Things you'd LOVE to tell the doc and get away with it....

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Since the patient version is so popular, and I had a bad weekend (and no hope for a better one this weekend....)

You've been giving this schizophrenic Alzheimer's pt 10 mg Ambien, plus 50mg Benedryl, plus 100mg Seroquel every night at their NH for years. Could you please, PLEASE explain why you stopped giving it to them when you put them in the hospital? Do I look like a lion tamer?

Yes, I am going to report you when you take the packing out of an abdominal wound with your bare hands, despite me waving gloves in front of your face. That's what the risk management software's for. BTW, did you not see the big isolation gear on the door? Pt. has hx. of MRSA in the wound, and you just stirred in it barehanded....

When I call you at 3 am and tell you your pt's BP is 212 over 179, resp are 32, and O2 sats are 78, could you please say something other than "So what do you want me to do?" Because, one night, I'm going to tell you what to do, and it's going to be something that only a hermaphrodite can physically do.

We all know this pt's a junkie; could you please, PLEASE, not admit everyone who comes to the ER with a pulse tonight? I've got two evolving CVA's and an acute MI, along with my OOB q5minutes Alzheimer's pt, my drama queen post lap chole, and one in restraints that the NH sent simple to get a break from him trying to bite them. I don't need a "demerol, phenergan and diet soda" q4h, too.

One night as I was walking down the hall of a med/surg floor, a Doc came out of a room (not one of my assigned patient's), telling me to "get in here and do something about this". He pointed to the patients NG feeding tube, which was admittedly sloppily taped in place, and said "Don't they teach you how to tape those in nursing school?" I told him that this was the first time I had ever laid eyes on this patient, but that I would retape the tube. After turning off the feeding pump and verifying correct placement of the tube by auscultating an air bolus, I retaped the tube to my, and coincedentally his, satisfaction. Then, he started to mess with the feeding pump trying to get it running again. After watching him attempt to restart the pump, I couldn't help myself and said "Don't they teach you how to run those things in medical school?"

To his credit, he laughed and got out of the way and let me reprogram and restart the pump. After that episode, he was always friendly and cordial to me.

Its almost like a Bully situation with some Docs. They will push you around and abuse you until you stand up for yourself. Once you do, they tend to behave. So sad to see this childlike behaviour in supposedly mature adults who are pervasively looked up to as leaders and professionals.

You do not have to be so fricken ignorant to me at 6:00 in the morning when I get a fingerstick saying "78" and your paremeters say call Doctor if

Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

I'd love to burst into song when I see a doctor coming:

Well I was feelin

Sorta bad

Asked my family doctor bout what I had

I said doctor, Mr. MD

Can you tell me

What's ailin me?

Specializes in Paediatric Cardic critical care.

Just sign here and go away! (yep said that)

My favorite thing Id like to tell them....gee...so many to choose from...hmmm

1. Yes doctor ,..I completly understand why you didnt want to give them anything for that low blood pressure.Umm hmm...yep makes sense to me . Ahh...by the way can you grab that zipper there for me . You know I always DO have such a hard time zipping up these darn body bags.

2. So...let me get this straight doctor. The patient is still breathing 54 times a minute, they are so lethargic that they will not even open their eyes to voice anymore....and you want to know why I am calling you. Hmmmm.....ok. I tell you what. Ok...I am so very sorry I disturbed you.....tell ya what. Hows about I just give ya a call back in lets say 2 hours when they go apneic. That would be 3 am. Would that time work for you?

3. I am old , tired and my back hurts. If you arent going to put them on a drip to raise their blood pressure . You need to bring your a** down here bc I am telling you right now I am NOT going to do chest compressions on them.

4. Can you repeat that in English please? Ok...you dont seem to be understanding me. can you repeat that in English please? Oh...your english skills are not very good? Hmmm...maybe if you just ...did charades Id get the jest of what you are saying. Do you know charades?yeah...that might work. who needs to really know how to speak english....Hey ,maybe we can save the hospital a few bucks ...instead of the communication interpretation phone line I can just start doing my discharge teaching in charades. You can do your consents in charades.You can draw a line across your neck and say you discussed the possibility of death r/t the procedure. I can see your point....yeah...really who needs to know how to Reallllyyy speak english?

