RN husband addicted to opiates

[joker2]

Although I am not the RN in the family, my husband is, I am very concerned about him and thought maybe one of you can give me some advice. He just graduated a year and a half ago and over this time period, has developed a problem with opiates. He started out with a valid prescription for vicodin and muscle relaxersand I am now finding hypodermic needles hidden in various parts of the house. His behavior is frustrating and we have two children. I believe this stuff is coming from the hospital and he has been suspended twice for mishandling patient medications. Actually, I know that is where it is coming from, because of the codes on the things I have found. He denies he has a problem and refuses to get help. His drug tests come back as positive for opiates, but he has that prescripton to fall back on. Do I report an anonymous problem to HR or let the chips fall where they may? And how can he possibly be getting away with it? I am very worried about him, as is our children and his parents. We don't want him to go to far someday. Please advise, as you are the ones who would know how to best handle this situation. Thank you.

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

Wow, it is so strange to read words like that of southernbeegirl. It all sounds so familiar- it was me too. I was addicted with my now ex-husband and together we burned up stuff all over multiple houses/apts. I have often marveled that we didn't wake up in a huge firey blaze, and I am so grateful for my son and myself that we didn't. I mean carpets, chairs, pillows, sheets- everything. Because I was hooked with my spouse it took my dad taking my son away and losing my job to wake me up. Before that I just felt sorry for myself. Good luck joker, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but I have been in your hubby's and everytime I read stories like these it reminds me why I fought the good fight.

before i got into recovery, i thought noone could know the things i was doing...but being able to share it with people that have been there too, it helps me too.

[jackstem]

God saved me joker. It was all God. looking back on it now, i can see how he put me everywhere i had been to get me to that bathroom the afternoon of April 23. 2004.

He used people, that i call my angels, to do my intervention.

i was sitting on that toilet, trying to pee and freaking out because i knew this was it. somehow i knew in my gut this was my last chance. i dont know how i knew it but i did. i knew that i was making a choice to literally live or die in that second. the very instant my mind realized that, God started literally yelling in my head "tellhertellhertellhertellhertellher" until i wanted to scream at Him to shut up! He yelled at me over and over until I could take it no more. at that instant, she turned to me and said "do you want to tell me something wendy?" and i almost screamed "im a drug addict!!"

it was at that second that i took the biggest leap of faith i had ever taken in my life. i completely let go of me and gave myself over to God at that moment because i knew if i didnt I was going to die.

i knew it so strongly as i'm sitting here today. He was giving me my last chance. my choice was to live or to die.

i finally, after 22 years chose to live.

omg im so crying right now, lol. im such a dork!

brb

You're not a dork for crying, because I was getting tear-eyed while I read your post.

Jack

[nadanow]

and you are cool with him going to work? what kind of hospital he work in that let him test positive and still work

He is on a one way trip to nowhere

he really needs to self disclose to his board before he ends up getting humiliated by his peers, killing someone, or getting into it with another user over his under medicating or DEAD from overdose.

You ready for that?

this is really a no brainer mam

he is unsafe and needs help

he needs to get the help.

[joker2]

Nadanow, he has a legit script from his doc for vicodin. That is how he is passing his drug tests. It comes up positive for opiates. Period. No I am not cool with him goig to work like this, but I can only assume(since I am not there) that he is not in oblivion there. I feel the coworkers would notice him "nodding off". I am also pretty sure he will get caught if he doesn't admit it first. I know he will. It's just a matter of time. I also am sure they are very careful what meds he is allowed to pass, I would think after two write ups, finding things in his locker and being drug tested on a regular basis it would throw up some kind of red flag. Unless our healthcare system is sooo desperate...I also have thought maybe he isn't the only one there doing it. I really get the feeling there is some kind of a "ring" going on between a few nurses. A few of them seem to be pretty close and defend eachother quite often. Is he buying it from someone else who is stealing it? He goes thru alot of $ with nothing to show for it. Taking patient leftovers and another nurse just signs off as the witness to the proper disposal? Who knows? Trying to assume everything would just drive me crazy. Bottom line...he has problem no matter where or how he is getting it.

[nadanow]

His prescription is not legit if he is doing ILLEGAL things with it.

did you read my message or did you scan it for ways to enable him some more? As a nurse I do not have enough time in 12 hours to baby-sit substance abusers who think they are slick. Secondly, every time he gets caught he has an excuse, because honestly mistakes happen. In his case it's getting stupider. Yes, health care is desperate they fire him and get sued for wrongful term because "honestly he has a prescription"

He needs to self disclose so that he can really be monitored and some real help. Because right now he is a thief and a liar and an addict and you are helping him....

