Rethinking my nursing motivation

RuthG · Sep 29, 2004

Dear Jacel

I am three and a half months into my new career as a nurse. I am 47 years old. I chose the med-surg unit for the experiences it would give me as a start. I am getting more frequent migraines than ever, don't have time to eat lunch many days, and when I do it's a gulp-down affair, and am probably dehydrated by the end of the day, so drink lots when I get home and then have to get up 3 times during the night to use the bathroom. I am also wondering about what a difference I can possibly be making when I feel so stressed and overworked and feel like I don't have the time to properly supervise my CNA's or update profiles, much less spend enough time assessing my patients. I get frustrated with those who smoke too much, don't work, over eat, won't exercise but expect us to take care of their fat sick bodies when they won't help! Now that is a bad attitude, especially for a Christian! Which makes me realize I may be headed for burnout early, or is this the reality shock? I felt very led to get into nursing and prayed about it for several years. I hope that someday I will find a less stressful environment to work in, but all areas seem quite busy and have their own special stresses.

I may not be helping you much, but I think just writing out my feelings is helping me. At least we know we are not alone. For the record, I am planning to hang in there - at least for another year, when a new hospital opens up in our area. Then I will look at my options, maybe an Oncology center would work well for me. I did that as a nurse tech, but did feel the losses after a while as well, as you do get to know your patients quite well.

Thanks for listening:rolleyes:

Ruth

Hello everyone,
Lately, I have been doing a lot of soul searching as to why I am so unhappy in my current job on a med-surg floor. Here's what I've concluded regarding my own influences:
I may have gone into nursing with a biased outlook. I entered nursing school as a true calling, for the sole purpose of helping people- for making a difference in their lives. The other positives I have found are the money, the respect I feel for what I do, the availabity of alternative scheduling, and the vast opportunities nursing has to offer. I feel there will always be a nursing job for me. I like learning skills, attaining new knowledge and performing medical interventions; I enjoy being in an intelligent profession.
Overall, I care a great deal for people and I want to help them to help themselves and to recover from whatever illness they suffer, or ease them into a painless death when it comes to that. I love the idea of wholistic nursing care. I love smiling on a job-well done where I truly connect with a patient. I love going home and feeling I made a difference somehow. I love a spiritual day's work.
Herin lies my dilema; In working as a nurse now for 6 months, I have discovered how much stress and demanding work this is. I may have overestimated my abilities to help people. I could be the most charismatic nurse on the planet, bend over backwards to teach them and help them, but in the end, I haven't made much of a difference. I'm beginning to believe that nursing doesn't allow for life-altering interventions. I feel like a drug-dealer with many of my patients, I feel like a waitress with others, I feel like a useless remote control for everything they don't feel like doing and I happen to be there. I feel my kindness/generosity is often taken for granted with many patients. There are the few and precious patients who do not act in this way, but they are far outweighed by those who demand more.
I'm ranting now but these are true feelings surfacing that I didn't realize would affect my career so strongly. Has anyone out there faced these types of feelings and lived to tell a tale of happiness? Is there no area of nursing I can truly feel I'm doing God's work or will I have to settle for the concept that nursing is just a job? Or was I seriously misinformed and overly zealous about what nursing could be? (I am transfering to a hospice unit in a few weeks in hopes I can be the type of nurse I started this journey to become.)
Please, any responses welcome, I would love to hear them.
Reaching for hope,
JacelRN

JacelRN, BSN, RN · Sep 29, 2004

Hello again friends,

Well, I have since begun orientation for Hospice. I really feel like it's exactly what I've been praying for. Don't get me wrong, I expect this to be a very challenging area of nursing, but you know what, I'm up for the challenge!

RuthG, I do appreciate you telling me your story, it helps to know we're not alone out there. I think you're smart to hang in there, Med-surg is a valuable core knowledge I agree every nurse should experience. God-love the nurses that remain in Med-Surg, I don't think I've got what it takes but for those who do...please know that you are appreciated, at least by me.

SunStreak...THANK YOU so much for what you said. I've got a huge smile on my face I think I'll print it out so when I have a particularly crappy day, I can say "Hey at least Sunstreak likes me!"

And Fizzgig (love the name btw) I think this happens to the best of us. Some new grads may not express it, but I'm the type of person who can't hold things like this in for long...when I tried I actually made myself sick. That's why this board, and my virtual friends are so important to me. It's an outlet for venting the best and worst we nurses have to deal with. I'm gonna hang in there, even just in an optional position on my Med-surg floor so that one day I can look back on it and tell myself I got through it. I just think personally, full time was too much. Look around and find what will make you happy.

