Terrible experience with nursing staff

[guest1074638]

I'm going through a really rough time and I'm not sure this is the best place to put this post but I guess I need someone to hear me.

I moved to Brazil in 2019 and, short story, I had an urgent hysterectomy (open abdominal) 2 days ago. The nursing staff at the hospital here were extremely indifferent toward me. I was very frightened before the surgery and was crying, nobody held my hand or told me it would be okay. They only talked to me to tell me to move this way, put my arm here, etc. 1 day postop I tried to ambulate to the bathroom (no one would help me) and fainted, hitting my face on the bathroom floor (currently have a black eye and bruised cheekbone). I woke up and yelled "help, help!" about 10-15 times before anyone came, finally it was my boyfriend who woke up and came to help me. The nurses stood there sucking their teeth and saying they can't believe I did this as he helped me back to bed. No one examined me afterwards, looked at my face, or even asked if I had symptoms.

The doctor came shortly after that and said I could go home, and you could believe I got out of there as fast as I could. The doctor only sent me home with ketoprofen. For an open abdominal surgery. I am currently using old prescriptions of zofran and hydrocodone I brought with me from the states.

My feelings are so hurt at being treated like this. I would never in my life let a patient fall. I would never let a patient sit in bed and cry. I have always made sure to tell my patients to call me if they feel anxious, upset, or need to talk. I hold my patients' hands and say I am here for you.

I feel like these nurses hated me. My boyfriend, who is Brazilian, says this is normal here. He says it is his fault for letting me fall because the family is supposed to do all the patient care, the nurses are just there to give medication. I am beyond offended at this idea, that nurses are just pill pushers. I am having a lot of second thoughts about living in a place where anyone would act like this, to me it's just common decency.

I was discharged to home yesterday and honestly terrified of having complications and having to go back to the hospital. I also feel like I need to find out what the governing body is for hospitals here and file a complaint against these people.

[cubby777]

On 2/17/2020 at 12:37 AM, brownbook said:

Tell me exactly what you want me, Alnurses, or anyone to do?

I have no idea what the governing body for hospitals in Brazil is. Thus I suggest you contact the American Embassy.

I am really sorry you had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

What strange answers you gave to the guest who started the thread. Your answers show a real arrogance & lack of empathy, the same qualities she must have seen in the Brazilian nurses. If you can't be helpful & say something nice, don't say anything at all.

[cubby777]

On 2/17/2020 at 1:16 AM, brownbook said:

Thank you for that very informative link.

I finally realized what really bothers me about your post. It's the expectations of some American tourists or Americans who move to developing countries. They get annoyed when they don't receive first class treatment, or even basic care or treatment they have come to expect in the USA.

I think, and your boyfriend seems to be saying the same thing, you are receiving the exact same level of care the average Brazilian encounters every day. And comparing it, in a very negative way, to how things are done in the USA.

Your outlook on the guest's post is unbelievable! Give this person a break! She had major surgery! She could have had internal bleeding from that fall & been in worse shape! It's inexcusable that any hospital would treat patients the way they treated her! I don't care if it is third world. I've been to Brazil as well & most people there do not treat others with the coldness & indifference that those nurses had! On top of her experience there with nurses lacking any shred of compassion, she comes here for someone to listen & you give her a judgmental answer! If her post "bothers you", you need to seriously examine your reasons for being in nursing.

[cubby777]

On 2/17/2020 at 5:21 AM, caliotter3 said:

No. This person is pushing it, no matter what happened 48 hours ago. They came here looking for validation with probably the same attitude they gave at the hospital. And we don’t have any idea how they were acting prior to the procedure. Nobody gives the rest of us a bye for bad behavior.

Incredible lack of compassion & tact. Would not want you for my nurse!

[cubby777]

On 2/17/2020 at 4:36 PM, TheLastUnicorn said:

I am sorry for what you are going through. Culture shock can be brutal. I'd highly suggest maybe researching more of Brazilian culture so the shock effect is lessened. You should have done this before moving, and also your boyfriend is somewhat responsible for not telling you what to expect. I do hope you are starting to feel somewhat better.

Being tossed out of the hospital after a couple of days post surgery isn't abnormal. Even after a C-Section you're only kept a couple of days. Perhaps they didn't give you better pain medication simply because they assumed your pain was controlled or minimal and that's why you were ready to leave. I honestly don't know; perhaps make a follow up appointment with a doctor and discuss your pain if it's not controlled.

