Really depressed about new LTC job

Specialties Geriatric

Published

Sorry this is so long!

I just started my first job as an LPN in an LTC and I already hate it. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I don't know anything, I don't have enough time to do anything and I am always worried that I am making mistakes. Last night was my first night alone after 5 days of training. I have been trained in both out independent living area and in our locked memory care unit and I started off in the locked unit last night. I felt like I was racing to get my med pass done and was almost in tears at the end of my shift. I don't even know why I hate it, I like the residents and the people I work with well enough, I just really don't feel like a "nurse." I only have 28 residents in my unit to do med pass on (we do not do treatments) but I still feel overwhelmed. Most of the residents have meds scheduled every hour from 4-10 and I have to do 3 med passes to give them at the appropriate times. I think the other nurses that work in the unit just do 2 passes, and give all 7-10p meds at 7p. I just don't feel comfortable doing that, especially since a large % of my med pass is narcs/anti psychotic/cardiac meds. It seems as if I am only there to shove pills down peoples' throats and I'm not really using my nursing skills or learning any new skills. I feel like the nurses/aides I work with are out to get me and I'm always nervous I am going to do something wrong. Any the paperwork? I don't even want to get started on that because I feel like I am clueless about that too. I know that LTC can be very stressful, and I should give it time, but I really don't feel like it will get better. Does anyone have similar experiences? I am also worried about being "thrown to the wolves" as a new nurse. My facility has over 200 residents, ranging from completely independent to those I worked with in the locked unit, and the night shift only has one nurse from 11P-7A. I am worried about being scheduled that shift and being the only nurse there in case of emergency. I just don't feel that is very safe. My facility also utilizes "med techs" to save $ and we as the nurse are supposed to sign the MAR for any eye drops/topicals/patches that the med techs do (I guess they legally cannot do anything except PO meds) I also don't feel comfortable with that. It's not that I don't trust the techs, I just don't feel like I should sign for ANY one else but me. Am I being nitpicky? Is the way I'm feeling normal? I am starting to question even deciding to become a nurse in the first place. Any words of wisdom are greatly welcomed.

Specializes in ED, acute care, home health, hospice.

I am feeling the same way. There are days that I really like it, really feel like I am making a difference to my patients and while I am always rushed, feel like I really accomplished something at the end of my shift. I will have a few good days, and then horribly depressing days that make me not want to go back. Some days, I can barely make it to the bathroom or out the door without bursting into tears. I have a really great supervisor who is very supportive, and she has really gone out of her way to help me adapt. I almost gave the wrong med to the wrong patient the other day...even though I caught myself, I felt awful. I am so rushed and there are so many distractions and the most important thing is being safe and keeping my patients safe. I am aware I am very critical of myself, and I know I need to cut myself a little slack but it is hard when there are so many ups and downs!

I do like the residents and most of the aides I work with are very understanding that I have a bazillion things to do (meds and treatments, although most days getting to treatments is but a pipe dream) and are there to help me out, but there are usually only 2-3 of them for 30 patients, so it is often not enough. I feel like I am getting amazing support from the DNS and admin, however, I feel like the other nurses I work with are often frustrated with me if I don't get to my treatments (I have only been doing this a month) I know it will come in time and I will get there, but I feel bad passing off things to the next shift. I am constantly running with meds, prn requests and answering call lights when aides are tied up and a patient is in danger of falling, etc.

I don't want to look like a job hopper, and I am applying for jobs wherever I can...not sure what to say in interviews as to why I am looking for another position. I often don't feel safe and I worry about making mistakes all the time. I come home and I am a huge cranky pants to my boyfriend, who wants me to quit just because he sees how unhappy I am and how much I dread going to work. But I know I am getting good experience, and I want to give this a fair shake. My goal right now is to keep applying and to at least give it til the end of September, possibly longer even if there is a glimmer of hope that I am catching on.

I have had almost 2 days off, and I go back tomorrow for another 2 days...already dreading it though :(

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Dukesgal:

I read your post and I feel the exact same way as you. I'm a month into my LTC job, and while at times I find it overwhelming (I work nights, have 130 residents!!!), I view this as a time to gain experience and develop independence. I don't take short cuts: I do things properly. And if that means passing along some things to the next shift, too bad. At least I know I'm doing a good job.

I know I won't stay in LTC forever...but while I'm here, I might as well make the best of it!

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I am feeling the same way. There are days that I really like it, really feel like I am making a difference to my patients and while I am always rushed, feel like I really accomplished something at the end of my shift. I will have a few good days, and then horribly depressing days that make me not want to go back. Some days, I can barely make it to the bathroom or out the door without bursting into tears. I have a really great supervisor who is very supportive, and she has really gone out of her way to help me adapt. I almost gave the wrong med to the wrong patient the other day...even though I caught myself, I felt awful. I am so rushed and there are so many distractions and the most important thing is being safe and keeping my patients safe. I am aware I am very critical of myself, and I know I need to cut myself a little slack but it is hard when there are so many ups and downs!

I do like the residents and most of the aides I work with are very understanding that I have a bazillion things to do (meds and treatments, although most days getting to treatments is but a pipe dream) and are there to help me out, but there are usually only 2-3 of them for 30 patients, so it is often not enough. I feel like I am getting amazing support from the DNS and admin, however, I feel like the other nurses I work with are often frustrated with me if I don't get to my treatments (I have only been doing this a month) I know it will come in time and I will get there, but I feel bad passing off things to the next shift. I am constantly running with meds, prn requests and answering call lights when aides are tied up and a patient is in danger of falling, etc.

