when to remove the tube feed /or not

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2008

She is in the process of dying. Removing the tube feeding will, if she is still digesting any of it, speed the process.

I believe that letting her go is the moral and kind thing to do. But your dad feels, for obvious reasons, guilt about doing that.

Have you contacted anyone from hospice to come and talk with him and the rest of the family?

I hope earle checks into this thread.

BinkieRN, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2008

That's an extremely difficult situation. Is your Grandmother able to communicate in any way? Can her doctor intervene in her behalf?

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I believe your father is thinking more of himself, losing her, rather than what may be best for her. If I were she and I knew I was dying and I was suffering I would ask to be let to die. Hopefully the doctor will be able to intervene.

God Bless you, your father and your dear Grandmother

nrsang97, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2008

(((Leah))),

I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. Sounds like the thing to do now is to stop the feed because she isn't absrobing it anyway. This is a hard decision to make. However removing the tube feed will speed the process, but will ease some of her pain and discomfort as well that you have described. Have you contacted hospice? Maybe a meeting can be arranged with you and the rest of the family?

Prayers and blessings to you and your family Leah at this time.

angelwings777 · Sep 3, 2008

She is in the process of dying. Removing the tube feeding will, if she is still digesting any of it, speed the process.
I believe that letting her go is the moral and kind thing to do. But your dad feels, for obvious reasons, guilt about doing that.
Have you contacted anyone from hospice to come and talk with him and the rest of the family?
I hope earle checks into this thread.

dad is drving me and mom nuts

he finally decided to move her to hospice

and near our house

but he is the one that wont let go

and Gram cires out "i want to be with Jesus " why am i here "

it has been so stressfull for us

to make a long story short my dad doesnt have any of his famlies support

and they are lingering like vultures waiting for her to die

and dad hopes she will use up her moneys by keeping her alive long enogh

so he dont have to give a dime to the freeloaders

money is not everything

i think this woman that is 90 deserves to die with dignity

the whole frekking house has grams stuff here its a viritual shrine

and im going nuts from it

trying to grt through lpn school and deal with all this

and living with parents which i had to do in order to afford my schooling

just say a prayer for me

its gonna be a long haul :/

and the min i get that lpn degree

im off to Las vegas !

leah :confused:

chenoaspirit, ASN, RN · Sep 3, 2008

Well, I feel that when treatment is causing more pain than good, its time to stop. If the tube feeding is causing her to cry in pain and making her bloat, and you say she isnt absorbing it, it sounds like it isnt doing any good anymore anyway. Large residual can actually cause her to aspirate. I know this is very hard on you and your family. Ive been with many families when they had to make such a hard choice. But the family has to make the decision that they can live with. People can live for a long time without food. The main thing is to make her as comfortable as possible...meds to ease pain, turning her every 2 hours, fluffing pillows, and definitely providing her with GREAT oral care. I think the family needs to sit down with the doctor and have a long heart to heart talk about the pros and cons of all treatments involved. Then together the family should sit and discuss the options and decide together. God bless you, your family, and your grandmother.

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2008

to make a long story short my dad doesnt have any of his famlies support
and they are lingering like vultures waiting for her to die
and dad hopes she will use up her moneys by keeping her alive long enogh
so he dont have to give a dime to the freeloaders

Can you gently point out that by wanting to punish the vultures he is punishing his mother?

angelwings777 · Sep 3, 2008

Well, I feel that when treatment is causing more pain than good, its time to stop. If the tube feeding is causing her to cry in pain and making her bloat, and you say she isnt absorbing it, it sounds like it isnt doing any good anymore anyway. Large residual can actually cause her to aspirate. I know this is very hard on you and your family. Ive been with many families when they had to make such a hard choice. But the family has to make the decision that they can live with. People can live for a long time without food. The main thing is to make her as comfortable as possible...meds to ease pain, turning her every 2 hours, fluffing pillows, and definitely providing her with GREAT oral care. I think the family needs to sit down with the doctor and have a long heart to heart talk about the pros and cons of all treatments involved. Then together the family should sit and discuss the options and decide together. God bless you, your family, and your grandmother.

thanks

she can verbalize that she wants to go home (heaven )

but she is now suffering from dementia

and the mass is goign to the brain now

and she forgets things

also why do dying people have nightmares ?

or is it due to the lack of oxygen in the brain ?

she tells me all these bad dreams

i was wondering if the atavan was doing that ?

or is it the pain meds

i want to tell the doc that she shoudl prolly be on a

med for her confusion

maybe haldol ?

thanks

leah

:banghead:

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2008

Leah, when did she get to hospice? The hospice peeps will figure this out.

angelwings777 · Sep 3, 2008

Can you gently point out that by wanting to punish the vultures he is punishing his mother?

in my opinion hes hurting her more than they are

the hard part for me is Grandmother is a good christian

loving and kind

giving and dad is bitter and unforgiving

belive you me i have talked till im blue in the face

to him about it

its just so sad

i wanted her to be like the ones that just fall asleep and pass on peacfully

on a couch or somthing and it aint gonna happen that way

so i figure better have her sedated and no pain than comimg in and out

of pain and confusion

thanks

God bless you

leah :crying2: :redpinkhe

angelwings777 · Sep 3, 2008

Leah, when did she get to hospice? The hospice peeps will figure this out.

she will be placed in hospice this week

thank God

so hopfully they can talk to the hard head :/

i have seen dying people

and i told my mom and dad i will not allow this to happen to you

if it gets like this

you get a whole different perspective on it when you work around it 24/7

i see people (et) tubed and knwoing that some are too weak and will be vent dependant the reat of their life

and that is sad

but it is a hard decision like you say it has alot of factors to take into

:cry: :heartbeat:redbeathe

leslie :-D · Sep 3, 2008

hi leah,

you sound like a loving, sensitive granddaughter who only wants comfort for your grandmother.

i'm not sure i'm understanding why your dad wants her to remain on the g-tube?

is it because of guilt/fear that he would be causing her death by letting her 'starve'?

or is it related to some family dynamics involving unresolved anger, hurt?

clearly, the feedings are causing your grandmother more anguish and pain.

her body is trying to die.

she and it are ready.

these feedings are keeping her alive artificially.

she will not feel hunger, i can promise you that.

and, if she becomes dehydrated, her body will release endorphins which will serve as a natural analgesic.

another important consideration, is that she very well could be experiencing mental pain as well as the physical.

truly, there is work to dying.

much of this work is resolving the unresolved.

if there are outstanding tensions, now is the time to put them to rest...

that everyone needs to let grandma know that she is loved and valued.

this is NOT the time to hold onto grudges.

your dad needs to focus on his mom and her well being.

right now she is suffering.

you may want to remind him (privately) that you will not allow your grandma to suffer because of him.

you need to advocate for her, and let dad know that you mean business.

this is your grandmother's time and no one should be detracting from that.

i believe you know what i'm talking about, and also believe you know what you need to do.

you have excellent instincts.

so yes, the fdgs are adding to her pain...

as is possible/probable constipation.

i'm pretty sure the tumors are starting to obstruct her.

and yes, the ativan could be causing paradoxical agitation but it could also be the tension from your family.

haldol would be an effective alternative.

hospice needs to get involved immediately so they can do what they do best.

and more than anything, your family needs to redirect all their energies to your grandmother's best interests.

letting her suffer is inexcusable.

many hugs to you, honey.

and give your grandma a great big hug for me.:redpinkhe

leslie