monkeymedic

my history of gaffs: 1. As house officer going to assess patient after femoral entry angiogram. want to look at her groin to make sure there is no haematoma etc. take student nurse with me as chaperone as pt is female. don't want to mention her groin as i'm newly qualified and still a bit shy so i try to be as technical as possible and so i say: "Would you mind if I take a look at your point of entry?" throat seizes up 13 words too slowly. Patient and student nurse in fits of laughter. I've spoken to the nurse now she's qualified and she still laughs about it and it still hurts. 2. I asked "Where'd you put that foot stool?" a few seconds befre falling over backwards and landing on the floor, patient's notes spread everywhere, the whole medical assessment unit silent and my consultant rushing over thinking I've started fitting. Kept having patient's sasking me if I was alright and my back still hurts. 3.not really a stupid thing I've said but more a stupid thing I've done. A wet lettuce of a man just about to be dumped by his girlfriend and feigns complete paralysis and widespread pain. We ALL KNOW HE'S FAKING, but he didn't flinch with the wide bore cannula so I have to do a full neurological examination including assessing anal tone. So forgetting about his paralysis i ask him to turn to the left and put his knees up to his chest. forgetting about his paralysis he does just that. As I feel his sphincter tighten against my poor, poor finger I remember about his paralysis and I hate him.

"For the love of all the girls in Hugh Hefner's playboy mansion either choose to have a barium swallow or grow a spine and have an endoscopy!" Is what i said in my head to a patient that came in to complain that "during her barium swallow they won't be sticking any tubes down [her] nose like last time". This woman was not only mentally less than stable she kept shouting even though i was but 1 foot away and had to get bloods for a lady with hyperkalaemia. In the end after profuse apologies for confusing her during her last consulation I referred her for endoscopy despite the fact that she refused this at the last consulation - despite the fact that I'd assured her that there'd be no tubes being passed down her nose "like last time" -and she opted for the barium swallow. Patients; you either love them or treat them. This week I have been mostly help a nursing colleague of mine create a Cv to leave her present job where she feels uninspired. Had to do it on the sly as her employer just happens to be my supervisor and she makes alot of income for the practice she's at. But I think my action's will win some support on this forum and attention is what I'm after! Had a dream last night where I was on call at night but i'd only been around my own ward and hadn't gone to all the others. I saw the night ANP who said she'd do the wards downstairs.. then I was playing football in the university playiong fields and I realised I didn't have my crash bleep. What the hell does this all mean. ps: why the hell am I writing al this on your forum. Guess I need somewhere to unwind without the risk of being struck off or recognised by potential employers. pps. Do you hate question-talkers; I do.

ok..think I'd better compose myself and mkae chure dere isnt ne spellin miscakes. I apologise nurses, was meant to be a funny, close to the bone post that would lead to hilarity and fun for the whole medical family. Didn't work. Let's clear some things up; 1. I like nurses. I can say that because each post I go to there is at most only 2 nurses I don't get on with which is probably the same proportion of the population who I would never get on with. 2.I think most nurses like me because; i.) in each post we do a 360 degree appraisal in which there are three tick boxes. If they tick the no concern box then the 360 is passed. tick the minor or major concern box and your screwed. You need or rather a doctor needs at least 13 of these in each post, the vast majority given to nurses, each one confidential and sent to your supervisor. ii)I went to high school with lots of the nurses I now work with..excellent, I know. iii)I'm good friends with many of the nurses I've worked with iv)I've got a mate that's black so I can't be racist..****, wrong thread (The above was a joke. please don't get angry. I've got relatives who are black; I like to call them mum and dad) 2.When I said that nurses were clever than nurses I did mean thath they were clever to avoid all the exams, stress etc that comes with b eing a medic only to realise once you've qualified that you've got an extra 10 years of that to go. 3.I really, really love my job. Can't imagine, or would want to do anything else. 4,The post was written during a busy, stressful friday afternoon when I need some annoymous, troll-erific, jesting on a random website that I never knew existed before I finish some extracurricular work off in the library. 5.Please don't hate me. peace out.

i'm a doctor from the UK. I've done hundreds of catheters but usually when a nurse can't do one. The same with cannulas and NG tubes. nurses to a great job, an a good nurse is indispensible. However don't compare yourselves to doctors because you can't understand the pressure put on us to make decisions. In the UK you can become a doctor at aged 23. when we start we are enthusiastic and everyone tells us to "be nice to the nurses 'cos they can help you or finish you". However as we get older, wiser and more battle weary we seem more arrogant and aloof.

hello nurses, I'm a doctor (keep readind, don't turn off the computer!) who's been qualified approx 2 years. In that time I've met nice doctors, stupid doctors, super inteligent doctors, weird doctors, dedicated doctors and lazy doctors. Also in that time I've met nice nurses, stupid nurses.. You see where I'm going with this? I'm sick and tired of stereotypes from both sides. However as a doctor I have to say that for most of our training, until we make consultant/GP, we are worse off than the nurses. We work much longer hours despite EWTD. We have much more responsibility and thus have more at risk. We are paid less PER-HOUR than nurses; serriously work it out. We are generally stereotyped as cold, unfeeling and patronizing. And finally there's more of you than us so its not fair. Anywho, another bugbear; who's more inteligent nurses or doctors? well doctors need at least 3 A's at A'level and then have to pass an appetitude test and then compete with ten others for one place in a medical school. Then pass 2-3 sets of exams each year, then pass the first two years before competing again to gain entry into a speciality thus doing publications, research etc, then pass exit exams... so nurses then.