I don't want to look like a job hopper, and I am applying for jobs wherever I can...not sure what to say in interviews as to why I am looking for another position. I often don't feel safe and I worry about making mistakes all the time. I come home and I am a huge cranky pants to my boyfriend, who wants me to quit just because he sees how unhappy I am and how much I dread going to work. But I know I am getting good experience, and I want to give this a fair shake. My goal right now is to keep applying and to at least give it til the end of September, possibly longer even if there is a glimmer of hope that I am catching on.

I have had almost 2 days off, and I go back tomorrow for another 2 days...already dreading it though :(

Wow are you me? My bf feels the same. Every week I decide to give it another week, I have my letter of resignition typed out all I have todo is send it out, crazy I know. I'll be back here later when i have more time because I am going to the slave ship now.

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Wow, you guys all sound just like me. I'm one month in and it hasn't gotten any better yet. What's worse is that I'm a "float" in a large nursing home. So as soon as I feel like I have a handle on a certain hall, I get moved to a new hall. When I go back to the previous hall, there will be 5-10 different residents there I've never met. So I just can't get a routine worked out. As for passing things to the next shift... forget it. If I don't get to something, it doesn't get done at all. And if anyone checks and sees that this or that treatment wasn't marked done, and they look who was on that shift, I'll be the one in trouble, not the next shift. So I'm very worried about all the treatments I'm missing because I can't get through the med passes and charting. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to leave at 3, but I haven't left before 5pm yet. I'm worried I'm going to get pulled in and told to either start leaving on time or else. I'm also worried about my charting. I get zero feedback, but I feel like my charting stinks. Maybe it's better to quit than get fired?

I keep giving it "one more week" as someone else said. I'm ready to give my notice though. The stress is terrible.

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Wow, you guys all sound just like me. I'm one month in and it hasn't gotten any better yet. What's worse is that I'm a "float" in a large nursing home. So as soon as I feel like I have a handle on a certain hall, I get moved to a new hall. When I go back to the previous hall, there will be 5-10 different residents there I've never met. So I just can't get a routine worked out. As for passing things to the next shift... forget it. If I don't get to something, it doesn't get done at all. And if anyone checks and sees that this or that treatment wasn't marked done, and they look who was on that shift, I'll be the one in trouble, not the next shift. So I'm very worried about all the treatments I'm missing because I can't get through the med passes and charting. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to leave at 3, but I haven't left before 5pm yet. I'm worried I'm going to get pulled in and told to either start leaving on time or else. I'm also worried about my charting. I get zero feedback, but I feel like my charting stinks. Maybe it's better to quit than get fired?

I keep giving it "one more week" as someone else said. I'm ready to give my notice though. The stress is terrible.

Oh my all of you sound like me. Maybe this is just the way it is.

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I am a couple days off orientation and I already want to leave asap and never EVER return to LTC care again. Maybe other facilities, and by extension their CNA's and support staff are better but when I have some experience under my belt I plan to stay away from LTC.

Six months and (hopefully) I'm out.

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Specializes in Memory care, Psych, Med Surg.

Yes, I'm 3 months in and although I don't despise my job as much as when I started, I am certainly counting down the days til I get that "6 months of experience." I think I will try to do something in home health for the flexibility and one on one care, but who knows? I might find a LTC facility I really like. I wish you all (and me) luck!

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Specializes in Home Care.

I've been at my LTC job almost 6 months. Its getting better, my time management is down and I know my residents. My confidence in what I am doing has greatly improved.

Now I'm in the LPN-RN transition program full-time. I'll be sticking with the LTC job until I get my RN license, then it'll be time to look for a hospital job, home health or hospice job.

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My 3 month probation period is almost over. I still feel pretty overwhelmed most of the time. I'm wondering if they'll even decide to keep me or let me go. Any thoughts? How did the end of probation go for the rest of you? Did it just come and go? Did you have a review and given any feedback? Were you asked to "speed up, improve, or else?" I haven't made any errors or ticked anyone off. But most people can see how overwhelmed I am and I still am the last one done with my med passes, the last one done with my charting, etc. I get zero feedback from supervisors. I have no clue at this point if I'm even doing a decent job. Is it better to quit or to be asked to leave?

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Specializes in Home Care.

Don't sweat it...As long as you're not getting written up or chewed out for one thing or another then you're doing a good job.

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Specializes in Memory care, Psych, Med Surg.

My 3 months has come and gone and I also get zero feedback. It's very frustrating. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong but maybe I'm just crazy? Hopefully I can stick it out a little while longer to gain that much needed experience. I figure if I haven't been yelled at yet or written up then I may be okay, but who knows? I still worry each day that I will make some huge mistake or I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to focus on taking care of my patient's and trying to do my best.

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Specializes in LTC.
Wow, you guys all sound just like me. I'm one month in and it hasn't gotten any better yet. What's worse is that I'm a "float" in a large nursing home. So as soon as I feel like I have a handle on a certain hall, I get moved to a new hall. When I go back to the previous hall, there will be 5-10 different residents there I've never met. So I just can't get a routine worked out. As for passing things to the next shift... forget it. If I don't get to something, it doesn't get done at all. And if anyone checks and sees that this or that treatment wasn't marked done, and they look who was on that shift, I'll be the one in trouble, not the next shift. So I'm very worried about all the treatments I'm missing because I can't get through the med passes and charting. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to leave at 3, but I haven't left before 5pm yet. I'm worried I'm going to get pulled in and told to either start leaving on time or else. I'm also worried about my charting. I get zero feedback, but I feel like my charting stinks. Maybe it's better to quit than get fired?

I keep giving it "one more week" as someone else said. I'm ready to give my notice though. The stress is terrible.

feel the same way, i am also a float nurse and cant seem to get a routine down either!

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