Relationship Between Unmarried Residents.

[NurseQT]

I've encountered a new type situation between two residents at my new job. These two began a relationship back in the fall, both are widowed. Both are ambulatory and pretty independent (she more than he) within the facility. They're both their own decision makers, although neither of them should be since there is some confusion on both of their behalves. Their families are aware of this companionship and neither have opposed it. He is in a shared room with another man on one hall, she has a private room on the other hall. Here's where things get tricky. There have been nights when they want to spend the night together. At times they have attempted to stay in his room but it's usually in her room. When they spend the night together neither get very much sleep and the next day both are tired, confused, and agitated. And no it's not because they're doing the freaky-deaky all night, she sleeps in her bed and he sleeps in her rocking chair but neither get a good night's sleep. Staff attempt to redirect him to his room in the evening, but they will get confused and agitated because they think they're married and that her room is his room as well. There have been times when she has voiced to staff that she would like him to go back to his room so she can sleep but he will still refuse. Last night he stayed in her room and multiple attempts were made to redirect him to his room which were ineffective. At 0400 he was found in the room of two other women, around the corner from his "friend's" room. He was sitting in one of the ladies' recliners with no pants on!!!! It was these ladies that woke up and found him in their room and called for assistance. While he was in there he apparently urinated on one of the ladies' blankets!!

Staff is at a loss on how to handle this situation without violating their rights or the rights of the other residents. But the "sleepovers" are negatively affecting them and now other residents. Has anyone else ever encountered anything like this?

[chrisrn24]

Good luck with this! I'm not sure I have advice but wow. If it's an issue of sundowning maybe distract them at HS? Separate activities?

If she doesn't want him in there is she saying this to him? He might not listen to you but maybe he will listen to her.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Maybe they need twin beds in her room,then they'll both get a good night's sleep.....

[NurseQT]

I've actually mentioned moving them in to the same room, I don't know what state would think of that one tho!

The weekend before last there was a big showdown with her, she kept insisting his room was her room too and wanted to know why all of her things had been moved. Staff was unable to redirect her or calm her down, even her son wasn't able to calm her. I think she finally went back to her room and crashed out hard. Since than they both have been in their own rooms every night when I come in and there haven't been any issues at hs either.

[jessmurph]

Wow. No advice. What a tough situation. I hope you find a solution soon- keep us posted!

[amoLucia]

You always need to consider if one partner could be abusing the other, either intentionally or accidently.

Like the elderly resident LOM who would visit his wife in her room, but then tried lifting her out of bed by himself. He dropped her and she broke her hip.

Had another couple, common-law partners, before their admissions to the facility (same room). Both were alert and oriented and wanted to be together. She was the more debilitated of the two. We couldn't catch him but we thought he was slapping her and pinching her at times. We could hear him berating/hollering at her and smack noises (?) but she always denied it. They were counseled but eventually one had to be hospitalized and declined.

Have had several other married couples but issues were manageable.

Tough problem.

[casi, ASN, RN]

Since dementia is really starting to play a role in the relationship. If she is voicing that she doesn't want him in her room and he refuses to leave this could fall under laws of keeping a vulnerable adult safe. It might be time to move one to another unit, such as a locked memory care if he's wandering.

We had a confused "couple" on out unit. Thankfully for the most part we could keep them out of each other's rooms. the problem was he'd become physically abusive with her daughter. Due to several reasons they got moved to different units.

[NurseQT]

We don't have any other units, this is a very small facility. They are both their own decision makers so everyone is trying to abide by their right to privacy and what not. I've brought up having both if their POAs activated unfortunately I feel like I'm talking to a wall. The one time she said she wanted him to go back to his room it was something she said to the nurse but not to him and then said just the opposite just a few minutes later. I work nocs and the past couple weeks have been quite on the home front. Both are in their own rooms when I come on and we never hear a peep from them.