All that said; it feels like you have a very fairy tale perspective of US nursing. Maybe that's the hormones, or the drugs, or just being homesick; but honestly... depending on the setting, you're going to be hard pressed to find a nurse to pull up a chair at your bedside and hold your hand while you sob because you're scared. I'm sorry. I'd love to give you that amount of console, but my other patient's can't afford it. I have you and five or six others and they are entitled to the same care you are. Doesn't mean I am not sympathetic, and can't take a few minutes to try and east some fear... but I can't give you much more than that. As someone else said; I would never tell a patient everything would be okay. I don't know that. Complications happen all the time. Never tell a patient they are going to be just fine, or okay, or "oh don't worry you're not going to die, we're gonna take care of you".

Now, why did you attempt to ambulate by yourself? I don't understand this. You are a nurse, right? Even in the US, this is the number one thing we are constantly drilling into our patient's heads. I can't fathom that you actually attempted to ambulate yourself, on your own, after surgery. Especially when you say your boyfriend was there. So, even if you did call, and no one answered.... you didn't wake him up until you were on the floor? If you had woken him up, he could have explained that's not the nurses' job it's his, and he would have helped you. He is basically your point of contact and familiarity in his new country you're living in. You should be relying on him and asking him all the questions to make sense and understand the culture you've thrown yourself into.

Lastly, and I hate to say this. I hope you and him are taking the time currently to discuss your future together after this. A hysterectomy is a life changing thing to endure. It can damage relationships, even in the strongest of ones where someone is absolutely certain it won't matter. If he was ever under the impression you two would have a family together you need to address all this sooner rather than later. Yes, there is adoption, surrogacy, and other options but you need to make sure he is on board with all that. You need to make sure you are on board with it too.

Very superior sounding. Any nurse should try & put themselves in the other's place. Hopefully, you will not experience the lack of compassion that the guest poster did when and if you are ever a patient!

[cubby777]

On 2/17/2020 at 7:03 PM, Orion81RN said:

That really makes me wonder if I missed some of her comments. Because while I completely agree with the posters here, I wouldn't call her comments inflammatory.

I find this post very interesting, but am having trouble putting it into words. Something rubbed me the wrong way about the initial post. I'm American and found MYSELF feeling defensive, let alone how I'd feel if I were a nurse from Brazil.

The public perception of what nursing should be has been irking me to no end. I tried expressing it on a fb comment, but admitted in my comment that I wasn't expressing myself well. I was absolutely roasted in the comments...by fellow nurses. I am just SO DONE with the "Nurses are supposed to be" comments. Because I'm a nurse I'm supposed to be more emotional, more caring, more *visibly* empathetic...AT ALL TIMES, not just at work? Ridiculous. If you hear people tell stories of medical encounters that didn't go how they expected, you will see tons if comments starting with "Nurses are supposed to be..." from people who have zero clue about my profession. To then hear a fellow NURSE complain about it just rubbed me the wrong way. To then not even consider that you are in a different country, or at LEAST take into consideration the replies received and try to understand others view points...is just astounding. Then to further basically tell people to not reply if they do not agree...can you tell I'm a bit PO''d? I can't even finish my sentences. Inflammatory, though? I must have missed something.

It seems like you & many of the other nurses reacting to the guest poster are very unfair to her, blaming her for her honest rendition of her experience in a Brazilian hospital. Why can't you people just listen to her without being so judgmental, & worse, acting offended at her experience! It wasn't your experience, you weren't there..so what gives you all the right to be judge & jury? Incredible lack of understanding of another's predicament!

[cubby777]

On 2/18/2020 at 1:44 PM, mermer_rn said:

I will say that I lived in another country for five years that was some what underdeveloped and had universal type healthcare and had my baby there. It's a very different idea of healthcare as well as the influence from the culture itself...it seems its common in places like these that the family is expected to provide much of the care following the instructions of the nurse or doctors as well as supply much of the medication and supplies. When I had my baby I picked up a list of all the supplies and had to go buy everything including the sterile gloves, drinking water, food, bandages, etc. I did often feel I was treated a bit coldly because I was American, but I learned how to speak the language and how they expected me to act and I acted accordingly and was always treated much better than other Americans who would be demanding, angry, upset. It's just very different and you absolutely cannot expect what you get in America...there is no patient satisfaction scores and you are expected to cooperate and agree with the course of care the doctors dictate. Hospitals in countries like these are places you only go if you absolutely have to and you get out as soon as possible because the expectation is you have a large family to help care for you. Having to have a lot pain medication and help is kind of a shameful thing...it looks bad on you as well as your family, it would be considered embarrassing. Sorry for your experience...I don't think anyone was acting maliciously, I just think you have to understand the culture you are in

"Having to have pain medication & help is a shameful thing" ??? What a truly bizarre answer to another human being who received abysmal care postop major surgery! What are hospitals for if they can't help & give pain meds???

