I can't do it all (mom rant)

Nurses General Nursing

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I try to wear many hats as a nurse, as an income provider for my family, and as a mom. I cannot get my son to understand that school is important, I can't get my husband to understand that homework is important, and I can't stop working overtimes in order to catch up our finances.

I am exhausted, mentally and physically, from work, my child's homework, and my husband's inability to assist in these matters. My son has homework that I can't easily help him with and he's only in 5th grade. I literally look at the assignments and have to google what some of this math and English homework is. I have a degree in English!!! He takes Latin in school. I dropped Latin in college because it was too difficult and I can't even with his homework.

He doesn't want to do better, he hates school, and I'm working so much to keep him in the private school he attends. My mother always said you can send a smart kid anywhere. Unfortunately he does not have a natural grasp on learning, and I'm sending him to the private school so he gets the individual instruction that he needs. I don't know how to make him a better student, and I don't know how to accept his poor grades.

I yelled at him all the way to school today, but it was not constructive and did nothing to make him want to do better. I'm deleting fortnite from the xbox, which he only gets to play on the weekends. I don't know if this will hurt or help.

I'm a good nurse. I catch things before they become an issue, I ensure that my patients are safe. I feel like a crappy mom. I am at my wits end with my child, and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Specializes in Neuroscience.

Thanks for the kind words, and for those expressing their honest opinion. I appreciate everything posted.

Those that tell me I'm not alone/they could have written this post/their child was just like this....Thank you so much. It helps to know it's not just my child.

Those offering advice through PM's, you're the best. I'm taking you up on this!

About the husband: I don't want it to seem like he's not pulling his weight. When I was a stay at home mom, he worked nights and 2-3 overtimes every single week. He picked up slack when I was in Nursing school, he made sure I had time to study. When I became a nurse I took over the night shift, he moved to days, and I was able to return the favor. As far as study habits go.... My husband will ask if my son understands something. My son says "yes". My husband says "great" and moves on to the next lesson. Different upbringing on homework. I spent hours at my kitchen table dealing with math. My husband had no one to guide him as a child. Seriously, it's not that he's lazy, he just doesn't "get it", but has improved in the last year.

I send my son outside to collect eggs from his chickens, 45 minutes later he's climbing a tree and those eggs have not been collected. Chickens do not fly, last time I checked, nor do they lay eggs in trees. He just gets distracted. However, that's not up to me to decide if he has ADD. I can only take him in to have him evaluated.

We do have a routine when he comes home. He plays outside for an hour, I fix dinner (Or my husband does if it's my work night). We eat, my son clears the table, then we start on homework afterwards. He takes a shower by 8pm. He's in bed by 9 pm.

He told me the other day that when he's in class, he has "tons of thoughts flying through (his) head" during school. He could just be shutting down for Science, but he can't shut down for every subject that's not math, and math he just naturally "gets". Or maybe he can. I don't know.

I'll post back with an update later. Thanks for the kind words, the ideas, and the honest opinions. I appreciate every single one.

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Specializes in Neuroscience.

oh, and for those wondering, he's an only child. We tried for more, but after the 6th miscarriage, I was done.

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Wow, sounds like you are describing my son a year ago. It was clear to me that he had ADHD, but it never affected him as much as it did in 3rd grade. His ADHD was severe in 3rd grade. He would stop doing his work. He would just write anything on the paper to turn it in, then put his head down or draw while at school. The teachers thought that he didn't understand the work, but I knew he did because he would do the work at home if I sat next to him and forced him to do it. However, he would fix the computers in his class room when they were broken and he was very advanced for his age. I had to spend 5 hours a day to help him with his homework so that he would not fail. I thought about putting him in private school, but he completely had no motivation at all. I thought I would never put him on medication. I put him on herbs that helped some and took him to a psychologist that also suffers from ADHD and that was a big blessing because after talking to him and doing lots of research about ADHD meds such as concerta I realize how crucial it was for him to be put on meds. I was afraid that he would be way behind in school this year, but he is actually doing very well and has even gotten a few A's; he's even much happier and says the medication really helps him to focus on doing his work. Also kids should have a limit of 2 hours of electronics per day; especially a kid with ADHD and should't have the electronics in their room. My son used to sneak on the electronic at night because he was addicted to fortnite, which would make his ADHD way worse.

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Honey, don't be like me and wait for something devastating happen to take a good look at your priorities. I was just like you until my 10 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer. In the blink of an eye, it suddenly became clear what was important and what was not. Having straight A's and her having the best of everything material-wise were no longer important and spending quality time with her and teaching her life lessons that are not in any textbook were. I pulled her out of school, went part time and now homeschool her and she has never been happier. We do schoolwork, do field trips and I play video games with her (well I mostly lose). But that time spent with her is going to make her a better adult, not Latin.

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