"How to Fake Sick to the School Nurse"

Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN · May 4, 2012

Those are pretty funny. Most of them wouldn't work with me Especially the friend vouching for the vomit. I have an elementary school, and even with these kids, vomit that goes unwitnessed by an adult does not count. If they say they vomited, they get to hang out in my office for 20+ minutes, chances are if they haven't thrown up again they probably won't. So they get a ticket back to class with the instructions that if they feel nausea again, grab a trash can and head down here because I need to see it or it won't count!

MinnieMomRN · May 5, 2012

Vomit either before or after = hyperactive bowel sounds. Bowel sounds WNL? I tell them "good news! You aren't going to throw in the near future. You can go go back to class!" Buh-bye...

Flare, ASN, BSN · May 7, 2012

i could see my students really trying to pull some of these off.

mycsm · May 7, 2012

MinnieMom: good pick up with the hyperactivity bowel sounds...need to remember that one! The vicks on the eye lids..good one, but some knuckle head will NO DOUBT rub his eye real good and get the vicks in his eye. He will go home but probably straight to ER when I tell his parents what he did.

Vomiting in bathroom, never ever wokrs, even if you brought a friend. i told one kid that the custodian has a special cleaner that cleans toilets and sinks for vomit and if vomit was present , the cleaner turns bright blue. Quickly they back pedal and say , well I kind of just spit in the garbage can. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, RETURN TO CLASS MY FRIEND.

mustlovepoodles, RN · May 8, 2012

MinnieMom: good pick up with the hyperactivity bowel sounds...need to remember that one! The vicks on the eye lids..good one, but some knuckle head will NO DOUBT rub his eye real good and get the vicks in his eye. He will go home but probably straight to ER when I tell his parents what he did.
Vomiting in bathroom, never ever wokrs, even if you brought a friend. i told one kid that the custodian has a special cleaner that cleans toilets and sinks for vomit and if vomit was present , the cleaner turns bright blue. Quickly they back pedal and say , well I kind of just spit in the garbage can. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, RETURN TO CLASS MY FRIEND.

Oh, I am going to use that one! Turns the toilet blue--HAHA!

I used to work in a middle school and those kids were masters at faking illness. I admit, they sucked me in at first, but once I got over the honeymoon stage they had a much harder time faking it. For instance, red eyes--I had a couple kids try to make their eyes red by putting hot sauce in their eyes. Owww! Yeah, their eyes got red and watery, but you could smell the hot sauce at 40 paces...idiots... A few of them tried liquid soap in the eyes, too. The antibacterial scent gave them away.

I had numerous kids try drinking hot water to raise their temps. I never had one who could hold hot water in their mouths for more than a few seconds. I think the highest fake temp they ever managed was about 99.8. Ho hum...

I work in an elementary school now, and sometimes the kids will try to put one over on me. They find out pretty quick that I don't call parents unless there is legitimate illness or injury. My clinic is a no whining zone. If you have a stomachache,you get a cupful of my "special clinic water"(ice water) and 2 crackers and you are required to consume them both. If that doesn't produce vomiting after 15 min, back to class you go! Headache? ice pack to the forehead. If you arent running fever, you can go back to class unless I know you have a history of headaches. That will buy you about 15 min on my cot.

I'm a pretty good judge of illness and my BS meter is extremely accurate. Nothing much gets by me. I don't call parents often, unless their is documentable illness. None of this "I don't feel good stuff." I have a few wanna-be frequent flyers of course, but I've got their number.

Flare, ASN, BSN · May 8, 2012

there are occasional times that i just get fed up with it. I am talking about the real malingering students, insistant they are on their death bed and need a call home. I will sometimes just make that call, preface it with the fact that so and so had been in my office 3 times and i have no reason to send them home - no vomitting, no diarrhea no temp, looks fine... and i will let the parent have final say after explaining that the absense won't be excused. i figure if the parent still wants to pick up their little darlin' after i've put all that info into their brain, then it is on them.

sKris · May 8, 2012

Oh, how I wish we still had real school nurses with brains! The district has gone to "health aids" and it's not a clinic, it's a "health room". She is not allowed and/or capable of making any medical evaluation. She basically hands out ice packs and calls parents.

Once I received a call while shopping that my son had been hit in the eye with a pencil and had "open flesh". When I questioned her further about how serious it was and if he needed to be seen, she repeated, "well, he has open flesh." I abandoned my shopping and rushed to the school to find my son with his backpack ready to go home. He had a miniscule 1/8 scratch, 3/4 of an inch below his eye.

I have also witnessed students coming in giggling and laughing saying they hit their head on the playground. The child gets an ice pack and mom or dad gets a phone call that there was a head trauma. I have since learned to simply ask to speak to my child. They can give me a much better assessment of their situation.

And the best one of all? When I went to pick up my son's inhaler at the end of the year, she couldn't find it. After a good 10 minutes searching she finally located it in a field trip back pack. She told me that there was a sub the day of the field trip and the sub must not have emptied the packs--the field trip was over a month before the end of the school. Luckily my son's asthma is very mild and he did not need to use his inhaler at school, but what if he had? What if it had been an epi-pen for an allergic child? The worst part was that she didn't seem to think it was a big deal. Her response when I asked what would have happened if my son had needed it? "I would have found it eventually." :banghead:

luv-of-kids · May 29, 2012

Flare-I wish you were my sons school nurse a couple of years ago. I've read a lot of your posts and I know he couldn't pull a fast one on you. A few years ago, my sons school nurse told me near the end of the year when I just happened to come up to the school for an unrelated issue that he goes down to her office every day for his inhaler. She also stated his lungs are always cta and sats 99. And yes, she was an RN. My son hardly ever truly needs his inhaler (maybe a couple of days in the fall). She never called me to tell me he was using it daily (get out of class??? Hello???). Let's not mention how bad it is to puff albuterol daily unnecessarily! So next school year, I came in with his inhaler and a note signed by yours truly for her records stating if he asks for his inhaler she has my permission to NOT give it to him if his lungs are cta, sats 98 and above and her professional judgement says HE'S FAKING!! Problem solved. What else I told her was I can't help resolve an issue I don't know about.