What would you all do about a co-worker with an odor problem?
This gal LOOKS clean but she smells BAD. The beginning of the shift is fine, the middle of the shift and things get bad. I see her sneak off to the bathroom with BO Juice in hand but she still smells bad.
It isn't always body odor. Sometimes it is but it is something different. I feel weird about explaining exactly what it is, but it is usually a very strong, different odor. Please understand, this is not once every now and again, this is daily. It's a rare day that there is no odor.
To my knowledge we have never had a patient complaint, but I don't know why. She is a sweet nurse, very good at what she does, very skilled at her profession, but she stinks!
I really don't think it is a lack of showering, she comes to work and smells fine. Within a few hours it is bad.
Suggestions on how to tell her? I don't want to hurt her feelings but geez...
Thanks, Simba. We'll see what the nurse in question has to say about my compassion.
Well, I'll be perfectly honest, and this is coming from somebody who's ex BF told her she had breath issues (he told me in a very caring, loving way): Yes, her feelings will be hurt initially, simply because it hurts hearing such things about yourself. However, because you plan on approaching it in a way that expresses concern for her well-being, she will ultimately appreciate your concern. Who knows? Maybe she's so embarrassed, baffled, and even scared about what's going on with her body that she doesn't really know how to move forward with getting to the bottom of it. It could be that your support is what she needs to be able to do that. :)
Well, I'll be perfectly honest, and this is coming from somebody who's ex BF told her she had breath issues (he told me in a very caring, loving way): Yes, her feelings will be hurt initially, simply because it hurts hearing such things about yourself. However, because you plan on approaching it in a way that expresses concern for her well-being, she will ultimately appreciate your concern. Who knows? Maybe she's so embarrassed, baffled, and even scared about what's going on with her body that she doesn't really know how to move forward with getting to the bottom of it. It could be that your support is what she needs to be able to do that. :)
I'm glad you're going to tell her before some insensitive jerk comes along and blows her away.
Really, she has two problems. The obvious one is the embarrassing odor. The other, which is probably equally distressing, is the terrible sense of isolation the odor has no doubt created in her life. Who knows when someone last invited her to lunch. BTW, be prepared for her to turn you down. She may not have the confidence at this point to venture out unnecessarily. Then you might suggest bringing lunch to her house.
Someone suggested you tell her at the beginning of a shift. I don't think that's a good idea. Hearing what you have to say might leave her shaken and unable to concentrate. Then, too, she'll feel even greater pressure when she starts to get funky half-way through the shift.
I think the fact that you are direct in your speech is more of an asset than a liability in this case. The last thing she needs is someone hemming and hawing and beating around the bush.
Whenever you have the opportunity, you might start by sharing with her a time when you were told something embarrassing but necessary. Or, if this has never happened, make it a hypothetical and say that if you ever really needed to know there was a problem situation, you hope there would be someone in your life who would care enough to overcome their own reluctance and put your needs first. Tell her you wouldn't hurt her for the world, but there is something you need to talk with her about.
This preamble does two things. It gives her time to process that she's about to hear something difficult and brace herself. It also indirectly states that YOU are someone who cares enough about HER to put her needs first. I guess it does a third thing as well. It lays the groundwork for a respectful approach and offers at least a small amount of reassurance that you intend to tread carefully.
The next thing you do is go for objective data. Tell her you've noticed that she goes into the bathroom mid-shift and that you've seen her with deodorant and FDS. Then mention what you've told us--that you can see she's a clean person and that she cares about her appearance. Say that you've noticed an odd odor around her later in the shift and tell her you wonder if she might be struggling with a problem you used to have. (Hopefully, this will eliminate any suggestion that you're looking down your nose at her.) You can tell her about the BV and the often incorrect approach suggested by docs and web sites and ask if she might be struggling with this.
Be prepared for a wide range of reactions. She could get angry and defensive and end the visit. She could break down in relief that someone cares enough to connect. She could be desperate for information and be willing to try anything you suggest. Or a million other choices.