Thanks again all, you guys and gals are God-sent!

:kiss

JacelRN

germain · Oct 2, 2004

Or ICU nursing. Your med surg experience would fit in well, the patients are usually sedated, but you have lots of opportunity to do good.

Goltzer · Nov 5, 2004

I read your email and I totally agree with you. I have been a nurse for 17+ years and even changing departments and places of employment, not to mention, types of nursing employment does not always work. The job of nursing is beaten out of us by a system that frankly doesn't care.

Thank you all so much,
I just woke up after working last night and when I read all your posts, I cried. I guess I had so much emotion inside and no real outlet for it. I talk to my coworkers and every once in a while I get a true friend who will tell me they too have felt this way, but it mostly just turns into a complaining session about managers, holiday schedules, bonuses, etc.
While those things are important to people (and me sometimes), I am searching for the higher purpose. I realize I may never reach it, as many of you have said. But to strive for it and believe I may be that pebble in the pond is a relief. If no patient ever gets what nursing is really about for many of us, I may have to settle for God's knowledge. Maybe I was looking in the wrong place all along.
Thank you for reafirming there are others out there like me who view this as more than a job. Thank you for the kind words and redirection. I guess I just needed a virtual hug and an acknowledgement that yes, this does happen to the best of us and yes, there is a way to live through it.
Tweety, I wanted to hear you ramble when you mentioned it (About the reality shock). If you feel up for it, I'll listen. Perhaps its what any of us need, just someone else out there saying "Yeah, I felt that way too!"
Love you guys and gals,
JacelRN

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Nov 5, 2004

Jacel,

Good luck in hospice. I'm sure you will enjoy it and be an excellent hospice nurse.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Nov 5, 2004

Jacel, your story reminds me of a little tale that I'm sure everyone has heard before in some fashion, but I think it's particularly fitting here:

One day a little boy named Timmy and his grandfather were strolling along a beach, where literally thousands of starfish had washed up when the tide had come in earlier that morning. Many were already dead, and those that were still alive were obviously struggling. The boy picked one up in his small hand, looked at it for a moment, then tossed it back into the ocean.

His grandfather said, "Don't bother, Timmy, there's too many of them for you to make a difference."

Timmy looked back at his grandfather as he picked up another starfish and prepared to throw it into the water. "It made a difference to that one," he said simply.

I love that story because it points out what we too often forget when we're rushing through our day, trying to finish everything that has to be done and focusing on tasks rather than the 'big picture'. We can't save the world; but somewhere along the line, what we do DOES make a difference, even if it's only for one person whom we may never even see again. :)

>--stethoscope--o · Apr 14, 2008

Wow!!! Some one I can relate too!!! I'm a nursing student on my second semester and I too feel like all I do is procedures all day and that's it. I don't see where the spiritual aspect is suppose to happen. I don't even think we are ever going to be thought how to deal with patients in this aspect. Right now this is what has taken a toll on my motivation in Nursing. Don't get me wrong, I love to do the procedures, but there has got to be more to it than just that. I leave clinicals and I don't feel like I have accomplished something important, just something that any nurse could do. For those of you reading this help me out and give me some insight on what areas of nursing focus on the spiritual side of nursing (I know hospice is one of them, tell me other areas). I don't want to quit and not want to be a nurse, I need motivation that this could be done. Just make sure to Private message me on this. Thanks.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Apr 14, 2008

Wow!!! Some one I can relate too!!! I'm a nursing student on my second semester and I too feel like all I do is procedures all day and that's it. I don't see where the spiritual aspect is suppose to happen. I don't even think we are ever going to be thought how to deal with patients in this aspect. Right now this is what has taken a toll on my motivation in Nursing. Don't get me wrong, I love to do the procedures, but there has got to be more to it than just that. I leave clinicals and I don't feel like I have accomplished something important, just something that any nurse could do. For those of you reading this help me out and give me some insight on what areas of nursing focus on the spiritual side of nursing (I know hospice is one of them, tell me other areas). I don't want to quit and not want to be a nurse, I need motivation that this could be done. Just make sure to Private message me on this. Thanks.

Nursing school does seem to focus on tasks and patho/pharm.

Sometimes at the end of the day we have to take our satisfaction where we can and usually that's in the little things, such as providing comfort, a moment in a hectic day where we stop to take a breath and listen to a patient for a few minutes. Those moments where we come home and say "wow, I really made a difference" can sometimes be few and far between, but when they do happen it makes it all worth while.