recently loss

[mark_LD_RN]

I was wondering if anyone had any helpful advice with dealing with loss of a patient. I recently had a patient that i was her nurses a while back for first delivery. she was going to be induced and asked me if i would come in and had told her no i could not related to my schedule ,she understood. well to make a long story short her labor went horribly wrong. she ended up in ICU almost died and the baby did not make it. I came in and took care of her in the ICU. a while has passed since mom is recovered by what i call is a miracle. but I still have trouble sleeping at times and get awakened from sleep in a cold sweat. I can still see here looking up at me intubated as i worked furiously to care for her.

it seems to be getting better with time.just wondering if anyone had some input on the matter thanks:)

[heatherbless]

hey-you did the best you could/just pray about it and give it God--let him stay up all night and think about it and you just try and get some sleep/bet/hty.

[mark_LD_RN]

thanks heather:) that is what i am tryin g to do.just not very easy for me to forget this

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Have you considered your hospital's EAP? Sometimes you need a sounding board...good luck. You are a wonderful and caring nurse.

[prmenrs, RN]

Actually, that is a very good idea. My observation over the past years is that L&D personnel are particularly devastated when a Mom dies or unexpectedly does very poorly. It doesn't happen very often, and it is very hard for them.

On top of that, you had a close relationship from her previous delivery, you couldn't be there for this one, you're bound to have a lot of ???s in your mind. We cannot control everything, drat it, and that's a toughie for a lot of us.

If there is no EAP available to you, get some short term counseling w/some one, so that you can get some perspective one this sad event, as well as possibly supplying it to the mom, if you so choose.

This is a very tough thing to handle, but I know you can. Check in, please, Mark. I'll be thinking of you often.

[mark_LD_RN]

thks, I am have spoke with and participate in such support and groups. I am feeling much better. but still think of her often. she and her family are terrific, they are handling it well. her and her husband came to visit me she wanted to show me how well she is doing and thank me for what i did. it help for me to hear that she believed god had arranged it so i would be the one to care for her at the most critical point of the whole thing. that helped me the most of all.

she plans on getting pregnant again sometime. this time i promised her no matter what she can call me and i will be there this time:)

thanks again for the support and advice. i think i will be fine over time:)

[chris_at_lucas_RN, RN]

Hi, Mark--I was going to say, since you know her, maybe it would be a good idea to give her a call and let her know you are thinking about her and her family, and hoping she is doing OK.

That way, you can substitute the positive, healthier image for the painful one that haunts you.

What a nice lady, that she would come and see you--and take care of giving you that new image of her.

You are right, you will be fine. In the meantime, take this from an old psychotherapist: if you didn't have the "heart" to be a nurse, you wouldn't be vulnerable. It is the part of nursing that is the most important, because it cannot be taught or learned. If it's not hard wired, if you don't have it as part of your personality, you aren't going to get it.

I'm glad to know you are out there in the world--your patients are lucky to have you!

Blessings on you, Mark.