Sunday June 2nd 2024

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jun 2, 2024

Good morning!

Struggled a bit this morning sleeping. Woke up thinking it after 6:00 and it was only 5:15 so I fed the dogs and struggled to get back to sleep but sleep a bit more. Yoga yesterday wasn't a class I liked so I went to the gym instead and will go to the hot class I like. She's switched up the schedule a bit to teach a fitness class. I've been to it but like the hot yoga better.

I've been craving arepas and have the corn meal to make them from when I made them sometime last year. Arepas is a type of flatbread/corn cake that's popular I think in South America that is stuffed with various things. I've seen them sold at various street fairs here stuffed with cheese. There are even a couple of arepas restaurants nearby. I'll probably stuff mine with some black beans.

I see I'm working Pride this year which is a bummer. We have a huge one here. Yesterday was a local one in a quirky town next to us (we're really one huge megapolosis here) that I forgot about.

Hope everyone has a good Sunday.

No Stars In My Eyes · Jun 2, 2024

Happy Pride Week! I gotta tell you an amusing comment I rec'd one time. I was 22 and at a party; a gay guy came up to me and said "I REALLY wish you were a GUY. You are so cute, you'd make a good boyfriend!" Yup, that's what he said! My reply was, "Okay, ummm, thanks, I think!" 😊

Nannie is admiring her outfit: Aubergine (eggplant color) pants, Dark purple turtleneck, and a thick jacket with primary color of maroon, with gold and black flowers on it, plus those everlovin' purple/maroon shoes. She pulls her turtleneck's sleeve down to her wrist and makes me look at how well things go together, then smooths the front hem of her jacket and says, "Look how good it goes with my pants and shoes!" I'm happy she's happy, but geeze *I* am the one who chose the clothes and helped her dress....so why she has to keep showing me, I do not know. Well, except she likes it and wants to share, AND there's always that dementia thing taking her brain around, about, and back again!

The weather does not know what it wants to do today. It is 79 degrees with 61% humidity and cloudy/sunny/cloudy/sunny/cloudy/sunny. There's a 51% chance of rain at 2 PM and again at 9 PM. ( Really? At 2 and at 9? How do they determine that?) The wind is blowing pretty good, which is another thing Nannie calls my attention to, "Look! Look at the wind!" // We don't have the TV on, but when we do, if there is a baby (or young child) on the screen, however briefly, Nannie says, "Oh, l-o-o-o-o-k at that precious baby!" It took me a lot of years before I learned NOT to look up and see the kid; don't mean to sound like a humbug, but infants are not one of my fascinations and it doesn't matter how many times Nannie has seen it, she still goes gaga.

I reckon that BiL, SiL, their dgt and grand-dgt are on their way to Oak Island. I hope they have some decent weather this week while they are there.

I thought my Dr's appt was on Thursday when the new CG will be here, but it is Wednesday, so I suppose I will take Nannie along with me ( 1:20 PM) and she can sit in the waiting room; she doesn't get to listen to me grouse about her and the time-off I wish I had to myself, among other things. Her doctor's appt is on Friday at the same time of day, but with a different doctor.....this one was her original PCP, years ago, so I wonder if she'll recognize him. I've never met him, but everyone praises him to the skies. and hubby used to call him for advice about Nannie, even when he was no longer working in the office (he switched to working at the hospital as the top-dog there, for their practice.)

Those are the plans for the week. That and NOT spending any money if I can help it....I am living on that thin line of dental-floss again, ie my bank balance is very LOW, and I don't get a check from BiL until the 12th, then my SS check on the 26th. *sigh* It is tough to get used to having only one income source (SS), when for years hubby's check was VERY helpful to get through the month. And before BiL took over guardianship (my choice, 'cause I didn't want to deal with it!) I also had Nannie's SS check and some investment checks. I think I already mentioned this, but when the iL's come back from their vacation I am going to ask them (through Nannie's acct) to bump up my pay to $500/mo. That's only $125/wk and I don't think that is too outrageous to ask for, because $100 per week is kind of paltry for all the things I do, and having to BE HERE NOW all the time!

This morning I started going through the LARGE box of old mail to be shredded....I separate all the things with my name and address (and that square squiggly thing you can scan with a smart-phone to get into your offer). That way I am not ruining the blades on the shredder for empty pages or envelopes with nuthin' on 'em. I did get one of those things you can use to black out the address, etc, but I haven't tried it yet. Gee, maybe I ought to! If it works well I can just blot out the identifying info and then toss it all in the recycling! What a concept! 🙃

All for now. Y'all stay well and safe and all that good stuff!

