I've been recently admitted to nursing school. I am only 19 years old, but I have spent the last two years strenuously completing prerequisites and planning my nursing career.
I work in a hospital, and for months I have observed the work of nurses and that of physicians. I have slowly come to realize in the past few months that nursing is not where I am meant to be. Please don't misunderstand me, I have absolute respect and admiration for nurses. I have simply realized that my passion lies within the medical model and not in the nursing model. When I picture myself as a nurse, I feel discontent. I feel as if I will have settled for something maybe more practical in the moment, but not for something that is in my heart.
One side of me thinks, you're nuts. You have already been accepted to nursing school. You have the finances to cover the program and come out with little debt. You've got a path completely mapped out. You have the support of your family, friends, and superiors at work. You have a guaranteed job out of school at a beautiful new hospital. You have so much going for your already. Why throw all of that way?
But the other side of me thinks, good for you. For once you aren't settling for something you don't want. For once you aren't letting the opinions of others influence what you know is right for you. You no longer have to long for the career of the physician walking down the hall; that will be you. You no longer have to convince yourself that you can live your life in a career that you don't want. You're living your full potential. You're exceeding your expectations.
I thought to myself a couple of weeks ago... if you could have one thing in your one life, what would it be? My answer came immediately. To be a doctor. I wondered to myself... if there is one thing that I want more than anything in life, why wouldn't go out and get it?
I have considered the route of nurse practitioner. In fact that was my original long term plan. But I would be going into that career for the wrong reason. I would be getting a degree as a nurse and a NP just so that I can be closer to working the career of a doctor. That doesn't make much sense to me. If I want to be a doctor, I should be a doctor.
So after two years of nursing prerequisite work, a stressful application process, and an admittance to nursing school, I am about to drop all of that. I am planning a transfer to the University of Washington, looking into starting a Microbiology major, and working towards applying to medical school in a few years. I am not elligible for financial aid and cannot get any support from my family. Due to being a middle class white I have never been able to get any scholarships despite high achievements and volume of scholarship applications. So I will end up in some serious debt. Especially if I cannot get into my one in state medical school and have to go out of state.
My new supervisors are so impressed by my prior enthusiasm for nursing school, and being a nurses themselves, have promised to help me balance work and school. I do not feel they will give me the same approval if I tell them I dropped nursing school to pursue medicine.
My poor grandparents and extended family have been rooting for me all along to become a nurse... what will they think? My parents say they will support me... why don't I feel that support? Half of my friends have flat out told me I'm being young and stupid.
It sounds crazy. Working so hard to get into nursing school, getting accepted, then dropping it. All to start over on some wild and difficult new adventure.
But I've never felt so right about anything else in my life...
I'm so scared. I guess I am just looking for opinions. Thanks for listening everyone.
I guess I am just looking for opinions. Thanks for listening everyone.