Revised new grad cover letter critique.

[blah_blah_blah]

I previously posted my cover letter, and I have since revised it. Do you guys have any more suggestions?? thanks for your time!

____________________

Dear [nurse recruiter]:

I am writing in response to the pediatric nurse position at Children's Hospital as advertised on the Children's Health careers website. Pediatrics has always been a passion of mine and I look forward to the opportunity presented by this nursing position.

I am a Registered Nurse currently enrolled at Random College where I am working toward my BSN to be conferred in May 2015. For the past 7 years, I have worked as a customer service representative at Grocery Store. During that time, I have developed a passion for excellent customer service, exceptional communication skills, efficiency, and teamwork. Those skills paired with my nursing education have allowed me to provide high quality patient centered care to both the patient and their families. I would love to be part of the Children's Hospital nursing team as your vision of accountability, integrity, excellence, and patient centered care are very similar to the principles I value as a health care professional.

Please find my attached resume for consideration for the pediatric nurse position. I can be reached at (XXX) XXX-XXXX or at [email protected] at your convenience. Thank you for your consideration and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Me, R.N.

_____________

A few questions to follow...

1. Is it appropriate to put that peds is my passion since I have no experience (minus clinicals)? should I say it's an interest instead? the word "passion" stands out more but it may seem misleading and suggest that I have experience.

2. again, since I have no experience, should I put "Those skills paired with my nursing education have allowed me to provide high quality patient centered care to both the patient and their families during my clinical experience." or is it fine the other way? thanks again!

[RunBabyRN]

We already talked about #2 in your other post, so I won't go into that, but on #1, I think people can absolutely have a passion for something before they'e worked in it. I have had my passion for L&D since I was 5, when my brother was born. I've worked in healthcare for a long time, but that passion has remained. Don't be afraid of strong wording if it's true. :)

[blah_blah_blah]

We already talked about #2 in your other post, so I won't go into that, but on #1, I think people can absolutely have a passion for something before they'e worked in it. I have had my passion for L&D since I was 5, when my brother was born. I've worked in healthcare for a long time, but that passion has remained. Don't be afraid of strong wording if it's true. :)

Thanks! I'm just worried because i feel like peds is a very popular specialty and all the new grads want to work there because "OH! a baby!" which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just don't want to come across as fake even though I am truly interested in this field.

[JoseQuinones]

Dear Candidate:

Drop the word "passion" before I will even glance at your application.

Signed,

Every HR person ever.

[JMCP]

its a bit wordy, a bit presumptuous. Just list your qualities, what you have to offer the hospital and unit. Forget that stuff about looking forward to the position and what it has to offer... second paragraph is good!

oh, also your opening sentence, stop at the first children's hospital. There is no need to tell them what they already know which is that you can find it on their website... basically, if its not necessary and doesn't show what qualities you have, don't put it down.