.....yabba-yabba-yabba.....

nursej22, MSN, RN · Jun 2, 2024

Hi all. We had a brief break in rain yesterday, but it has returned. It was dry early, so I took a chance and rode my bike to breakfast. It held off so I got my 10 mile ride in, listening to my podcast and riding past sprouting fields. All the plantings seem so late.

Dh tried his had at making risotto last night, and I think he tired of it about 1/2 way through. Traditionally one has to stand and continually stir the rice and add liquid gradually, and it can take about 30 minutes. I had a recipe somewhere to make it in a dutch oven, in the oven, which to me, is much easier. His recipe had lemon juice and white wine in it, and it was a little tart for my taste.

I'm thinking I may go back to the sport medicine Dr. and get injections in my knees, or maybe I'll wait until I see the physical therapist on Friday. I'm just tired of not being able to jog as far, and then aching for the rest of day.

I have shed many pairs of shoes, now that I don't have to dress for work. I do seem to have a surplus of sneakers. I retire my running sneaks after 400 miles, but hate to toss them because they don't look that worn. I went through my closet yesterday, and pulled a bunch of tops, dresses, and belts to donate. And hangars, that I hope dh won't grab to keep.

Nothing planned for the day. I need to paint the new doors we had hung, and repair the window sill the dogs chewed, but need some dry warm weather. Argh. Maybe I'll straighten my dresser drawers, and winnow down some more clothes.

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Jun 2, 2024

Happy Pride Month!

It has been a gloomy rainy day and I've been doing lots of laundry -- for the trip and so I have things to wear when we get back. The power blinked a few times and I was worried I wouldn't be able to keep doing laundry.

I made risotto once or twice. It does require constant attention and while it was good I haven't made the effort again. I do need to make more of my own sauces and such to control the amount of sodium.

I'm leaving written instructions for the boys. If we all die in a car crash, which funeral home has Gma's prepaid funeral, and how to contact our Edward Jones guy and HR at the hospital. And social security.

Plus they need to know what medicines to give the pets this week.

I did get the plants in the ground. Nice that it rained today.

londonflo · Jun 2, 2024

No Stars In My Eyes said:

That and NOT spending any money if I can help it....I am living on that thin line of dental-floss again, ie my bank balance is very LOW, and I don't get a check from BiL until the 12th, then my SS check on the 26th. *sigh* It is tough to get used to having only one income source (SS), when for years hubby's check was VERY helpful to get through the month.

Survivors Benefits | SSA

I can't get the link to post but have you made an appointment with your Social Security office? You may be entitled to more $ as his widow. If he made more than you working and then a higher Social Security payment is considered in determining payments. Be assertive with the Social Security office and don't tell BIL and SIL. if the Social Security Agency brushes you off, send an email to your local state representative asking for help in dealing with the issue. Tax dollars (which you are paying) are keeping those people employed. . It can be a difficult process (sometimes the government has so many layers to handle) but with PERSISTANCE you can get it done.

I know I sound angry but I have had my difficulties with SSA (Social Security Agency). I retired early after I broke my hip and received "an early retirement benefit". This was all noted. signed in my retirement papers, acknowledged by the government as non taxable. 2 years later I get a notice from SSA they are limiting my payments because my "early retirement benefit" was now taxable. Believe it or not our local SSA office in a state Capital city was closed for several weeks (pipe broke?) . I repeatedly called my state rep and got it resolved. It takes a tremendous amount of persistence.

But STARS you are entitled to more of your late husband's SSA...Pursuing that should be a priority

No Stars In My Eyes · Jun 3, 2024

I did go to the SSA (FINALLY, weeks after they decided to answer their phone.) Turns out all I had to do, ( after they insisted I get a LOT what turned out to be unnecessary not-pertinent documents,) was put hubby's death certificate in an envelope with his and my names, SS#'s and address on a different piece of paper, and drop them in the SSA's drop box. It was the next day they called me to verify a few things, and when the 4th Wednesday rolled around, I started getting the amount of his SS check. It's only $100 more a month, but at least it's something. I personally think they should have given me the amounts of BOTH our SS but they don't do that. They SHOULD!

BiL and SiL have turned out to be a big help for me; they are going to pay the TV service and WiFi bill, which will be a bill I no longer have to pay ($186.++) And I do get a stipend for my time and the caregiving, and also a check for $$ for groceries. I'd like the Widows Allowance to finish paying off hubby's cremation bill, but the lawyer said that wasn't one of the things covered.

