Since the patient version is so popular, and I had a bad weekend (and no hope for a better one this weekend....)
You've been giving this schizophrenic Alzheimer's pt 10 mg Ambien, plus 50mg Benedryl, plus 100mg Seroquel every night at their NH for years. Could you please, PLEASE explain why you stopped giving it to them when you put them in the hospital? Do I look like a lion tamer?
Yes, I am going to report you when you take the packing out of an abdominal wound with your bare hands, despite me waving gloves in front of your face. That's what the risk management software's for. BTW, did you not see the big isolation gear on the door? Pt. has hx. of MRSA in the wound, and you just stirred in it barehanded....
When I call you at 3 am and tell you your pt's BP is 212 over 179, resp are 32, and O2 sats are 78, could you please say something other than "So what do you want me to do?" Because, one night, I'm going to tell you what to do, and it's going to be something that only a hermaphrodite can physically do.
We all know this pt's a junkie; could you please, PLEASE, not admit everyone who comes to the ER with a pulse tonight? I've got two evolving CVA's and an acute MI, along with my OOB q5minutes Alzheimer's pt, my drama queen post lap chole, and one in restraints that the NH sent simple to get a break from him trying to bite them. I don't need a "demerol, phenergan and diet soda" q4h, too.
love these....keep them going. how about the doc that got called around 2200 and asks "who is the pt, what is his name, what was he admitted with, who is the idiot that admitted him?" took me all of 2 sec to tell the doc that he is the idiot that admitted the pt, "you did." very hard to not grin ear to ear and laugh while saying this. or the doc that "listens" to nurses say the pt is a DNR/DNI and proceeds to go into the pt room, and in front of the family in a nasty tone of voice, "do you want to die???" walks out of the room and makes the pt a partial code...wake up doc, pts have the right to say stop, make me comfortable, I don't want anything heroic to keep me alive. Same doc, comes in to ask about a pt and gets upset that the pt is no longer in room "where is the pt?" response: "in the morgue" doc: "what is he doing there?" response (after extremely bad night) "having a party would you like to join him?"...actually said this. doc: "did you code him, you did for how long, how long, what were you trying to keep him alive?" response (actual): yes, 45 minutes, 45 minutes, no we were ready to stop the code but the hospitalist didn't want to stop yet, and after giving Epi 6 times...they keep going for a while....mind you 3 other docs were there trying not to listen to this conversation or laugh outloud.....we can't stop codes only docs can. felt like saying if you have a problem with how long the code went on, then you need to talk to the doc that ran the code...don't get pi##y with us.
Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.
GracedRN...
I once witnessed a physician pistol-whipping where the nurse told him, "Your head is so far up your (rear), you better write new orders for yourself if you want me to help get it out!"
I didn't go quite that far, but as a student, I was getting an Alzheimer's patient washed and into her clothes for the day. It wasn't a full bath day for her, so I gave her a bit of a bed bath and peri care before getting her dressed.
As I was struggling to get her diaper on (non-disposable), I felt like I was being watched. I look up and there's a man I've never seen before, staring at the woman's genitals. I had shut the door when I had entered the room, plus pulled the curtain, even though she was in a private room.
I didn't stop to think or to question; I just raled on him. "What are you DOING?!? You do NOT enter a room without knocking on the door or otherwise announcing yourself!". He stammered that he was her doctor, to which I replied, "I don't CARE! You can show courtesy and knock on the door, not just stick your head in the room and stare at the patient's crotch!". He ran off and I never did see the poor guy again. :uhoh21: I warned my instructor of what I'd done in case he got mad at me after the fact and went to her to complain. She said I was perhaps a bit heavy-handed but I had definitely advocated for my patient.
