Questions for Married Nursing Students!

Despareux · Mar 14, 2011

My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together for 11. He works afternoons--leaves at 3:30pm and returns home at 5:30am. Our kids do not see their father until the weekend. I see my husband for about an hour per day.

It's been really hard on our marriage. This is where "making it work" has a new meaning for us. Sometimes we feel like roommates. But we both agree to keep the perspective that school is temporary and we will get through this. I have summers off and I do get breaks in between quarters, so I try to get a much hang out time as I can with my guy.

Nursing school has changed our marriage. It's given us a new perspective on our commitment to each other. I love when we get the chance to reconnect with each other. Generally when we get into an argument, it's usually because we need to spend time together, reconnecting.

CT Pixie, BSN, RN · Mar 14, 2011

what are some of the biggest challenges?
balancing work and husband time and school things. letting "go" of being the one to be "in control" ie:i do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids homework help, i run the house, etc. i had a very difficult time stepping back and letting my husband take the reigns. he was always involved (he cooks, cleans, time with the kids etc), but to let him have 100% complete control..that was tough for me. the house wasn't cleaned like i do it, but it was clean, the meals aren't exactly what i'd make but none of us starved and it wasn't take out 7 nights a week :)
how understanding is your husband/wife?
my husband was very understanding and supportive during my lpn schooling and remains so while i am back in school to go for my rn.
do you take a day off from studying to spend time with your husband/wife?
not a whole day every week, but we had "us" time together. it wasn't the long weekend get aways or things like that, but we'd "date", go to a movie, get some dinner..or just sit and watch television together
how long have you been married?
married 10 years when i was in lpn school, together 18 years at that time.
and the biggest question....has anyone else gotten married during school?
was already married during school

answers in red

chinacatSN · Mar 14, 2011

I'm getting married soon, between this semester and the summer semester! My fiance has been so understanding and supportive throughout me being in school. I'm very thankful for that!
I guess I just want some advice, stories, or tips on how you make things work in your marriage while you are in school.
What are some of the biggest challenges?
How understanding is your husband/wife?
Do you take a day off from studying to spend time with your husband/wife?
How long have you been married?
and the biggest question....Has anyone else gotten married during school?

Some background info: My husband and I will have been married 5 years this June, together for 8 this October. We have a 3 yr old daughter. I am 26 years old and he is 31 years old. He goes to work at 6am and comes home anywhere from 3:30pm to 5:30pm.

What are some of the biggest challenges?

Spending time together, mostly. We also have different opinions on how a house should be run. He has troubles understanding why I can't clean the house after class, when I'm home. He's beginning to learn that just because I'm home, it doesn't mean I'm available or have time to clean the house. We argue about him not helping out around the house enough. Are you and your fiance living together now or not? I'm a big advocate of living together before marriage - otherwise, you might have more challenges ahead of you than you're aware of. You don't realize how particular you can be about certain things until you move in with someone who violates all those things.

How understanding is your husband?

For the most part, he's pretty understanding. I think that sometimes he likes it when I'm studying - so he has an excuse to go to a friend's house or he can go to bed early and not feel guilty about not spending time together. I also think that - to a certain degree - it's good for our marriage. For us, spending tons of time together can backfire. When we're both busy all the time, the time we do spend together is that much more precious.

Do you take a day off from studying to spend time with your husband?

Definitely. As long as I don't have a test, a paper, or some huge project due I will take time out to go out for dinner, go shopping, or just watch a movie. I just plan ahead and get things done before or after. Another tip - if your instructor posts the syllabi early, look ahead and see if you can get any of your homework done during breaks. I did ALL my homework for the first quarter of this semester during Christmas break. It was great - didn't have to worry about it at all. Papers and projects I waited on until we discussed them in class but I did all my worksheets and video write-ups.

How long have you been in nursing school since you've been with your fiance? If you've made it through at least a semester, I'd say that you're doing well. If he's made it this far without freaking out, he should be able to survive until you finish. Two people in my class have gotten divorced already and the first year isn't over with - not saying that to scare you, just saying that if your guy has lasted this long he's in better shape than others!

5LR14 · Mar 14, 2011

Thank you so much for your responses...they're appreciated! It sounds like it's going to be pretty tough, but we can handle it!

