Some days I just can't take it.....

[AtlantaRN, RN]

Please forgive me if this sounds petty, but some days I just can't take it!

I love my patients and have compassion for each situation, but some days I just have trouble dealing with the family members....

for instance: I have a patient that is in her early 90's adult failure to thrive, being "cared for" by her daughter. it seems that each visit to the patients home is really not about the patients condition, but the "poor condition" of the daughter and how she is such a martyr and "i just don't know how much more of this i can take." The worst part of it is she wants to go on and on like this in FRONT of the patient. daughter put mother in an assisted living facility but this lasted only a couple of days because daughter didn't want to pay the extra to have someone assist her with the meals (daughter brought her home because she said that the patient wouldn't talk to her, or eat for her.....daughter described it as "punishing her" for putting her in a facility)... Today the daughter went on for 45 minutes about the hydrocolloid dressing and how it sticks to the mothers gown and how she soaked a gown for "a week" and still can't get the goo out of it.

From what I gather, daughter didn't have a problem with patient until patient was unable to do for herself. I know her venting is normal, and I want to be compassionate, but today was a cascade of situations (including changing to another billing company for hospice medications that includes families picking up medication at non-compounding pharmacies.....your average pharmacy doesn't carry roxinol, abh suppositories, etc....you know, the STUFF that gets prescribed for hospice patients--today each refill took at least 2 phonecalls and a fax to resolve), and this one just pushed me over the edge.

Thank you for listening. If I let it out here, I won't let it out inappropriately.

Linda

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Does the daughter have any support in place?

[AtlantaRN, RN]

husband that is retired, son that lives close by, i've met both of them. they seem supportive. husband checks on patient during the night so daughter can get sleep. she is active in her church, she put up the christmas display in the towns' city hall the other day, she is active in the community.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Someone needs to spell her during more than the night. I can imagine how she gets on your nerves, but it sounds like she really needs to get out and that a respite worker has to come in here and there to watch her mom.

Then again, some people just love to suffer. And proclaim it.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

Is there a social worker attached to your agency that could give her some support? Or a chaplain?

[AtlantaRN, RN]

The family member is doing better. There is a night sitter that stays with the mother so daughter can get some sleep. After much counseling, she has opened up to the strained relationship they have had over the years. Patient and daughter seem to be doing better.

linda

[Sterling-RN]

This is a telling situation of how much support hospice nurses themselves need. Providing support for patients and their families is an important part of hospice care as I see it, but I think many hospice nurses are left behind when it comes to their own support.

Hospice nurses provide comfort, support and care, but hospice nurses themselves are in need of such things. If you consider how much of an emotional, spiritual and thus, physical tax it has on providers, it makes sense that a nurse would feel like they are at their wits ends from time to time. Some people handle it differently than others. Some reach a breaking point while others have more effective outlets.

[emmasmommy836]

Hey I too have days that are better than others. Sometimes I have things going on in my life and I just don't know how much more from my patient's or families that I can take. Sometimes I ask God why he opened the door for me and this job and than about an hour later when I am calling my next patient to let them know I am on my way I may get a mother of my patient telling me how much she appreciates me and that I am a blessing to them. then I feel like a heel. God has ways of reminding me that it is not always about me and how much I can take that day... Good luck!!!

[texastaz]

Thoose kind of days are YUCKY. I also can't count the number of times I have been just dumb founded with some behavior of the family members. I figure they all have known eachother for a long time and they are well aware of eachother's behavoirs and prespectives - so for the most part I blow it off. - When aggitated I settle for venting/telling another nurse that is on the same case when possible. Just telling always makes me beel better. Then if I still feel real burned out - I request other types of cases for a break before returning to home hospic which is my preference.

[AtlantaRN, RN]

The dear elderly lady passed away last week. I was the nurse on call when she slipped away peacefully. I was not available to go to the wake or funeral, but did speak with daughter last week. She verbalized that she was thankful that her mother was "in a better place." thanked me for the support. dear daughter did verbalize frustration that mother was "painted like a jezebel" by funeral home and flowers were wrong color and some other concerns, but all in all it was worked out before her viewing, so daughter was satisfied.

Most days I am able to vent/verbalize frustrations with another nurse who knows the case. but on the day of my original posting, said nurse friend was also at her wits end and I don't think either one of us had any fuel left in our emotional tanks to share.

Thank goodness for this forum! Some of the bad days I just need someone else to say "yes, I hear what you are saying" so I don't feel crazy. It is akin to the comfort we give our families and patients...if we can at least know that someone else has gone through this, and that it is if not "normal" at least not "psychotic" to feel what we are feeling, somehow the burden is lighter.

Thank you all again for supporting a fellow nurse. Sometimes we just have to let it out someplace that is safe.

linda

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Then again, some people just love to suffer. And proclaim it.

That's too funny but true-this woman sounds like she stars in the "Me" show--all "Me"" all the time.....

Some days you just have to :beer: or whatever you like.....