"That's why I don't like working with women"

[clemmm78]

You know, I've lost count of the number of times I've read this comment (just read it a few times in another thread).

What I don't get is most of the people (if not all) who write this are women themselves. Does this mean that the women who write this comment are better than all other women? Does this mean that if they were in charge, the other women they work with wouldn't want to work with them?

I know that these forums encourage complaints and that sometimes we write things we don't really think, but this comment is way too common and is said out loud.

You know what is going to solve this problem? If we stop blaming difficult work conditions on "working with women" and blame it on what it is: working with difficult people. I've worked with both men and women. Some great people in both groups and some horrid people in both groups.

I believe that some people should grow up and stop blaming "working with women" as the root of all problems in nursing. Sheesh.

[CuriousMe]

What I find interesting in this thread, and I think the OP alluded to it, is that not a single woman yet has commented by saying "yes, those are female behaviors and as a female I do them too". So far, every single woman who has commented is convinced that she is one of the exceptions to the rule (unless I've missed something -- I'll confess I haven't read every single word of every post, but I think I've read most of them).

Ok, so I guess I'm up to about $0.08 on this topic so far...... Thanks to the OP for bringing up a very interesting topic!

That is an interesting point. One explanation for it is that maybe it's women who have a more "male" communication style that are frustrated with a group that has a predominantly female communication style...and so are more likely to post on this thread.

[shoegalRN, RN]

I think this is more a function of the anonymity of posting in Internet forums. I have participated in other internet forums and I find that many people will resort to insults as a way of dealing with people disagreeing with them. In one of the male dominated forums in which I participated, there was a handful of the males who were the worst offenders. One in particular got so upset with me for disagreeing with him that not only did he insult me in that thread, he then took it upon himself to insult me over just about every subsequent post I made on any topic.

What I find interesting in this thread, and I think the OP alluded to it, is that not a single woman yet has commented by saying "yes, those are female behaviors and as a female I do them too". So far, every single woman who has commented is convinced that she is one of the exceptions to the rule (unless I've missed something -- I'll confess I haven't read every single word of every post, but I think I've read most of them).

Ok, so I guess I'm up to about $0.08 on this topic so far...... Thanks to the OP for bringing up a very interesting topic!

I will be the first to admit that I am a feminine sensitive woman, but mainly OUTSIDE of work.

Yes, I have vented and complained about some things at work where I disagreed with the doctor's decision that I felt gave a poor patient outcome. However, I do not engage in back-stabbing or gossip sessions or throwing my co-workers under the bus. When I was a fresh new grad that started in the ICU (wrong choice), yes, I took alot of things personally related directly to my nursing abilities. And that was simply because I lacked confidence in my nursing abilities, didnt know what I didnt know, and didnt realize I was being set up for failure.

NOW, I wouldnt dare take things personally. However, if I feel someone has something they wish to discuss with me, I would rather them tell me to my face and not vent about it with everyone else. I don't do that to my co-workers and I want the same respect. And when someone does vent to me about something a co-worker has done, the first thing I ask them is "have you discussed it with so-and-so FIRST?". Nine times out of ten, the answer is "no". Then I tell them in his/her defense, you should take this up with them first before attempting to get others involved. Wouldnt you want the same respect?

So, in essence, alot of people don't come to me to vent or gossip because I don't engage in it. However, outside of work, I am the typical girly-girl. I'm emotional, I'm sensitive, I'm passionate, and I embrace my feminine qualities. I understand there is a time and place for everything, so at work I push the feminine side to the back burner and pull out the masculine traits in order to survive.

[leslie :-D]

What I find interesting in this thread, and I think the OP alluded to it, is that not a single woman yet has commented by saying "yes, those are female behaviors and as a female I do them too". So far, every single woman who has commented is convinced that she is one of the exceptions to the rule (unless I've missed something -- I'll confess I haven't read every single word of every post, but I think I've read most of them).

actually, i did allude to this in post #20...

that us 'straightshooters' are often referred to as "b*tches".

actually and verbatum, "f'ing b*tches".

that double standard, you know.

so while i am not reputed to be "catty and back-stabbing", i have been called a host of other undesirable (?) qualities.

and i'm absolutely ok with that.

leslie

[OttawaRPN]

....so while i am not reputed to be "catty and back-stabbing", i have been called a host of other undesirable (?) qualities.

and i'm absolutely ok with that.

Me too. In fact, I've resembled many remarks....

I will readily admit that although I don't consider myself catty and back-stabbing under normal circumstances, there have been situations where I've retaliated with the "right back 'atcha, baby" attitude and given back as good as I got.

Hey, all's fair in love and nursing....