[cubby777]

On 2/18/2020 at 7:45 PM, Wuzzie said:

Perhaps with her first post Charlee but she shot herself in the foot when she got snotty. You’ve been here long enough to know the kind of reaction that gets. Why wasn’t her boyfriend holding her hand? Why didn’t he help her to the bathroom? She moved to a strange country to be with him. I think her anger is misdirected or the nurses are a safer target for it.

I didn't pick up any "snottiness" or "anger" in her post - she thought she could turn to nurses for empathy but you all succeeded in proving her wrong..you're no different than the nurses she encountered in Brazil. Sad.

[cubby777]

So sad to see nurses pummeling this guest who comes here with a horrific experience to relate, yet in return she receives condemnation from other NURSES! It's beyond belief how bizarre humans can be! Instead of understanding, we have nurses on this post who would rather blame! She did nothing wrong except turn to you all for help!

[Wuzzie]

2 hours ago, cubby777 said:

I didn't pick up any "snottiness" or "anger" in her post - she thought she could turn to nurses for empathy but you all succeeded in proving her wrong..you're no different than the nurses she encountered in Brazil. Sad.

Perhaps you missed the following.

On 2/17/2020 at 12:33 AM, guest1074638 said:

Thanks for the judgment, dude. I'm sure that's what you would want in this situation. I hope trying to make someone feel like crap on the internet made your day better.

On 2/17/2020 at 12:48 AM, guest1074638 said:

Maybe if you don't have anything helpful to say and just want to make someone feel worse, maybe just go on ahead and refrain from replying. That's what I want you to do. And anyone else who has a *** sarcastic reply as well.

On 2/17/2020 at 1:00 AM, guest1074638 said:

This was basic NUR 101 material for my program. I hope you can learn something here

https://www.Google.com/search?q=how+to+show+compassion+when+someone+is+sick&oq=how+to+show+compassion+when+someone+is+sick

Also, you are on the verge of doing exactly what you are chastising us for. Remember the old saying about pointing a finger.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

5 hours ago, cubby777 said:

What strange answers you gave to the guest who started the thread. Your answers show a real arrogance & lack of empathy, the same qualities she must have seen in the Brazilian nurses. If you can't be helpful & say something nice, don't say anything at all.

"I'm really sorry you had to have an emergency hysterectomy" shows "arrogance" and a "lack of empathy"? Baloney. Your outrage at such a benign post seems over the top, but you are entitled to state your opinion. And so is the poster you quoted-you don't get to designate who can respond and who cannot. If the post doesn't violate TOS, it's not for you to order someone not to post.

[mermer_rn, BSN]

6 hours ago, cubby777 said:

"Having to have pain medication & help is a shameful thing" ??? What a truly bizarre answer to another human being who received abysmal care postop major surgery! What are hospitals for if they can't help & give pain meds???

I am merely shedding light on my experience with a culture that may be similar to the one I experienced. I am by no means agreeing or disagreeing with it and I felt my response was phrased pretty unbiased. The culture in which I lived it was considered shameful to need pain medications or require a lot of pampering and care ....it is also considered shameful to get an epidural during labor and this has a lot to do with culture and culture always influences healthcare. I'm sure you wouldn't go to another country and expect everything to be the same as it is in your country....language, food, transportation, etc so why would you expect the health care to be the same.

[heron, ASN, RN]

7 hours ago, cubby777 said:

So sad to see nurses pummeling this guest who comes here with a horrific experience to relate, yet in return she receives condemnation from other NURSES! It's beyond belief how bizarre humans can be! Instead of understanding, we have nurses on this post who would rather blame! She did nothing wrong except turn to you all for help!

Ahh ... the Compassion Police have landed. Where did you get the quaint notion that AN is a therapy site, or that members are required to act as unpaid therapists on their own time?

This unicorns and butterflies stereotype of nurses is getting downright nauseating.