5. really? It doesnt bother you that the patient used to could walk and talk and now they cant? You really dont think that warrants a phone call at 1 am? See doc...thats what I thought too....but the patients son got real upset when grandma got out of bed to go to the bathroom and kept dragging that whole right side around. hell ...its right amusing...granny just keeps going round and round in circles. You are completly right! I shouldnt have called u. I understand your rational completly. I mean....talking is way overrated. I mean ...I understand where you are coming from. If she hasnt said all she needs to say by the ripe old age of 63 then its her own darn fault.

Ouch! There's a scarily accurate undertone here...with some bitterness and frustration thrown in.

MDs are part of the team like everyone else. I hate how those in healthcare get so territorial about their role. Some RNs snub Aides and LPNs, some RNs are bitter towards MDs (for their own reasons most of the time it seems). I have heard of techs being snubbed by RNs even thought they have the same education (or more).

I have heard the horror stories, and yes, some doctors are complete idiots. Literally or figuratively. But respect goes both ways. Being a nurse is hard, being a doctor is hard. Sure the MD may not be running around changing IV bags, doing dressing changes, or inserting catheters, but that's not what they went to school for. They're figuring out the best way to treat a peds patient with cancer, manage a high risk pregnancy, or diagnose a rare disease. Pressure's on! You are ultimately responsible for that patient. MDs don't go to school for 10-12 years on average for nothing, even though it may seen that way to some. ;)

It may be a generational issue. As I recall, previously, nurses (RNs) didn't typically have much education (2 years only?), and their job was technical in nature. As such, they were subservient to the (usually male) MDs. We can thank Florence Nightingale for that. Why the FN crap is still taught in nursing courses today I'll never know.

Anyway, educational requirements have expanded, nurses are highly trained, highly competitive programs have attracted better, more capable students, and nursing stands on its own as having a scope of practice and autonomy. Also, most MDs today do not subscribe to the old hierarchy. Most see other staff simply as team members. I think that as the 'old school' doctors and nurses retire, there will be less politics.

All of that said, here's what I'd like to say:

"Yes, I'm obtaining a diploma in bed pan emptying and @$$ wiping. Of *course* that's all I'm good for".

P.S. I LOVED the OPs "hermaphrodite" comment. Hilarious! I almost fell off my chair. :D

I dont agree with this necessarily. Depends on the context. If he didnt provide a drug/dose/route immediately, you could prompt him without being rude. Just saying "what dose/drug/route do you want" works a lot better than your sarcastic diatribe.

If I was the doc on call and I said "OK" and your immediate response was your sarcastic phrase, I'd hang the phone up on you. Its incredibly rude and unnecessary.

Again, this is overly hostile. If he reported you for it, then by all means explain why you are calling him. But the side commentary and insults are uncalled for. You sound like a very angry person, probably very similar to the very angry docs you work with.

Thank you for all of your posts. They were a logical level-headed breath of fresh air. I know this thread is supposed to be funny (and I can appreciate humor) but trashing healthcare team members is unfair. Some of this is too far. Both sides need to work together. The anger and bitterness that is evident in nursing obviously has complex causes that can't be addressed overnight. But I do think that everyone should at least do their best to be professional and polite, to everyone.

If you are truly unhappy with nursing, consider another career. There are lots of other options in healthcare. Instead of complaining, if you think that you can do better, why not go back to school and apply to med school and become an MD yourself? Actions are what is needed to make a difference.

Sorry doc, but if you truly believe that only white males are worthwhile, you need to move to a different hospital. Around here, we treat people equally, regardless of race or gender.

Specializes in LTC, hospitals and correctional settings.

hey, canuckstudent, this thread is for ranting and venting so we don't say these things to docs and disrepect them to their faces. without places like this, the nursing profession would soon be refered to like the post office, as in "going postal". let the rants continue, i'm loving every one of them.

Thank you for all of your posts. They were a logical level-headed breath of fresh air. I know this thread is supposed to be funny (and I can appreciate humor) but trashing healthcare team members is unfair. Some of this is too far. Both sides need to work together. The anger and bitterness that is evident in nursing obviously has complex causes that can't be addressed overnight. But I do think that everyone should at least do their best to be professional and polite, to everyone.

If you are truly unhappy with nursing, consider another career. There are lots of other options in healthcare. Instead of complaining, if you think that you can do better, why not go back to school and apply to med school and become an MD yourself? Actions are what is needed to make a difference.

you apparently don't understand the meaning of the word "vent".....please, find another thread for your educational efforts....this is not the place

k now im scared of nursing school..maybe i shouldnt've read this

tiffanytic, please don't be scared of nursing school...and don't let what we write scare you.

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