Rethinking My Choice To Be A Nurse

Wuzzie · Jun 13, 2018

Holy wall of text!! Could you do those of us with old eyes a favor and break this into paragraphs so we can read it better. That way maybe we can make better sense of it and offer you some good advice.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Jun 13, 2018

I wish I could give you a hug! Your pain is palpable. I feel for you because I have bipolar I and know how out-of-control it can get. My case was incompatible with my career and I had to leave and go on disability awhile back, so I get it.

To be honest, I think this is not the time for you to start school. You're unstable and you know it, which is a good bit of insight that not a lot of people have when they're in the middle of depression or mania. I know you don't want to disappoint anyone, but don't let that guilt you into doing something you're clearly not ready for. At this point all you're going to be doing is wasting both time and money, and you don't want that. You need to concentrate on getting better.

I wonder, since you're working only part-time and I'm assuming you have a low income, if you might be eligible for Medicaid. This is the federal program that provides assistance with medical expenses and prescription medications. You have to have very little money and few resources, but it's worth looking into. As you know, sticking with your medication and treatment regimen is vital to getting and staying well; unfortunately it often takes months or even years to find the right combination of meds, and you just haven't been diagnosed long enough to get to that place. It took me over two years to reach stability, and I had a hospitalization for suicidal ideation in the middle of trying different things. Unfortunately for my career, it was too late to salvage it and I wound up going on Social Security Disability.

This doesn't mean you can't become a nurse at some point in your life. Don't give up on your dreams; someday you will be healthy enough to go to school and do well. It's just that now isn't the right time. Forgive yourself and don't let anyone tear you down. Make treatment for your bipolar a priority; you can't progress otherwise.

Hugs and best wishes to you. Viva

elkpark · Jun 13, 2018

I agree with Viva that your own mental health and stability need to be your priorities right now. You have the rest of your life to pursue nursing if you decide that's what you want to do. Hugs and best wishes!

amzyRN · Jun 13, 2018

Do you have a therapist and psychiatrist who you work with? I would strongly suggest you get support for yourself, ASAP. That should be your priority other things can wait. You can pursue nursing when you are stable and can apporach it from a position of strength, not anxiety and doubt. Please take care of yourself.

kassthebadass · Jun 14, 2018

Thank you so much for this. It feels so good to hear from someone who understands what I'm going through, because even though I have a decent support group, none of them truly understand what being bipolar means or feels like. I feel really alone most days. I found a clinic near me that may be able to help me until open enrollment in November. They offer cheap to free mental health care depending on your situation, diagnosis, etc. I'm going to go next week and see if they can help me. As for school, I'm going to try to get through this semester best I can. It's short, ends on July 30th. Until then I'm going to think about what I should do after that, continue with school or just take some time out to even myself out. I think I might do that. I still aspire to be a nurse someday. I loved being a CNA, but I wasn't fully stable then, and I'm not fully stable now. I can't help others if I can't help myself...Again, thank you so much for the advice. It's means so much to me.

nightlightnurseaide · Jun 24, 2018

hey i get how you feel i live in georgia to. the school i went to for lpn was southern regional and i quickly got out. the teacher was a braindead that rambled on about soda while going through a powerpoint. read the book take the test. i didnt like it

nightlightnurseaide · Jun 24, 2018

if you need someone to talk to, im all ears im probably more like you then anyone else on this site. my dad is bipolar and so was his dad i was never formally diagnosed, but since its genetic im going to not be surprised if i ever am diagnosed

HIPAAPotamus, BSN, RN · Jul 3, 2018

Speaking as a newly minted RN who also has bipolar disorder (though in a less acute stage than yours), from one quirky lady to another..

..This is not the time to go into an epically high-stress major, like nursing.

I say "this is not the time", because there may be a time. It's not when you're in such a crisis state that you can't manage the early stages and nod off in class.

I so deeply understand the desire to make your mother proud, to prove that your worth her financial sacrifice. But ask yourself this: would she be happier having a daughter who is present, functional, and recognizes her own need to survive? Or does she put however much she spent on those two classes over her daughter's mental health?

(Don't answer that, I think it's obvious that I meant the former)

You're in a critical stage of a need for self-preservation. You have a long life ahead of you, and this is the time that you need to focus on managing your mental health to ensure that you'll be ready. Give yourself a semester. Two, if you need. But know that you can't push through and fix this biochemistry. And that your mother and boyfriend would rather you functional and healthy.