The patient's family members

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My brother was a nurse a few years before I had started nursing school. He told me numerous times that he wanted to leave the floors because of the family members. I didn't fully understand the gravity of his words until I started working the floors. A few days ago, one of many incidents, a daughter walked out of her elderly father's room ranting and raving about why her father had been laying in bed with a soiled diaper. I explained to the daughter that I was in that room approx 15 mins ago, and he did not have a soiled diaper at that time. I had just finished a bladder scan. Which resulted in the need to do a in/out cath. I changed his diaper at that point. He was aphasic due to a CVA, so he couldn't add to the conversation. If he could have, I'm sure he would have told his daughter what good care he was receiving from me. I'm not trying to say I'm wonderful, but I know that I'm not lazy. "Oh well, let him lay in his own feces. I don't care." That's ridiculious. I would never williingly allow that. I'm sick of those family members who assume the worst. The statistics for me are approx one "ranting and raving" incident/shift. Calgon, take me away!!! :bugeyes:

What a great thread!

What is it about family members that think they have the right to talk to us like they do? Would they talk to members of their family or their friends that way?? what makes them think it is ok to talk to perfect strangers like we are dirt under their feet??

I am 38 years old and my daddy would STILL kick my butt for acting like that in public:angryfire

dont get me wrong, I totally understand their feelings of guilt and inadequate coping mechanisms and my heart does go out to them, really it does.

but

I think some people come in to facilities ready to complain.

I work in LTC/rehab and I swear some days, just like yall I'm sure, I have to go home and lay down because I am so stressed from the family members. The patients are easy peasy most times. Makes you wonder doesnt it?

I work weekends as the supervisor and I swear every single monday morning work is calling me to ask about a million complaints from the weekend.

Currently my favorite family member to complain is over HR at another hospital. She calls herself a doctor:uhoh3:

I had another family member corner me, literally, in a room this weekend for a 30 minute rant. During her rant she proceded to tell me that the CNAs do NOT care about "old people". She said "they are just here for the money". Yall....I couldnt help it....I busted out laffing.:lol2:

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There is no reason nurses should swallow abuse. Doctors don't, no other profession we work with expects to have to do so. Why should nurses? I say we should not.

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I am a pre-nursing student, so I don't know how things work on a floor but in these circumstances, shouldn't/couldn't a nurse call security?

Yes. You can and should expect to be safe on your job. You are not a punching bag. Do what you need to do to feel and be safe. I'm really glad you are thinking this way.

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Specializes in Nursing assistant.

I had another family member corner me, literally, in a room this weekend for a 30 minute rant. During her rant she proceded to tell me that the CNAs do NOT care about "old people". She said "they are just here for the money". Yall....I couldnt help it....I busted out laffing.:lol2:

Money????Where? I want some!

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When my mom was in last, I did most of her care. They would always check in and run for linen for me and such. I was really pleased with their help and attitude. I was careful to mention them by name to there supervisor as great NAs.

One night, though, I went home for the night, she seemed to be doing well (I spoke to the night nurse to make her aware mom was still dizzy from the meds an needed some help walking to the commode). Poor girl got a case of the runs, and apparently there was different staff that night. Figures. In the morning, what a mess! Mom had called for help, but they just didn't come, left her on the commode for two hours, didnt clean her up when she was done. It is amazing to me how different one shift can be from the other! Her linen was soiled, the floor had stool on it. We just cleaned up, and I stayed the next night.

Shame on you for doing it, too, Chadash. Why would you accept that lousy care? You were not doing anyone a favor by not reporting it.

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Specializes in Nursing assistant.

I know, you are right. I guess as a nursing assistant, I have learned to fear nurses to a certain degree, and compensate for their lack of caring. It was a nurse, not an NA that neglected my mom that night, and true to form, I cleaned up her mess, hugged my mom, and did not rock the boat for fear some one would retiliate and she would suffer more.

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Specializes in Nursing assistant.

Gabie, thanks , you got me thinking.....

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I have lucked out in the town I am in as far as family. Most of the people at my facilty are happy with the care and the rare few that we do get that seem to be unhappy can usually be calmed down- and then talk to you about what is going on. I am not hesistent to ask them what I can do to make this whole experience better for them- usually they will tell me, and after that everything is usually smooth going.

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great thread....just read all five pages....great ideas...and its nice to see that difficult visitors/family members is a universal issue *(bump).

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Specializes in OB.

Good Thread.

Beacuase I work L&D I have some different family issues. I love family to be around it adds a whole other demention to birth, however we too deal with difficult family. Family that "hangs out" just waiting to see the baby, like it is some type of sporting event. If you arent going to be helpful please go home and see the baby tomorrow. Don't bring your very young child to the hospital in the middle of the night just to see your friends, counis, half-sisters baby. You can see it tomorrow. Family that demands that we "do something" because their family member is in pain. I didn't get her pregnant, yell at him.

I don't know when it became OK for people to act the way they do, but I don't like it. I would never dream of acting the way others do to get my way, it is very childish. It reminds me of a toddler thorwing a temper tantrum.

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rpbear, I SOOOO understand what you mean. For some reason there are a lot of people who act WORSE than a three-year-old with a temper tantrum. Evidently it works for them or they wouldn't do it, I suppose. :trout:

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Hats off to all nurses!! If I could hug everyone of you...everyone of us...I would!

As my Mom was dying, one dear nurse came to my side, put her arm around my shoulder, and said, "Today, you're not a nurse. You are your Mother's daughter. Please, if there is anything I can do to make this easier just let me know."

What timing! What a gift she had given me and my kids! It was a blessing to know we weren't alone in these final days of a wrenching ordeal. This blessed nurse knew and cared!! Not even my siblings would involve themselves in these final few months of my dear Mother's life. As my brother told me, " I just can't be there. It hurts too much to see Mom like this. I just want to remember her as she was when she was healthy."

As devastating and isolating as that was to hear and experience, I had to respect it. After all, he was honest and up-front about his and his family's absence.

While the extended family was gossiping about and second-guessing the No Code and Comfort Measures only status, there was no emotional support for my little family. We were the front-line.

God Bless that nurse for the strength and understanding she gave to us when we felt so defeated and all alone in our fatigue and grief.

I can never thank her enough except to let her know that in my own practice to emulate her heart is my success!

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