Starting school and need to stay focused

Published

Ok, so this is my first post. Here it goes. I am 46 years old and going back to school. I have wanted to be a nurse since I was little, but life always seemed to get in the way. Now I have commited to doing what I have always desired. So here is the situation. My daughter is 21 and still lives at home. She is not motivated and counts on me for everything. There always seems to be some kind of drama going on. I am so afraid that I will not be able to focus on school because I worry about her all the time and wish she would get her life together. I have given her the best life and all the resources to succeed, and now I feel it is my turn to work on me. :confused: She drains me and her dad emotionaly and I don't know what to do. I love her so much and wish she would get her life together. I pay for her phone and her car insurance and give her gas money. She can't seem to find a job and she keeps changing from one college to another. I know times are hard and jobs are not easy to come by, but she stays out all night and then sleeps most of the day. I will have to quit my job soon for school and it will just be my husbands income supporting us. And oh by the way, I also have a 6 year old son. Yes he was a surprise, but a good one. He is part of the reason I want to go back to school. He was born at 26 weeks gestation and was in the NICU for four months before we could bring him home. We have been through a lot and he is our little miracle :heartbeat. I start Barry University October 21 and being in my forties going back to school is going to be a challenge already and I just don't want to be distracted by her issues. I just want to have peace in our home. Thanks for listening.

Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

Time for some 'tough love' my friend. Cut those purse strings & keep her out of your wallets. Let her know exactly what you expect & then stick to it.

I agree with PPs - We managed to 'launch' 2 daughters who now have also completed graduate degrees and are well on their way to successful careers. They have both paid all their own college tuition (undergrad & graduate school) with grants & loans while we provided car insurance & living expenses as long as they were actively enrolled in college.

Just your luck that you're raising an entitled 'rich kid'... LOL - maybe she was switched at birth and there's a hard-working young lady out there in a wealthy family who is your real child. But it is time that she realizes she is not the "lost Hilton". Give her a deadline - when you will cease paying cell phone, gas, car insurance, etc. Expect some tantrums & "I'm moving out". Don't feel guilty, you've done way more than most of us would have.

Best of luck on your nursing education! With any luck, you'll soon have an extra room to use as your study.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thanks HouTx! You said it! By no means is she a lost Hilton!! lol lol I am very excited to start my new venture in life. Can't wait for my study room! Thanks!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg/DOU/Ortho/Onc/Rehab/ER/.

You have seem to spoil her so what did u expect?

You may not like it but you will have to show some tough love if you want her to do stuff on her own.

She is an adult. Show her how to be one.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with a lot of what is being said on here.

I just turned 22, I am married with two children. I am 100% on my own. My mom showed me tough love, not because I depended on her, but because it always seemed as though she had better things to do then give me money for school supplies or clothes. I wasn't aloud to have a cell phone until I had a job and could pay for it by myself. I couldn't have a car until I saved up enough money to buy one and had a job to pay for the gas, maintenence, and car insurance. I have been on my own, to fend for myself, since 16 years old. It's time your daughter get her act together, she can do it - she doesn't even have kids to support. Life is BEYOND simple for her at this point.

On the other hand, for some reason, my sister has always been the one who has gotten everything from my mom. And, guess what, at age 24, she is living with her STILL and now has a kid of her own that lives there too. My mom pays for everything. My sister works a few hours on the weekends as a waitress and spends her tip money on clothes, eating out, and other stupid wasteful things. But, the reason my sister is still living there and milking off her is because SHE HAS NEVER HAD TO GO OUT AND FEND FOR HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't pay for your daughter's cell phone, car insurance, or any of that crap. If she wants it, she can pay for it herself. Don't let her walk all over you. She will turn out like my sister - 24 (almost 25), still living at home with a kid that my mom now takes care of all the time. If your daughter came home pregnant, you would end up watching it and definitly would never have time to study for nursing school.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!! You did your time - 18 years - now it's YOU time!!!!!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion