Quick advice, verbally attacked by coworker

[Ftrrn27]

I'm a unit secretary. Weeks away from finding out if I'm getting into nursing school. Love my job, love my company/hospital. Hope to work there for my whole career.

However, I had a coworker verbally attack me. She floated to my unit as a CNA, haven't worked with her before. One big part of my job is to answer call lights. I answered one, went to the room. He was upset, as his toilet light was going off and hadn't been answered. The pt told me he needed a linen change and that there was a stool sample to be collected. He was rightfully upset, as he was alert and oriented and didn't want to deal with the smell for long. So I called the cna to inform her, and she cut me off to tell me that linen changes are not important at vitals and breakfast time, so she hung up on me. She didn't let me say the second half, that a stool sample needed to be picked up. I brushed it off, asked the nurse to take care of it since the cna hung up on me in front of the patient. A minute later the cna comes to the nurses station and in an effort to make things less awkward for the day (after being hung up on) I, with genuine concern, and in a friendly manner asked why she hung up. This escalated to a verbal attack. She told me that she doesn't have time for petty phone calls from me when she's taking vitals and that I didn't need to bother her. She yelled at me saying that I didn't tell her about the stool sample, but I told her that she didn't let me because she hung up on me. She was so so so aggressive to where I wanted to cry (but eventually did). She was up in my face cornering me in my desk space saying that she's telling ME that I didn't tell her, and she kept repeating that like she wanted to own the situation as if she was right to hang up on me. I told her that I am glad that she had it figured out and gave her a thumbs up, as this my way of protecting myself when I'm feeling like (poop) as someone is yelling at me out of the blue. I kept telling her that the conversation is over, why are you being rude to me, I don't understand why I'm being treated this way, etc... And as I was choked up, I asked if this makes her feel good to treat me this way? I told her that this isn't ok and to act like an adult. I genuinely asked that question and asked her to act like an adult because her behavior was so outrageous with coming at me, even after asking time and time again basically begging to end the conversation, it continued and my sensitive self just trying to help couldn't grasp why she was so upset with me and how this was possibly ok to talk to me and approach me the way that she was (as I have nice/friendly coworkers in general). It then moved on to her asking me "why you getting so emotional, huh? Huh? Why are you getting so emotional?" And then I cried and ran away. We both gave statements and were sent home, with me being told it was for my emotional health. I've been working, thought all was resolved, It's been two weeks since the incident. My boss's boss talked to me today and I was told that I am being written up. In my statement, I was honest with everything that happened and I gave FACTS rather than explaining the emotional parts like "I felt bullied, I felt attacked, I was scared, etc" and now apparently I am being told that my actions/ words do not reflect the type of people that they like to have at their workplace, so now I'm being written up on Friday for my poor actions. They keep telling me that I need to trust that the organization is being just and fair, but I feel as though they threw me under the bus. I am a kind, helpful, compassionate being, as all my coworkers know this, even my boss. I am so upset over this-- I was verbally attacked. Literally, my feelings are hurt, I feel broken, because I feel like my organization has allowed someone to get away with yelling at me, bullying me. I also feel like this coworker in that moment brushed me off and hung up on me because they are probably one of those people who are lazy and set in their ways and don't like being told what to do. I was also told by other people that this isn't out of the norm for her in terms of attitude. I am young(er), driven, excited to learn and help, I'm respectful, kind, and even though my direct coworkers and even boss know this, the bully won. The victim gets the same punishment even though she was trying to protect herself. Apparently I was supposed to let her hang up on me, walk up to me yelling in my face, and just sit there and take it without saying anything that might come off "disrespectful". Weak hearts always lose, apparently.

Long post, I know. I just can't accept a write up, as I am not the type to get into any type of trouble. I am still learning this thing that's required in the healthcare field --thick skin--but for now I will ask my dear, strong, seasoned nurses and healthcare workers for advice.

I have to sign the write up on Friday (apparently it's not made yet) but I have two days off. Any suggestions on what I can do to redeem myself or avoid the write up or explain myself to my bosses boss better? I can still go to my boss (whom I trust more and don't feel threatened by when I talk to her, even though she has less authority of this situation than her boss). I swear this situation has made me such a weak little girl, as I sit here crying and upset until 2 am after my shift ended at 11:30 because I feel so betrayed by my own organization over the fact that I still have to defend myself even though I was attacked/bullied...

[HyzenthlayLPN]

(((HUG)))

[AJJKRN]

Call HR and see what resources are available to you as well as employee health.

I personally would not sign the write up if I truly felt that it was in no way caused by my actions.

Have you talked to your direct manager or only their higher up?

If you do sign then this may set you up for this experience again.

I would be ready to find another job though and if that happens do not say why you left your current job but just that you are looking for new learning opportunities.

If you truly did nothing to instigate the reaction and your workplace is condoning this persons actions then this is not a place you want to grow at!