I don't like the unknown. I don't know what to expect next semester as far as how much trouble I'll have with the material. It's a short 10 week semester, so that already has me stressing about how much material will be thrown out at once...I'm just getting anxious about the first 7 or 8 months of our marriage being hard on us. But I know we can handle this, and I also knew it would be like this when we decided on our date.

Our "plan" right now is this: He works from 7-4 or 4:30. He's usually home by 5. When I'm not in class I'll be home to study, study, study until he gets home. He's an amazing cook, so he's promised he'll cook if I clean. (I LOVE to clean!) After dinner, more studying until we go to bed. This is just how we're hoping it works out! I know plans can change in an instant...

chinacatSN · Mar 14, 2011

Thank you so much for your responses...they're appreciated! It sounds like it's going to be pretty tough, but we can handle it!
I don't like the unknown. I don't know what to expect next semester as far as how much trouble I'll have with the material. It's a short 10 week semester, so that already has me stressing about how much material will be thrown out at once...I'm just getting anxious about the first 7 or 8 months of our marriage being hard on us. But I know we can handle this, and I also knew it would be like this when we decided on our date.
Our "plan" right now is this: He works from 7-4 or 4:30. He's usually home by 5. When I'm not in class I'll be home to study, study, study until he gets home. He's an amazing cook, so he's promised he'll cook if I clean. (I LOVE to clean!) After dinner, more studying until we go to bed. This is just how we're hoping it works out! I know plans can change in an instant...

Just be prepared is all I can say. You may not have TIME to clean. He may become upset because you don't have time to do things around the house and most of the load falls on him. It will probably be easier after the accelerated semester though - our accelerated semesters are HELL on Earth. Two 12 hour clinical days a week, plus class, plus 45 mins drive time one way, plus a test every week and a quiz every day and homework. At least you don't have kids, so your house won't get messy as fast and you won't have little people taking up all your time!

5LR14 · Mar 14, 2011

Some background info: My husband and I will have been married 5 years this June, together for 8 this October. We have a 3 yr old daughter. I am 26 years old and he is 31 years old. He goes to work at 6am and comes home anywhere from 3:30pm to 5:30pm.
What are some of the biggest challenges?
Spending time together, mostly. We also have different opinions on how a house should be run. He has troubles understanding why I can't clean the house after class, when I'm home. He's beginning to learn that just because I'm home, it doesn't mean I'm available or have time to clean the house. We argue about him not helping out around the house enough. Are you and your fiance living together now or not? I'm a big advocate of living together before marriage - otherwise, you might have more challenges ahead of you than you're aware of. You don't realize how particular you can be about certain things until you move in with someone who violates all those things.
How understanding is your husband?
For the most part, he's pretty understanding. I think that sometimes he likes it when I'm studying - so he has an excuse to go to a friend's house or he can go to bed early and not feel guilty about not spending time together. I also think that - to a certain degree - it's good for our marriage. For us, spending tons of time together can backfire. When we're both busy all the time, the time we do spend together is that much more precious.
Do you take a day off from studying to spend time with your husband?
Definitely. As long as I don't have a test, a paper, or some huge project due I will take time out to go out for dinner, go shopping, or just watch a movie. I just plan ahead and get things done before or after. Another tip - if your instructor posts the syllabi early, look ahead and see if you can get any of your homework done during breaks. I did ALL my homework for the first quarter of this semester during Christmas break. It was great - didn't have to worry about it at all. Papers and projects I waited on until we discussed them in class but I did all my worksheets and video write-ups.
How long have you been in nursing school since you've been with your fiance? If you've made it through at least a semester, I'd say that you're doing well. If he's made it this far without freaking out, he should be able to survive until you finish. Two people in my class have gotten divorced already and the first year isn't over with - not saying that to scare you, just saying that if your guy has lasted this long he's in better shape than others!

More background... I'm 20, he's 24. We've been together 4 years, engaged for 11 months. I've known him since I was 9 or 10. We don't live together, and we will not be living together until we are married. (religious/personal reasons) I'm in my 3rd semester of school, out of 5. I'll start my 4th semester 2 weeks after our wedding. So he's been with me throughout the entire time + the applying process. No freak outs yet! ...on his end at least. I have had a few, but he pulls me back down to reality pretty quickly!

