The most emotional nurse-patient moment that you've had or heard about

Super_RN, BSN, RN · Jul 12, 2005

i have had quite a few emotional moments, but then again i am such a sensitive person (i'm 23 and still cry over disney movies!). i believe the first time i ever cried was during a code on a 54-year-old male on christmas eve. he had been discussing basketball with his son and then just dropped over. his wife and daughter (who had been my age) came into the ed room during the code and his wife kept screaming," don't you do this to me, don't you dare die on me now"...his daughter kept saying, "daddy, don't go, please don't go". i was crying, everyone was crying but there was nothing we could do.

another very emotional moment came when i responded to a trauma code in ed one night (i work icu, but respond to codes elsewhere too ). it was 26-year-old gsw to the upper chest. i remember looking at his eyes and thinking how beautiful they were, and how long his lashes were. of course they were glazed over and he died pretty much instantly...i was wearing white pants that night and ended up throwing them away because during cpr, his arm and hand kept bouncing on my thigh / leg and i had bloody handprints all over them...very hard for me, he was so young.

i believe that experience helps to deal with the grief easier, but it is still emotional when death occurs.

:balloons: jaime

nursepotter05, RN · Jul 12, 2005

I work in a Pediatric ED in a level one trauma center. I was working as a nurse extern. A women ran through the ambulance bay doors screaming with her little boy in her arms. He had had multiple seizures that day. Many of the staff knew him because they came in fairly regularly. He died as the nurses were trying to get lines started. You could hear his mother screaming all over the Emergency room. We finally had to call security because she tried to break the attending MD's arm. They had to check her in at the psych hospital. After he died, I had to sit with him in a room by myself until the medical examiner arrived. In the meantime, the little boys grandparents arrived. They talked to him about how he didn't have to suffer anymore. After they left, a nurse, patient transport, and I put his little body in a body bag. He was already getting stiff. I lost it by this time. We all cried all the way to the morgue where the medical examiner was waiting to pick him up.

I don't think I will ever forget what he looked like and his grandparent's talking to him.

I don't think it ever gets any easier. I will probably always cry when I lose one. The important thing is to let it out and talk about it or else it will drive a person crazy.

mattsmom81 · Jul 12, 2005

Great stories and insights from all...good thread! :)

browsing · Jul 12, 2005

I think the hardest part for me when i do become a nurse will be dealing with loss of patients. I can't believe you said that the body was already stiff and you had to put it in a bag Do you find situations like those encouraging in your career or does it sometimes wear you down? If I see a patient who is very ill and no one ever or barely comes to visit I would like cry of sympathy for that person. It's very sad how familiy members just "throw" away another just because they're old and dying

Gompers, BSN, RN · Jul 12, 2005

Do you find situations like those encouraging in your career or does it sometimes wear you down?

A little of both, depends on the situation. I work in the NICU, and there are two kinds of deaths we see - preemies or other babies born with problems who are horribly sick and have been for a long time, who finally are at rest...and babies that are born full-term and perfect who just up and DIE, either from infection, asphyxia, heart defect, etc. The former is easier to take, even though we've become close to their families, because we know it was for the best. The latter, my gosh, that's just the worst.

What makes it encouraging is that the kind of bond that we form with our patients and their families. Most of the time only the parents and grandparents are visiting the baby, so we know their children better than almost anyone. Even when the babies die after a long illness, their families sometimes do and say amazing things that make everything worth it, that make us feel like we are 100% in the right field. Most non-medical people sometimes can't understand that - how a baby dying can make a NICU nurse cherish her job.

Let me think...

One baby went home and wasn't expected to survive more than a year or two. Just a few months after discharge his parents found him one morning and saw that he had passed away overnight. When they brought him to the ER, his mother called me down from the NICU because she wanted me there with them, to help them say good-bye. Three years later, she called me at work, just to thank me for everything I did for her family, and to let me know that she was doing alright. It took her that long to work up the courage to call the unit again. But she made herself, she said, because she needed me to know how much it all meant to her and that she'd never forget me.

Another baby died rather unexpectedly after a few weeks, and his parents asked the NICU nurses who attended the wake to say a few words about him. They didn't ask anyone else there to speak, just us, because we knew this baby best. After we spoke, his father had everyone give us a round of applause for all our hard work, for our dedication, and for how much we did for them in the hours surrounding their child's death.

As a nurse, you're going to find yourself watching families go through so many things. Sometimes it'll be wonderful to be a part of the celebration when a patient makes a miraculous recovery, as you are seeing pure joy and that is a wonderful treat. Other times you'll be watching people as they go through the darkest days of their lives, and to know that your presence helped them even a little bit...it just makes you so damn proud to be a nurse.

nursepotter05, RN · Jul 12, 2005

It's hard to deal with sometimes, especially when its an abused child. It is those cases that really bother me. I take the good with the bad, because I love the kids.

QUOTE=browsing]I think the hardest part for me when i do become a nurse will be dealing with loss of patients. I can't believe you said that the body was already stiff and you had to put it in a bag Do you find situations like those encouraging in your career or does it sometimes wear you down? If I see a patient who is very ill and no one ever or barely comes to visit I would like cry of sympathy for that person. It's very sad how familiy members just "throw" away another just because they're old and dying

MacNurse · Jul 12, 2005

Have you ever experienced a death of your own patient? How did you handle it? Does it ever get easier??
Was there ever a time where you just could not keep yourself from crying? How do you cope with it all?

I will never keep myself from crying as a nurse. I don't think it's healthy. Obviously sobbing to the point where you yourself need to be comforted is a bit much..but crying because you're empathising with the patient or their family is okay. The day I stop crying with patients is the day I'll quit being a nurse.

Everyone copes differently, sometimes talking about it, writing about it, seeking support from colleagues. You'll find your own strategy.

The death of a patient isn't easy. Particularly when it's a child (that's why I'll never be able to handle peds or NICU), or someone that should stilll be alive. But death is a part of life, and IMHO it's not the end really. My clinical experience this past semester, death has been a blessing as it meant the end of suffering.

browsing · Jul 12, 2005

Yes, death can sometimes be a blessing to the patient..

What nurses do in their careers are amazing. If I ever become ill (hopefully never ) i hope I get a nurse who truly cares for the patients to take care of me and not some bitter nurse who keeps doing her work half heartly just to make money. I understand why patients or the family members of patients would call up the nurses who took care of them even after years have passed. I would be so thankful if I was the patient and a nurse took great care of me emotionally and physically :)