I was a great nurse. With more than 2 decades under my belt, almost all in hospice. The rest ICU, ER and oncology.. I never had heard of this. It affected me over several years, I went from being the best nurse there, to someone trying to make it through a day, paralyzed by anxiety. Avoiding TV and movies because they might contain my triggers. cancer, suffering. I went from a great dad to one my early teenagers avoid. New management wanted me out and I overheard it. The pressure doubled. I had severe 2 am panic attacks nightly, I stated to keep a bottle of schnapps near my bed. I had not had a drink in 25 years and schnapps was the only one, I could tolerate. I had a panic attack a couple hours later than normal. I tried to google a calculator to see how much was too much and be present at work.. This calculators was for DUI prevention, 0.08 was the goal. . I was taken to do a breathylizer. I asked for a union rep. Told I had 30 minutes. I had never been in trouble. I did not know how and they would not help, I begged them to tell me a way or be allowed to get help from another nurse. They were silent.
At 30 minutes They said do it now or your terminated. I blew a 0.03 . Placed on administrative leave and sent home. I was already barely holding on , i became lethargic. The shrink covering my shrinks Vacation figured it out In seconds after years. He put me on disability to get my head to a place where I could at least communicate effectively and advocate for myself. I started getting the right help. Disability was 6 weeks long with a note to continue for another 6 months if they're unable to accommodate me and moved me to an department away from cancer death and suffering. 6 weeks later I got a call asked me to come in to discuss my accommodation, no union rep needed. We had all recieved a memo that there would be no Union reps available for 4 days. This was in the middle. I asked to reschedule, called the Union,l they said there was nothing I could do. They also had my check and I was broke. When I arrived it was a set up. I was offered 2 choices resign or be terminated. It was insinuated that if I resigned, the board would not find out and I could go get another job. They had already notified the board weeks earlier. I had to resign and the Union would do nothing afterwards. At the board the diversion was impossible for me after a couple months with a bed bound wife and special needs kids I had to take too much time to take them medical appoinmentsI. I was tricked out of the program and the Attorney General tried to help me, but could not because our board is punitive in California. We lost everything.
Recently someone called a lawyer for me and he said that we have to complete the grievance process and he thinks he can help me because my Weingarten rights were broken and because of my disability was caused by work and it was a complete change in my behavior. The Union will do nothing ignores my requests. I'm just now getting to the point that I can effectively communicate after 18 months. Please tell everybody about this if I had known and not thought I was broken or falling apart. Even my family was telling me to suck it up, I did. I really did as long as I could. Tell everyone I have sent everyone messages that I know
OP, I hope you can take this for what it’s worth. You need some help. Your posts make very little sense. I’m sorry this has all happened to you, but I think there is more than PTSD going on. From what you are describing, it sounds like more is going on with your mental health.
You absolutely cannot self medicate with alcohol. You trying to self calculate what is a safe amount, is very telling. You showing up to work unwell enough to be noticed is also very telling.
I’m sorry you have lost what you have worked so hard for. Mental illness does not discriminate.
Take care of yourself first. Get your mental health under control. Worry about the rest later. Your thought are all over the place and you are not very coherent on here. Even if it some of it was autocorrect, that’s not all of it. It’s truly your whole thought process.
I wanted to give a small update. I was posting at the same time I was being questioned for 8 hours a day by lawyers about this. I would come home shaking and not only be unable to type correctly, useful thinking was impaired. This included my ability to even state the above. It was during these dark days that a small escape was warning other Nurses. It felt like helpless hell devoid of any hope.
I will probably win, but I left out a small, but major detail. I have a disability, they would harass me multiple times a day. This was helped by a timely filing against the same people by another employee with more than sufficient evidence. She was prepared and I hope am hoping they will be removed. I lost my house, and should not have the harassment , anxiety and other symptoms of PTSD, over whelmed me into not filing for disability. I could not pay my mortgage, between my short term and long term, I could have stayed easily for another 5 years. I blocked it out, but that came out. That would have given me health insurance, because of no money, We went without for almost 2 years and had to find cash for my appointments and did not go often. I think both the harassment and the PTSD contributed. At 20 months I have had insurance again for a couple days. If I win, I might be able to buy a small home. I will not be coming back, but I hope there are some insights
LovingLife123
1,592 Posts
OP, I hope you can take this for what it’s worth. You need some help. Your posts make very little sense. I’m sorry this has all happened to you, but I think there is more than PTSD going on. From what you are describing, it sounds like more is going on with your mental health.
You absolutely cannot self medicate with alcohol. You trying to self calculate what is a safe amount, is very telling. You showing up to work unwell enough to be noticed is also very telling.
I’m sorry you have lost what you have worked so hard for. Mental illness does not discriminate.
Take care of yourself first. Get your mental health under control. Worry about the rest later. Your thought are all over the place and you are not very coherent on here. Even if it some of it was autocorrect, that’s not all of it. It’s truly your whole thought process.
Good Luck to you.