Struggling new grad - tell me it gets better

[NJRNtobe]

I'm a recent new grad who accepted a position on a very busy tele/med surg floor. I am happy to have a job given the current job market in NJ, and am pleased that I'm getting that initial year in med surg as a foundation to my nursing career, but I'm struggling in a way I couldn't foresee.

I am by no means stupid, having a previous bachelor's degree in biochemistry before pursuing my BSN through an accelerated program. And I'll be the first to say my clinical time could have been more educational but the nature of an accelerated program doesn't leave much time for clinicals. Even still, I attained perfect grades in my program and feel very comfortable in the knowledge I bring to the job.

BUT...and that's a big but...I am completely stressed out and frustrated about work. My preceptor is an excellent nurse, but she expects me to know things only a seasoned nurse would know. She consistently talks to me like I'm a child, and the tone she uses with me is inappropriate. So much so that patients ask me if I'm a nurse at all. When I tell them I am, they've responded "ok...but who's the RN?" I again tell them that's me, but at that point they have lost all confidence in me because of her attitude and request to see HER for even the most basic of things. In addition, she's constantly barking orders at me, enough that I can't complete a thought of my own. If I'm in the process of giving a patient meds, she'll tell me to stop what I'm doing because that's "not a priority". I would see no problem with that if there was something urgent that needed attention, but most of the time it's because I'm not doing things in the order she would like.

Example: one of my patients was due for meds. Lasix was on his MAR. I gave the med. I later learned from the cardiologist (the hard way) that I should have held the med because his BUN and creatinine were elevated. It wasn't a huge deal, but it taught me a lesson. Check ALL labs before giving meds. So that is my plan for the day - get report, check patients, check labs, start meds. Yesterday, while I was checking labs after report, she asked me why I hadn't started my meds. I explained that I wanted to check labs before administering meds, and I received a thorough reaming about how I wasn't prioritizing my day correctly.

I feel like I'm in a no win situation with her. I had a BP med to give, and the PCA had just taken the patient's vitals and left the room. I asked her what they were. Since they were within the parameters to give the med, I gave it. I later got a "talking to" about how I was cutting corners and being lazy and I should have taken the pressure myself again. Am I wrong in thinking that's extreme? Especially when I see her use the vitals record to give out meds, even when they were taken an hour ago? When I brought this up to her, she told me I wasn't an experienced enough nurse to make those decisions. Even though she's right, I explained to her that no amount of experience would justify "cutting corners". You can imagine how much she liked that and what the rest of the day was like for me.

I'm just so frustrated with her and the way she's making the job for me. I know things will be different once I'm off orientation, but it's so bad most days I'm on the verge of tears - and I have a pretty thick skin so this is different for me.

Does anyone have advice?????

[MBARN]

I have heard a lot of horror stories from new nurses and you aren't alone.

[rn4ever?]

Sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough time. I remember when I was first orienting years ago…..one of my preceptors was so rude to me and told me that if she didn’t do that I wouldn’t learn much and I wouldn’t remember the lessons well. Now we are friends. I was thinking because she was a highly experienced RN and has been in the field for many years, plus it gets busy on the floor (I was a new grad then), she already forgot how it is to be in a new RN’s shoes. I thought of quitting at times but I held on. So when days are rough, I just say to myself that I hurdled something tougher before and that day would be a better day than that. The way I see it, things don’t really get better-----but your threshold gets higher and tougher through experience and as the day passes by. I also remember another experienced RN telling me when I was new that even if the techs get the vitals, as an RN it would be better for me to take it because I am the one responsible for giving out the meds, especially if the vital signs are not stable. And when I started to blurt out how I felt, he said that that was normal and that although he was an experienced RN, he also feels the same way whenever he moves to a new job. He told me to wait about six months to a year and I should be more comfortable-----which actually happened eventually.

[keakea]

congrats on the job, OMG how did u get a job in a hospital in this economy as a new grad?

u will be fine, the beginning in everything is most of the time stressful, pay her no mind and just learn the most you can from her and the orientation will be over soon. she reminds me of one of my clinical instructor, they can be very hard but sometimes it is for the best. And even if you feel that she is been unfair just brush it off, it will be over soon!! Good luck!!

[MBARN]

I don't think there is any excuse for unprofessionalism and rudeness new grad or not, there is no excuse for that behavior!

[student200977]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I am a new grad as well, and have gone through, and still going through the overwhelming stress. You should read some of my posts...My first few months were the toughest. At this point, I can say things have gotten better. Everyone tells me that with time I will see that things will get better. Unfortunately, everyone, including those we work with have different personalities, and it's very difficult having to learn and adapt to the real world of nursing when we don't have supportive co-workers. But hang in there, you will develop your own routine, learn how policies and procedures work at your facility, and will learn how to manage your time. You will see that eventually everything will become second nature. I'm not quite there yet, but I know things have gotten better because I haven't cried in a long time. I will keep you in my prayers.