I loved reading this thread so much that I plan to copy and paste a number of them and send them to my nurse friends so that they can get up a good laugh too. Keep them coming!:)
To the doctor of my hospice patients... Thank you for allowing me to teach you new things every now and then, thank you for telling me I'm doing a good job once in a while, and thank you for helping me up off the floor after you told me you trust my judgement and value my opinion!!! And most of all thank you for knowing what the meaning of the word TEAM is.
Doctor, your patient has been awake all night after being admitted at 12 am for induction of labor. Please, please PLEASE let her have her epidural BEFORE you break her water!
After several times saying good morning to a doc and never receiving a response, a glance or any acknowledgement that I had even spoken, I stepped into his path and said "Why didn't you tell me"? He looked at me in shock, wide eyed and said "Tell you what"? I said, "you didn't tell me I was invisible again today"!!!
He didn't know what to say. Never ignored me again though!!! lol, I can still see the look on his face.....hahahah:lol2:
To the oncologist who I called at 7:30am and told you your CANCER pt had pain out of control. You said..Oh I'm not on, you need to call someone else.
Then you showed up at 9:00 with starbucks in your hand. I said "Oh, Dr so and so, you said you were not on today." You said "Well, I wasn't on, it was 7:30. I usually don't answer my pager or give orders that early."
I sincerly hope you never get cancer and end up on my floor in terrible PAIN........It just may have to wait an hour and a half you mean evil lazy woman......
MD does not stand for Minor Deity. You are a person, not a god.
Amen! Amen!! I had a pt. once, who was a former nurse, who said in the best way I've heard so far..."I'm pretty sure they all put their pants on one leg at a time just like you & me, honey!"
this may have already been mentioned but i personally would love to look them in the face and tell them that i am a nurse not because i could not get into medschool but because i wanted to be a nurse!!!
also would love to tell them "your wrong" without having to beat around the bush about it.... someday i will snap i just know it... :grn:
or....i didn't become a doctor because i was aware that i would have to be on call for 24 hr. periods & i didn't want to be. i did not decide to go ahead and do it, then make the lives of those taking care of my patients miserable because they called me at 3 am for a critical lab that needed to be reported at 3 am. sorry doctor, as a nurse, i'm a pt. advocate & i'm pretty sure they told you that you'd get calls in the middle of the night while you went through medical school.
To the doctor of my hospice patients... Thank you for allowing me to teach you new things every now and then, thank you for telling me I'm doing a good job once in a while, and thank you for helping me up off the floor after you told me you trust my judgement and value my opinion!!! And most of all thank you for knowing what the meaning of the word TEAM is.
Red (I'm a ginger, too!!!),
Thank you for that. More often than not, the docs at the hospital where I work are amazing! We have a great team on the cardiovascular ICU.
dede1956
70 Posts
love these....keep them going. how about the doc that got called around 2200 and asks "who is the pt, what is his name, what was he admitted with, who is the idiot that admitted him?" took me all of 2 sec to tell the doc that he is the idiot that admitted the pt, "you did." very hard to not grin ear to ear and laugh while saying this. or the doc that "listens" to nurses say the pt is a DNR/DNI and proceeds to go into the pt room, and in front of the family in a nasty tone of voice, "do you want to die???" walks out of the room and makes the pt a partial code...wake up doc, pts have the right to say stop, make me comfortable, I don't want anything heroic to keep me alive. Same doc, comes in to ask about a pt and gets upset that the pt is no longer in room "where is the pt?" response: "in the morgue" doc: "what is he doing there?" response (after extremely bad night) "having a party would you like to join him?"...actually said this. doc: "did you code him, you did for how long, how long, what were you trying to keep him alive?" response (actual): yes, 45 minutes, 45 minutes, no we were ready to stop the code but the hospitalist didn't want to stop yet, and after giving Epi 6 times...they keep going for a while....mind you 3 other docs were there trying not to listen to this conversation or laugh outloud.....we can't stop codes only docs can. felt like saying if you have a problem with how long the code went on, then you need to talk to the doc that ran the code...don't get pi##y with us.