If she's at all receptive, ask her what kinds of things she has already tried. That should cue you in on whether she's gone in for actual medical treatment. I suppose we shouldn't assume that a nurse would cover all the proper medical bases. I know I sometimes don't.
Once you know what she's attempted, you can start laying out some possibilities. You had some plausible ideas on what might be behind the mystery odor, and there were plenty of additional causes suggested here. My guess is that two well-educated nurses should be able to put their heads together and brainstorm some solutions. The alkaline douche is certainly an easy enough avenue to explore.
If the easy options don't work, let her know you'll be happy to help her sort through the other ideas and offer moral support while she's investigating.
The most important thing, though, is to make the human connection with someone who has probably felt terribly alone. Most of us yak with co-workers about the ongoing sagas in our lives. She hasn't had the freedom to confide, ask advice, or even vent. Or to hear the input and encouragement of those who care about her. You might be the first person to reach out to her in a long time. And that might mean as much to her as a cure.
Even if she has an ungracious response, tell her you will be available any time she changes her mind and maybe give her your phone number (already written out). It might take some time for her to overcome the shame that this kind of predicament often causes. But your show of concern could well plant a seed for when she is ready.
Whatever her reaction, I admire you for caring enough to get involved. Heaven knows, this is one of those times when it would be easier to gossip and criticize behind her back. Instead, you are willing to stick your neck out and try to be an ally.
One last thing. If you are a praying person, ask God to give you the good kind of boldness, the best approach to reach her, and the right words for her to take in. Then the outcome is in his hands.
The rightness of your actions is NOT determined by her response. You're doing what needs to be done. You could be perfect in your delivery and she could still reject your offer. That's her prerogative. On the more optimistic side, you could make a huge difference for this poor woman. And you might end up with a friend for life.
i'm glad you're going to tell her before some insensitive jerk comes along and blows her away.
really, she has two problems. the obvious one is the embarrassing odor. the other, which is probably equally distressing, is the terrible sense of isolation the odor has no doubt created in her life. who knows when someone last invited her to lunch. btw, be prepared for her to turn you down. she may not have the confidence at this point to venture out unnecessarily. then you might suggest bringing lunch to her house.
someone suggested you tell her at the beginning of a shift. i don't think that's a good idea. hearing what you have to say might leave her shaken and unable to concentrate. then, too, she'll feel even greater pressure when she starts to get funky half-way through the shift.
i think the fact that you are direct in your speech is more of an asset than a liability in this case. the last thing she needs is someone hemming and hawing and beating around the bush.
whenever you have the opportunity, you might start by sharing with her a time when you were told something embarrassing but necessary. or, if this has never happened, make it a hypothetical and say that if you ever really needed to know there was a problem situation, you hope there would be someone in your life who would care enough to overcome their own reluctance and put your needs first. tell her you wouldn't hurt her for the world, but there is something you need to talk with her about.
this preamble does two things. it gives her time to process that she's about to hear something difficult and brace herself. it also indirectly states that you are someone who cares enough about her to put her needs first. i guess it does a third thing as well. it lays the groundwork for a respectful approach and offers at least a small amount of reassurance that you intend to tread carefully.
the next thing you do is go for objective data. tell her you've noticed that she goes into the bathroom mid-shift and that you've seen her with deodorant and fds. then mention what you've told us--that you can see she's a clean person and that she cares about her appearance. say that you've noticed an odd odor around her later in the shift and tell her you wonder if she might be struggling with a problem you used to have. (hopefully, this will eliminate any suggestion that you're looking down your nose at her.) you can tell her about the bv and the often incorrect approach suggested by docs and web sites and ask if she might be struggling with this.
be prepared for a wide range of reactions. she could get angry and defensive and end the visit. she could break down in relief that someone cares enough to connect. she could be desperate for information and be willing to try anything you suggest. or a million other choices.
