and residents ignoring little things like BP in a graft pt then jumping on YOUR case, despite the THREE calls documented in your notes, when rounds are made and he got reamed out by the attending when rounds were made the tries to get in your hair when you are mixing Nipride (is this used anymore??? Am I dating myself too much!) and is ordering you to set the drip at the rate that might lower a mouse's BP. I hope this is going just to you - I've been posting rather a lot today!
Oh, I stomped his toes and told him to get away and let me do MY JOB and get to doing HIS JOB!
And DUH, I figured out how to send a private message - now if I can find out how to delete a double comment - I swear I hit the send only once - but it posts twice!!!
I think the only thing more dangerous than a nurse who thinks they're a physician, is a physician who thinks she/he's a nurse.
How's this for a "wish I could've said.." For any occasion that you've seen the doctor turning a patient/putting in an IV/bedside assist/trache tube/grossly mismeasuring a med dosage/...
"IF I had done WHAT YOU JUST DID...YOU WOULD'VE PITCHED A FIT!"
I actually did say this. I called the doctor at 2330 for orders,and he picks up saying U "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" I replied, "I KNOW you dont have me mistaken for your wife, because you DO NOT address ME like that! We're here busting our butts taking care of your patients, dont you cuss at me like Im your daughter. You done fell off and lost your natural mind" He said, " you dont understand, all these nurses keep calling me." I said, "Well, you went through 4 years of medical school and 2 of residency..what did you expect?!..Anyways (cutting him off)..you need to make some orders on your patient." He shut up and did as mama told him.
I do not mean to laugh at this but I know a nurse that I used to work with and she would call the MD for anything and everything in the middle of the night. Oh Man! the docs would come in the morning and just look like they were ready to chew our heads off. The only time I would call is if an emergency occurred. Also I would ask for parameters so I won't have to bother them
As an ER paper-pusher, there are some things I would LOVE to tell Docs...
Learn the difference between IN and OUT patient. They are not outpatient if they are in a unit bed, overnight or longer. So dont call me and tell me you need to admit a patient as outpatient clinical then yell when the nurses ask when they can send them home.
Learn the difference between status and location. OBED stands for Obstetricts in the Emergency Department. It's a temporary hold location. Not a catch-all for doing what you want without committing to a status. A reoccuring account number does not mean you can keep charting on it forever...and ever...and ever.... the insurance company is NOT going to pay for one single bill the size of the national deficit.
Don't send your patient to the ER and effing tell them you called ahead and they will get put in a room IMMEDIATELY. Double on a weekend. Triple that on a full moon weekend.
And may the bluebird of happiness s*** in your pocket if youre not even ACTUALLY going to call.
I could go on, but I would give myself carpal tunnel trying to list it all.
Iam not your house girl...You order labs,please make sure you get the results and inform me.Do not think i will earn your money for you,you have to work for it.
Can you explain to this patient why you want to kill him with the wrong dosage of drugs.These are just some of the things i would love to say to one urologist in my hospital,he shouts and shouts and shouts,nurses see him and all disappear into the patient's rooms.
When you call in for a consult, don't bite my head off if I have to go grab the chart to see the reason, I just got here and I have five other patients.
I understand english is not your first language and I applaud you for learning it. However, don't hang up when I tell you I can't understand what you are saying and to please repeat it. Same goes for when you are at a party, please step outside to give orders, I can't hear you over the rest of the party.
Something I have told the doctor: "Here's Dr. Soandso's number. Let's you and him fight and the winner can tell me what to do about this patient's problem." Duelling specialists were always fun.
thank you warpster, i have used that method before myself ,i had this wild beast dr call me,being so ****** and all ,but i just let at the end the other doc give him a call and shut him up
Wash your hands, you addlebrained overdressed turdhead, you. (definite vent, and y'all know I got someone in particular in mind.)
No you may NOT stick your hand in our cookie jar, it means we have to throw out the rest of the d*mn cookies because you don't wash your hands.
Don't admit Satan to our ICU just because he's in need of blood transfusions. Don't admit him without restraints, haldol, ativan and whatever other antipsychotics you can think of, in the admit orders. Yo Quiero Mucho Benzos! And when you admit satan or his little terrorist nephew, and I have to call you for orders, don't you scream at me. I will wake up the administrator on a sunday morning for that crap, and the police who are trying to keep satan's nephew tied to the bed think you're idiotic too.
Don't write things in your curlique, cutesy scribblescript that are supposed to be greek letters and hope I understand an order that to me reads: "mag level in am. NO level in am." You are lucky I don't cancel the mag instead of just coming to the conclusion that you are weird. Just be glad I didn't call you at midnight to ask what the bloody heck you are talking about. In my world a circle with a line through it is the word "no" not phosphorus. I can't wait to tell JCAHO about the new abbreviation I found that's easily confused for something else.
Learn your drug dosages so people don't laugh at you.
You are completely off your rocker if you think I should have called you at 0400 for screwed up O2 sats on a patient when all I had to do was change the probe and wake the patient up. The guy's end stage CHF and on his 3rd heart attack, he's a DNR, seriously. He's as fine as he's ever going to get, either let me alone or don't admit him to the ICU.
Oh, oh, oh. When I tell you "so and so is crashing" do not tell me to write whatever I can think of. Especially if you're going to argue with me the next time I have to call. I'll never have your back again.
Numerous other things. Hubby says I really need sleep now though, and he's right.
buggal1989
78 Posts
Oh, I stomped his toes and told him to get away and let me do MY JOB and get to doing HIS JOB!
And DUH, I figured out how to send a private message - now if I can find out how to delete a double comment - I swear I hit the send only once - but it posts twice!!!