I understand how you feel. I've been on the floor as a new grad for 4 months now, and already thinking about quitting. The only thing holding me back is a one year contract, if broken, I have to pay the hospital $8000. I am also thinking about not quitting for other reasons, that I will disappoint my family, and I'll feel like a failure. It's not like me to not finish something that I have started. But for the first time in my life I feel like this is one obstacle I can't overcome. I've been coming home crying and praying. I feel so fortunate to have landed this job in this economic downturn, that I might regret quitting. When I first started it was such a reality shock into the real world of nursing that I questioned my ability to be a nurse. I work on a very busy med-surg floor, and Im always exhausted, and have been feeling very depressed. Depressed because I didn't give the best of care, I have no life anymore, but I guess that's why us night nurses get that differential. I'm also depressed because this is not how I thought nursing would be (an entire shift filled with tasks, charting, and dealing with mad pt's, families, doctors, and administration). I'll tell you what I have gotten good at...holding my freaking bladder for 6-8 hours. I'm trying so hard to stick with this job, just counting down the months till I can finally scream and say "I QUIT" but until then I'm taking everyone's word for it, that I will get used to everything, to have patience, and give it more time. But this is too much on my body, and my mind, that I don't know if waiting for that one year mark is worth all this anguish. I dread going to work every single day, I hate it. Everyday when I get home, I go online looking for other jobs that might suit me better. Then I question if I ever did get offered another position if I would leave this job. I really enjoyed this job in the beginning because I started with 1-2 patients, I knew exactly what was going on with them as far as their health history, and what tests they were going for and why, but now, with 5 patients I don't know their diagnosis sometimes, their history, what tests they've had, why their taking this medication, I can't do a thorough assessment, and what the hell I'm doing sometimes. I'm to the point where I am scared for my license. I'm currently confused...but I do know that bedside is not for me. Damn contract!!!! But you know what, since the first day I started I have gained alot of skills, and I have learned a lot in 4 months. People say it's suppose to get easier with time...but I still find it very risky. Just my opinion.