[webmansx, ASN, RN]

hi njrntobe!

you sound just like me during my new grad "orientation" more like death match lol, not too long ago actually. the memory is still fresh in my mind; i may be in the perfect position to encourage/help/advise you. yes it does get better. in a year or so, you will look back and laugh very hard at this obviously burnt out nurse-eating-young sorry excuse for a preceptor…but this depends on what you do from this point on…

i had a preceptor just like yours. at least yours was barking orders at you; mine just disappeared for long periods of time, leaving me to the “wolves”. i too was a product of a bsn nursing school that focused so much on class work and passing the nclex that the clinical part was completely neglected. so there i was scared to death all day, struggling. when she did re-appear, it was to point out all the things i had done wrong, not done, done too early..it was a nightmare. she would not give me any constructive criticism so i could improve, but was dead set on embarrassing me in front of patients and doctors. “what kind of jungle school did you go to?” she would yell. once she yanked a f/c from me with urine flying everywhere in the middle of me trying to maintain sterility in inserting this thing, i had already got urine back, because i was too slow and messy (refereing to the iodine spill on the kit). i almost quit several times. eventually, i spoke up. i managed to switch preceptors and moved to a different floor. i did not become confident again until recently, almost 2 years later!! the damage was already done.

my advice to you is speak up!!! you are a new grad only once. that foundation is very important for the rest of your career. it will shape what kind of a nurse you will become. switch preceptors, look for another job (if you can), move to another floor, or talk to her and see if she will change. the worst thing you can do it to just take it. you will not learn anything this way.

(hugs)

get a good preceptor. things will get better.

:redbeathe

[HappydayRn]

I would try talking to her about your experience, explain how she's making you feel and what's she's doing to your ability to care for patients. If that would even work with her eek.

If you're uncomfortable doing that talk to your manager, you can always say it's just not working and you're not getting what you need out of this preceptor. Tell your manager what you need from a preceptor, if you need someone who gives you verbal support or someone who allows you to be more independent. You have to advocate for yourself and this is a really important time to do so.

I'm in my preceptorship as well and I know how scary it is when you're with someone who undermines you and won't let you think for yourself. Trust me when you have a good preceptor it brings out the best parts of you.

[chocolateskye]

I swear your situation sounds exactly like mine. I to am going thru it with my preceptor. Except my preceptor is supposed to be one of the best nurses on my unit and our nurse manager used to work on the floor so everyone has worked together on that floor for a long time now and they tend to run new hires as well as new grads away. My preceptor told me that what I do as a nurse has no reflection on her because I have my own license. So if I make a mistake or do not catch on it is not her fault???? I want to quit sooo bad but I cant find another job and I was told that I could not transfer to another floor unless I have worked there for 6months. I hope it gets better for you.

[MBARN]

That was AWESOME! I couldn't say it better myself! I don't know what it is but nurses just sit there and do nothing and never defend themselves! This is my second career so I know how things are in other professions and I can recognize unprofessionalism and incompetence when I see it, new nurse or not. Fight for yourself and remember knowledge is power! I can't tell you how many times these preceptors wanted to look good in front of doctors at the behest of new orientees! How pathetic! Hang in there and vent on this forum if you have too!

Remember, you aren't alone!

[SpecialKRN]

I understand your struggle. I just started working as a new grad 4 months ago and my orientation was horrible. My preceptor was much older I learned a lot from watching her but she never let me do anything. she would run off and do things with the patients without telling me. I like to learn hands on and I am used to working but she was babying me. I spoke to my manager more than once until she switched preceptors for me. I have looking for a new job since then and I haven't stopped. I got a much better preceptor afterwards but it can't change the way that I feel about this experience. Now that I am off of orientation things are better because I can get my own rhythm. Sadly though the damage has been done. I have questioned if I needed to find a new profession numerous times but for now I'm not going to give up on nursing until I experience another environment. So I really do understand how you feel and I'm dealing with it right along with you right now. Keep working and speak up for yourself. I hope things will get better.

Keep us updated.

[shoegalRN, RN]

WOW! I am a new grad and went through the same thing you are going through. My preceptor was someone who loves to "micromanage" and wanted to "do everything" and have me watch while she explained how to work an IV pump. I am a hands on learner and I learn by actually doing things, rather than to be "told" what to do.

On top of that, this preceptor would stand at the door while I did my assessments on pts with her arms crossed in front of her chest like she is attempting to "intimidate" me. I said nothing for 4 weeks while she talked down to me in front of other people and treated me like a 3 year old. I even heard her complaining about me to others in the breakroom because I asked too many questions.

So, I attempted to talk to her and let her know that I don't do well with micromanging. I also told her I need to try to develop my own nursing judgement and I don't need her to remind me to do certain things that are routine that I already know. She continued to do these things, despite me talking to her about it.

The final straw was when she talked to me in a condesending tone of voice in front of all my co-workers and then went in the breakroom and laughed about it. I still said nothing, although I was angry. I didnt let her see me sweat. So the next day I went to the educator and requested a change in preceptors. I told nobody my plans. The preceptor, myself and the manager all had a "come to Jesus" meeting and I voiced my concerns and told my preceptor how I really felt about the way she was treating me and that I have requested a new preceptor. I brought up all the times she would talk about me in the breakroom. I also told her how I thought her behavior was unprofessional and I didnt feel comfortable being trained by someone who found it ok to down others behind their backs.

And you know what happened? She sat there and cried. She didnt even try to defend herself or her actions because I'm quite sure she knew she was wrong. Besides, I don't think nobody has ever pulled her to the carpet on her behavior.

I still see her from time to time and I walk right past her like she's glass. Nobody in her "clique" says nothing to me either, which is fine with me. I don't have to work with them, so they are not important.

To the OP, I say have a meeting with her and the manager. Request a new preceptor. I feel there is a way to talk to people and also teach them at the same time without making them feel like an idiot.