I was working agency in a small town ER and one of the ladies from the floor fell out. Had all the symptoms of opiate use, you know what her "friend" did?

Gave her some morphine so that would excuse her positive drug test.

She was found dead three weeks later at home.

Nurses are thrust with alot of responsibility and I wouldn't want to injure a patient because someone is dipping in the cookie jar for foolishness, You and him both need to actively seek treatment.

:redbeathe

[PMHNP10]

Yes it is treatable, however interventions are very dramatic. Literature shows them as not very effective.

Leaving with the children. If that does not wake him up, then nothing will. Has nothing to do with the dark ages. Practical experience from being 46 years old.

That's simply not accurate. I will agree that either one of us can find anecdotal examples where they have/have not worked (e. g., the Kurt Cobain tragedy); and you might even be able to find evidence based research indicating they aren't all that successful, but there is a significant bit of information showing them as effective, especially if you compare it to doing nothing or enabling the destructive behavior. I guess my point is that I certainly wouldn't discourage someone from doing an intervention on someone they love, but it has to be well thought out; and if nothing changes, the OP can say she tried--now his life is solely in God's hands and she can wipe hers clean.

I have thought of an intervention before. And I certainly am concerned with the patient care side of things. But there is so much more background than I am able to post here. But to make the story even more complicated, he was pre-med when he was just out of high school. I mean this guy was and still is pretty intelligent. And he can make himself, in a sober state, come off as the most professional person around. But long story short, he flunked out of school at 18 due to a drug problem, spent some time in rehab and came out not 100% cured, but not what you would consider a problem either. He has always drank more than I liked, but the current problem is new. He has always been able to hold down a job and like I said, no one but his family knows what is going on. I am pretty sure he either is not getting high at work or not getting to the point of oblivion that he gets to when at home. In fact, I know he is not doing it that way at work. I mean, at home he can't stay awake for longer than ten minutes at a time. I believe it's called "being on the nod". The co workers would definitely notice if he was asleep, I'm sure. So this is something he has battled for along time and I thought he was okay, but here it is twenty years later and it has reared it's ugly head again. I know some say to leave him. And he is not currently living in the house, but he is my husband, I do love him because he is my best friend and I do see it as a disease. If this marriage ends, it will be because he chose a lifestyle that I do not want for myself or my children. I do not feel an intervention is the wrong thing to do at all. I just know how he feels about counselors or therapist and as he has said before, "I can talk that crap all day". He is very good at knowing what people want to hear. An intervention will only work if he is ready to accept help and I think we might be close.

don't know what you've done/not done, but maybe check out the Mayo Clinic's website about interventions. They have some pretty decent information.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/intervention/MH00127

And keep in mind, unless your kids are toddlers or younger, they kinda do know what's going on.

For what it's worth, my prayers for you and your family.

[BEDPAN76]

NADANOW..... OP is going through some tough times and seems to me you are accusing her and blaming her. I know you are entitled to your opinions, but try to be a little supportive, how about it?

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

NADANOW..... OP is going through some tough times and seems to me you are accusing her and blaming her. I know you are entitled to your opinions, but try to be a little supportive, how about it?

Sometimes the best approach isn't to sugar coat it and just whoop someone upside the head "your man is a thief, an addict and a liar.......get help now". It doesn't sound like blaming the victum, and it may not sound "supportive", but it beats "you poor dear, let me pat your hand and give you some sympathy and prayers".

Perhaps there's a middle ground somewhere in approaches.

Just my two cents.

[joker2]

Okay, well I have certainly received more advice than I expected. For those of you that think I am "supporting" or "enabling" him, you are wrong. I do plan on intervening when I know exactly how and when to do it, which is why I turned to this forum for some inside information. I really did not mean to start any bickering over the subject. I am not some kind of moron that doesn't understand what he is doing with that "legit" prescription or what he is really using it for. Which, if you read my posts you would know that I was mearly making a point to clarify to some of you as to HOW he is passing his drug tests. He is being tested for certain classifications of drugs, not specific drugs, which I am sure most of you know the drill. Anyhow, thanks for all your help! I know more about substance abuse than I ever had the desire to and I feel that I better know what I can do. THANKS!

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Sounds like a good time to close the thread. Best of luck to you.