Wouldn't it have been great if they told us this stuff in nursing school?
NOTE: A LOT OF MINE WERE MEANT FOR LTC NURSES
The human body is capable of holding 200 cups of H2O/coffee in your bladder....literally.
We were always instructed "Your body needs sleep to heal, rest, ect...",yeah that's funny.
Practicing sterile procedures for EVERYTHING is a waste of time(except catheters).
Of the 40 pts I have, I know what all the side effects of their meds are(yeah, all 50 meds per pt!!!). Oh yeah, and I know the GENERIC-TRADE names too.
Remember calcuating drip rates for G-tubes??? I don't.
They won't tell you what a med-cocktail is in school.
I never knew men could have "innies," and I'm not talking about belly buttons.
Once I had to call a urology nurse to find the opening to insert a catheter in a man.
I had a guy like this. He also complained of a penile ulcer so when I could not find his member I asked him to show me the ulcer... NEVER would have found it otherwise.
They never told me that ALL the patients in the hospital on weekends are crazy, confused or combative. ETOH abuse is the primary hobby of all patients between the age of 30 and 80. They failed to mention that you will work every holiday-if you aren't scheduled they will call you in to cover the call-offs. Night shift is a right of passage. No nurse has any opinion about how thing shoud be done that is considered more than a passing jest for management.
I actualy had an instructor tell me that nurses are the only true professionals in health care since doctors are hired mercenarys and the rest of the hospital staff are there to support the nursing department-(she had been out of the acute care arena for a while)
That people(Administrators/NS Managers,etc...) can lie with a straight face and their noses won't get bigger.
That a little jiggle of the boobs at a confused male patient can get them to stop swinging.
That Holidays are NOT Really important unless your management, at which point you are entitled to the whole week off between Xmas and New Years and your not to be disturbed on major holidays.
That the definition of nurse is maid,servant,and slave in every language.
That there is an evil spirit of IV pumps whose sole purpose is to drive you nuts and make you curse the day you became a nurse.
That thoughts of vacations and time off plans will become a form of relaxation.
That anything that does not get stuck in the trachea is edible to a psych patient.
That family members who have not visited Aunt Agnes for YEARS will suddenly have opinions on her care when she is on Hospice.
That nurses run the other way when the Student Nurses arrive on the floor with their Instructor(was a nursing student/now a nurse and can't help but join others :)).
That little kids/old people and all gastro pts can all projectile vomit like the Exorcist(watch for the green gills):trout:
That when a nurse tells you in report that patient B is not that bad, they LIED!
That putting water into a cup on your cart then pouring water into another cup for the crushed BC pill going into the peg tube of your patient then accidently drinking from the cup with the crushed BC pill in it will not kill you.(true story)
And Finally, That if you don't have enough chocolate candy to share with everyone, then don't bring it to class(work). :balloons:
Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.
...that the new RMO's are glorified secretaries. You tell them what drugs to write and what dose etc.,, and they sigh, smile and follow suit.
...that those same RMO's whose butts you saved with your long experience will treat you like crap when they graduate to Interns.
...that it is ALWAYS the nurses's fault.
...that elderly people with broken hips ALWAYS think they can walk. And do it each hour just to prove you wrong.
...there is no limit to the imagination of elderly confused patients when they fingerpaint with their own faeces.
...the only thing worse than watching somebody drink their own urine out of the urinal is watching somebody drink their neighbour's urine. (True story, I was a split-second late to prevent it!)
...that Breast Milk may look the same as a hydrolised baby formula, but it's not, and the crap hits the fan when it's accidentally given to the wrong infant.
...that nothing, NOTHING can EVER prepare you for the smell of true malaena!!
Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.
I THINK THAT ALL OF THAT IS NEED TO KNOW INFORMATION. HOW DARE THEY NOT SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THAT STUFF. WHEN I START SCHOOL I WILL HAVE ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS ANSWERED BEFORE I SET FOOT IN A CLINICAL:rotfl: . BUT MAYBE NOT. I HOPE I NEVER RUN INTO PROJECTILE VOMMITTING OR TOO MUCH POOP.
If you never want to run into projectile vomiting or too much poop, then you're in the wrong career girl! Cause there are days when you are gonna be covered in it! Literally!
SaderNurse05, BSN, RN
293 Posts
I had a guy like this. He also complained of a penile ulcer so when I could not find his member I asked him to show me the ulcer... NEVER would have found it otherwise.