(((Cyber hugs)))

[caliotter3]

This should have been handled by the nurse at the time. For your emotional health, look for employment elsewhere. Guaranteed to be more of the same, at your expense, as long as that CNA is supported in her behavior.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I would probably write a note on the signature page before I signed it. The note would state that I disagreed with the version of events presented in the document. I would state that I had been verbally attacked by this coworker and did not instigate the conflict. I would state that my signature indicated only that I was aware of the write-up and NOT that I agreed with its contents.

I would learn from this situation that "fighting back" is still considered "fighting" by many administrators. My mother used to have a saying that she would use in response to one of us kids who would say "she started it" when we fought/argued with each other. She used to say "Well, I'm stopping it." She also used to say, "Just because 'she started it' doesn't mean you were right to continue it." That's where you made your mistake, you continued it. You should have walked away and/or called for help -- and reported the attack before you did anything to continue to fight. Once you entered into discussion to defend yourself and criticized your colleague for her bad behavior (which was truly bad), you were continuing the fight rather than ending it.

I am certainly sorry this happened to you -- and can understand that you are young and inexperienced and don't know how to behave in such situations. You also haven't learned to separate yourself from the words and actions of others. You need to develop that thicker skin to protect yourself and an attitude that reminds you "this other person is the jerk here -- not me -- and I need to not stoop to her level -- and need to keep my cool here and be the professional one.

I urge you to seek someone in your environment who you can talk toand help you cope with this and learn from it. You may need to find a new job if you don't feel comfortable working on that unit any more. But be careful about jumping to another job so quickly that you make a bad choice about it.

[thenurse19]

((HUGGS)) Time will heal this pain but for now try to do things that make you feel happy like maybe going to the movies??? They probably thought their actions of writing you up was justified because when the CNA came in you said "why did you hang up on me?" - anyone who wasn't there would find it hard to believe that you said this nicely even if you did which I'm sure you did say it nicely. That is probably why they have to write you up it's just protocol

I've learnt from situations like these in life myself and just don't be hard on yourself. Don't give up on your workplace just yet because every workplace has its flaws no matter how great the workplace is- you just have to work with it sometimes

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I would probably write a note on the signature page before I signed it. The note would state that I disagreed with the version of events presented in the document. I would state that I had been verbally attacked by this coworker and did not instigate the conflict. I would state that my signature indicated only that I was aware of the write-up and NOT that I agreed with its contents.

I would learn from this situation that "fighting back" is still considered "fighting" by many administrators. My mother used to have a saying that she would use in response to one of us kids who would say "she started it" when we fought/argued with each other. She used to say "Well, I'm stopping it." She also used to say, "Just because 'she started it' doesn't mean you were right to continue it." That's where you made your mistake, you continued it. You should have walked away and/or called for help -- and reported the attack before you did anything to continue to fight. Once you entered into discussion to defend yourself and criticized your colleague for her bad behavior (which was truly bad), you were continuing the fight rather than ending it.

I am certainly sorry this happened to you -- and can understand that you are young and inexperienced and don't know how to behave in such situations. You also haven't learned to separate yourself from the words and actions of others. You need to develop that thicker skin to protect yourself and an attitude that reminds you "this other person is the jerk here -- not me -- and I need to not stoop to her level -- and need to keep my cool here and be the professional one.

I urge you to seek someone in your environment who you can talk toand help you cope with this and learn from it. You may need to find a new job if you don't feel comfortable working on that unit any more. But be careful about jumping to another job so quickly that you make a bad choice about it.

This!

Once you realized that this person was attacking you, you should have ended the interaction. Walk away. Talk to the charge nurse. Write it up. But disengage. "Fighting back" is fighting. Stay professional and let the other person be the jerk.

As I read the original post, the other person is not someone who frequently works on your unit. Accept that you handled the situation poorly and plan to do better next time. But you probably won't run into that particular person again, and that's a good thing. Unless you feel that YOUR poor behavior has damaged your relationship with your manager and your colleagues, no need to go jumping into another job. But understand that YOUR behavior was wrong, too. And that's why you're getting written up. Deal with it and do better in the future.

[TriciaJ, RN]

I'm with Ruby on this one. You have to remember you're an adult, even if the other person isn't acting like one. Your post is full of "I was bullied" "I was scared" "My feelings were hurt." You're using a victim stance to justify your part in it. You should have refused to engage with her and promptly called the charge nurse.

A CNA is not in charge of hiring/firing/discipline. She may try to be intimidating, but she has nothing to intimidate you with. You don't answer to her and you shouldn't bother trying. It's not your job to get her to settle down. Stay calm, call the nurse, and write up the CNA if her behaviour is inappropriate.

When you go in to sign your write-up you can add it that in the future you will not be addressing anyone's bad behaviour because you now realize it just escalates the situation and makes you look bad in the process. Your plan is to disengage and refer the matter to the charge nurse. That will show that you get it. If you try to defend your behaviour you will show that you can be easily goaded and not willing to take responsibility for your own actions.

This is probably not the CNA's first offense. She is quite possibly a work-shirkier with a paper trail started. Good luck.