if she's at all receptive, ask her what kinds of things she has already tried. that should cue you in on whether she's gone in for actual medical treatment. i suppose we shouldn't assume that a nurse would cover all the proper medical bases. i know i sometimes don't.
once you know what she's attempted, you can start laying out some possibilities. you had some plausible ideas on what might be behind the mystery odor, and there were plenty of additional causes suggested here. my guess is that two well-educated nurses should be able to put their heads together and brainstorm some solutions. the alkaline douche is certainly an easy enough avenue to explore.
if the easy options don't work, let her know you'll be happy to help her sort through the other ideas and offer moral support while she's investigating.
the most important thing, though, is to make the human connection with someone who has probably felt terribly alone. most of us yak with co-workers about the ongoing sagas in our lives. she hasn't had the freedom to confide, ask advice, or even vent. or to hear the input and encouragement of those who care about her. you might be the first person to reach out to her in a long time. and that might mean as much to her as a cure.
even if she has an ungracious response, tell her you will be available any time she changes her mind and maybe give her your phone number (already written out). it might take some time for her to overcome the shame that this kind of predicament often causes. but your show of concern could well plant a seed for when she is ready.
whatever her reaction, i admire you for caring enough to get involved. heaven knows, this is one of those times when it would be easier to gossip and criticize behind her back. instead, you are willing to stick your neck out and try to be an ally.
one last thing. if you are a praying person, ask god to give you the good kind of boldness, the best approach to reach her, and the right words for her to take in. then the outcome is in his hands.
the rightness of your actions is not determined by her response. you're doing what needs to be done. you could be perfect in your delivery and she could still reject your offer. that's her prerogative. on the more optimistic side, you could make a huge difference for this poor woman. and you might end up with a friend for life.
i wish you both the very best!
beautiful, touching, and eloquent post. this brought tears to my eyes.
you have conveyed everything here which i feel and have been wanting to say about this issue, but lacked the words to do so.
Fish-odor syndrome or trimethylaminuria is an autosomal recessive disorder. Check out www.genome.gov/11508983
Hope this helps.
This seems to fit the OP's description to a tee. I'm glad the site listed the social and emotional effects along with the medical information.
Sooo, anyone know what foods contain choline and trimethylamine-oxide (the foods this nurse should avoid)? I don't have time to Google the info right now.
This seems to fit the OP's description to a tee. I'm glad the site listed the social and emotional effects along with the medical information.
Sooo, anyone know what foods contain choline and trimethylamine-oxide (the foods this nurse should avoid)? I don't have time to Google the info right now.
Great web site.
Choline can be found in eggs, liver, legumes (such as soy beans), and some grains (such as whole grain wheat). Trimethylamine-oxide is found in some marine fish (such as tuna). When proteins are digested by bacteria living in the intestines, trimethylamine is produced.
Beautiful, touching, and eloquent post. This brought tears to my eyes.
You have conveyed everything here which I feel and have been wanting to say about this issue, but lacked the words to do so.
THANK YOU.
Thank you, Jnette. I felt so sad when I read Bipley's description of this nurse's dilemma. The only thing worse than having this disorder would be enduring it alone.
No. Okay, here is the truth. She smells like dead rotting fish. There, I wrote it. Sometimes it is BO but usually it is dead rotting fish and it is beyond gross. But she is amazingly sweet and kind. Her personality in many ways makes up for the odor, but the odor is still really bad.
Sounds like possibly a STD such as Trichimonisis.Is this a possibility?
Simba&NalasMom, LPN
633 Posts
Well, I'll be perfectly honest, and this is coming from somebody who's ex BF told her she had breath issues (he told me in a very caring, loving way): Yes, her feelings will be hurt initially, simply because it hurts hearing such things about yourself. However, because you plan on approaching it in a way that expresses concern for her well-being, she will ultimately appreciate your concern. Who knows? Maybe she's so embarrassed, baffled, and even scared about what's going on with her body that she doesn't really know how to move forward with getting to the bottom of it. It could be that your support is what she needs to be able to do that. :)