But I will be going back to see the lawyer in a couple of weeks to get my step-dgt removed as my beneficiary and executrix. No way am I going to give her the ability to inherit everything. She has 'called' me once since hubby died in Oct.'23 , a text....and it only said, "It's been 6 months since Daddy died. I miss him'. I sent a text back and all I said was "I miss him, too." She hasn't asked about Nannie, and hasn't asked me about how I'M doing, and certainly hasn't come down to see her Nannie or me. There's no love lost between us, though I AM 'friendly' enough and civil to her.I think she knows somehow that I can see through her. I guess I have been essentially written off by her until I croak. but it will be a rude surprise when she finds out she's been written out of my will. I don't plan on pulling out the rug from under her, but she will be very disappointed not to get the $$ she expected to get following his death ( Money which hubby never did have, as he 'invested in vodka. And when his dad died, he just made sure the house and property were paid off, but he actually had no money to leave either.) I may eventually move to a smaller house, but don't have a clue when or where that might be. Step-dgt once mentioned she thought should get 1/2 of the house's sales price, but that ain't happenin" This house needs a lot of work before I can get a decent price for it; if it was sold as-is, I'd come out badly. The property probably is worth more than the house. She told her dad once that she thinks I'm going to spend "all the money" and she wouldn't get any of it. She had looked it up on line several years ago and figured out the house could or would sell for over $375,000. All I can say to that is HAH! Not only was she counting her chickens before they were hatched, she ain't got NO chicken eggs!

Well, time to read a little before I go to sleep. I don't usually get on the laptop this late. Oh, and a lovely thunder/lightning/heavy rain storm is happenin' and I love to listen to that!

Toodles!

Anyway, things are better now, except I still don't have sufficient time off to have a little vacation for myself. I mean, I have been on this 'case' for 7+ years, 7/24/365 and I am fairly well burned out. The in-laws are really appreciative of the time I've put in, all while grieving.....which I don't think I have been much, because my first reaction when he died was one of real relief for not having to take increasing care of him and his alcoholism. I kind of wish I'd have had them do an autopsy, simply because I am curious about all the other things wrong with him and his internal organs . I can see, looking back, how much the hepatic encephalopothy affected his brain quite a while before it became so pronounced it was hard to ignore. But it was an epiphany when it hit home how very sick he was; and I truly believe he had increased his drinking and ignored his medicine, and was so blah-not-interested in having to go through the hard experience of detoxing. I asked him outright several times if he was TRYING to kill himself and he said no, but I told him that was exactly what he was doing. And, he did it, sure enough. I knew him well and understood his weaknesses. The fact that his mom is healthy as a horse, except for her dementia....he sid he didn't think we'd be here this long without her dwindling away. He didn't want to live that way anymore so I kind of felt I was grieving him for the two years he purposely exacerbated his conditions. So there went our dreams of getting an RV and traveling all over more than one particular place.

His best friend took a lOT of illegal drugs and got really, really drunk and ran his car at an incredible speed into a big tree in front of the sheriff's home. His doc had refused to give him any more pain meds or anything else that was strong, and that guy just couldn't face the thought of never being how he used to be when he was in his 20's, 30's, and 40's. , and not being able to get more drugs was the real 'killer', So sad.

Anyway, life goes on

londonflo · Jun 3, 2024

No Stars In My Eyes said:

, I started getting the amount of his SS check. It's only $100 more a month, but at least it's something.

You mentioned your husband's jobs Was he getting a pension from them?

No Stars In My Eyes · Jun 4, 2024

No pension, no investments, no savings, and after his vehicle died, no car; ie he had no estate.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jun 4, 2024

londonflo said:

You mentioned your husband's jobs Was he getting a pension from them?

Warning: Rant and highjack.

There's a generation of us that are the first in line that are going to have to retire without pensions. My hospital pension was taken away in my early 30's and I eventually got a $12,000 payout. Government and state jobs still have pensions but the rest of us are screwed. Even in my 20's' when I worked for an insurance company they has a stock option but no pension.

I did have the sense in my mid-30's to start contributing to the 403B/401K and stayed steady with that but I have to wonder what it would have been like to have a pension instead and be able to have that disposable income instead. With several crashes over the years things haven't gone well. I have one account that still isn't at the level it was in 2021. My current employer is contributing to a 403B that I'm in now so there is that.

nursej22, MSN, RN · Jun 4, 2024

This probably won't be popular, but I feel like the loss of unions has a lot to do with the loss of pensions. My dad was very active with his union and he always felt that the benefits had more value than wages. He worked at a blue collar job but had a comfortable retirement, and was able to me and my siblings some money. He chose to take stocks as a part of his compensation. Thanks to his advice, I put as much as I could afford into my 403(b) when I worked. I later took a job working for the local government which pays dramatically less than a hospital, but I have a nice little pension after working 7 years. My spouse gets 2 pensions from a past employers, but he worked his way up to management position.

My social security helps pay for insurance and not a lot more.

londonflo · Jun 4, 2024

No Stars In My Eyes said:

No pension, no investments, no savings, and after his vehicle died, no car; ie he had no estate.

I'am sorry. I thought you said previously he had an executive position in health care.