stupid things you've said

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my history of gaffs:

1. As house officer going to assess patient after femoral entry angiogram. want to look at her groin to make sure there is no haematoma etc. take student nurse with me as chaperone as pt is female. don't want to mention her groin as i'm newly qualified and still a bit shy so i try to be as technical as possible and so i say:

"Would you mind if I take a look at your point of entry?"

throat seizes up 13 words too slowly. Patient and student nurse in fits of laughter. I've spoken to the nurse now she's qualified and she still laughs about it and it still hurts.

2. I asked "Where'd you put that foot stool?" a few seconds befre falling over backwards and landing on the floor, patient's notes spread everywhere, the whole medical assessment unit silent and my consultant rushing over thinking I've started fitting. Kept having patient's sasking me if I was alright and my back still hurts.

3.not really a stupid thing I've said but more a stupid thing I've done. A wet lettuce of a man just about to be dumped by his girlfriend and feigns complete paralysis and widespread pain. We ALL KNOW HE'S FAKING, but he didn't flinch with the wide bore cannula so I have to do a full neurological examination including assessing anal tone. So forgetting about his paralysis i ask him to turn to the left and put his knees up to his chest. forgetting about his paralysis he does just that. As I feel his sphincter tighten against my poor, poor finger I remember about his paralysis and I hate him.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
my history of gaffs:

3.not really a stupid thing I've said but more a stupid thing I've done. A wet lettuce of a man just about to be dumped by his girlfriend and feigns complete paralysis and widespread pain. We ALL KNOW HE'S FAKING, but he didn't flinch with the wide bore cannula so I have to do a full neurological examination including assessing anal tone. So forgetting about his paralysis i ask him to turn to the left and put his knees up to his chest. forgetting about his paralysis he does just that. As I feel his sphincter tighten against my poor, poor finger I remember about his paralysis and I hate him.

My husband is a physical therapist at the hosp I work at. I got an admit a few weeks ago that was a paraphalegic, and very obese. So I call Dear Husband, you is very familiar with patient, to come help me transfer her from her wheelchair to bed. He walks in the door, assesses the situation and says "okay, now tell me again, which leg is the good leg?" :banghead:

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

At my previous workplace, a patient was threatening to call the police and the local newspaper on me for obtaining her blood glucose at 7:30 instead of 7am.

My poorly planned response: "If you don't like this place, take your things and go elsewhere! You have the right to leave!"

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab,Med/Surg, OB/GYN, Ortho, Neuro.

Working as a CNA on night shift, making rounds, getting everyone cleaned and freshened up. Before I would leave the room, I would ask if the residents wanted another pillow under their head, but I kept getting strange/horrified looks and adamant "No's". Took me until the end of that round for it to dawn on me that I was asking if they wanted a pillow over their head. :eek:

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Specializes in ED, ICU, PACU.
my history of gaffs:

"Would you mind if I take a look at your point of entry?"

That's a lot better than saying to a guy who wasted about an hour of my time back and forth because he kept changing his mind about me putting the foley in

"All you got to do is pull your pants down so I can shove it in real quick and painless" :imbar:smackingf:omy:

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Specializes in ER.
At my previous workplace, a patient was threatening to call the police and the local newspaper on me for obtaining her blood glucose at 7:30 instead of 7am.

My poorly planned response: "If you don't like this place, take your things and go elsewhere! You have the right to leave!"

LOL! What's the old saying? "When talking to supervisors or patients, if it felt good saying it...it was probably the wrong thing to say." :smokin:

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
LOL! What's the old saying? "When talking to supervisors or patients, if it felt good saying it...it was probably the wrong thing to say." :smokin:

I don't know, sometimes it feels real good to say "BTW, your being discharged today" :D

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I don't know, sometimes it feels real good to say "BTW, your being discharged today" :D

LOL, or as a coworker of mine once said "Just a minute & I'll get rid of you"

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