Oh yeah, and I can already tell we have some different views on house keeping...this should be interesting!

5LR14 · Mar 14, 2011

Just be prepared is all I can say. You may not have TIME to clean. He may become upset because you don't have time to do things around the house and most of the load falls on him. It will probably be easier after the accelerated semester though - our accelerated semesters are HELL on Earth. Two 12 hour clinical days a week, plus class, plus 45 mins drive time one way, plus a test every week and a quiz every day and homework. At least you don't have kids, so your house won't get messy as fast and you won't have little people taking up all your time!

Thank you for your advice!

digitiminimi · Mar 14, 2011

What are some of the biggest challenges?

Dealing with the guilt of studying/doing schoolwork instead of spending time with my husband, cooking, housework, etc. Cooking during nursing school has been a real challenge for me and I constantly feel guilty for not having homecooked food for him instead of frozen dinners, pizza, sandwiches, etc. I need to work on that aspect. I guess the biggest challenge is basically the GUILT I feel, and having to balance school, husband, family, friends. Summer is coming and I know that I won't be able to go out and enjoy it with him like I have in the past :down:

How understanding is your husband/wife? He's very understanding and always tells me not to worry about cooking, etc and has even stepped up and started doing some chores he never did before.

Do you take a day off from studying to spend time with your husband/wife? Yes I don't study at all on Friday or Saturday.

How long have you been married? 2.5 years. Did not get married during school.

When I do spend quality time with him, I make sure I'm not distracted with anything else or looking up things for school during that time. Take a minimum of one day off from studying a week. Make sure you keep up with important household-related things that need to be done. Ask your husband for help with things if he doesn't step up. If you have a break between semesters or terms, book a vacation. If you can't do that, go on a roadtrip or something like that. You should also prepare him by telling him how schoolwork will impact your ability to spend time with him. Most guys will be really understanding and know that this is just temporary and will make both your lives better. Congratulations on your marriage!

JROregon, ASN, BSN, RN · Mar 14, 2011

My only advice is not to add kids into the mix until you have 2 years of actual nursing experience under your belt. I'm older and have school age kids. I started school when my youngest began k-garten. My husband is very supportive of my schooling but likes to make sure I carve out time for him. My kids are fairly understanding but I can tell they miss me a lot when I come home from clinicals and they want to talk non-stop and I just want to put up my feel and decompress. If you haven't already done so, learn to use your study time wisely. Our instructors are pretty good about letting us know what is important but there are still students trying to memorize the minutia. Give your hubby at least 2 evening a week or more.

I've seen some crazy relationship issues in nursing school and if a marriage is gonna go "south", it was already on it's way. Another hint, don't get into a study group with any nice looking male students.

Emilynn09 · Mar 14, 2011

What are some of the biggest challenges?
How understanding is your husband/wife?
Do you take a day off from studying to spend time with your husband/wife?
How long have you been married?
and the biggest question....Has anyone else gotten married during school?

I would say our biggest challenge is getting laundry done; neither of us likes to do it and sometimes it gets backed up quite a bit and turns into an entire day's affair.

I take Sunday off from studying. I spend time with my husband, or with my family; whatever is needed at that particular time, but Sunday is the no school day here at my house. During the week, once in a while we will go out to dinner and call it a date. Even though I have to study, I still have to eat. We always eat together, even if it is at home. It's our time to chit chat and catch up with each other.

We have been married for four years, we have no children.

We did not get married during nursing school; I know of a girl in my class who was planning a wedding and failed a course because of it, and has decided to hold off on getting married until we graduate. Planning a wedding is a HUGE responsibility. I can't even imagine all the stress it would take to plan one during nursing school.

I am LUCKY! I know this from reading on this site here and hearing about class mates struggles with family and husbands/ wives. My husband does everything, mostly everything around the house so that I can focus on school. My responsibilities include managing the expenses, making a grocery list, and cooking our meals. Hubby does everything else. He's a wonderfully understanding man, and while nursing school seems to push many people away from each other it's really made me appreciate him a lot more because he's just been so willing to do whatever it takes for me to accomplish my dream.

I couldn't ask for a better man to have helped me get through nursing school. :heartbeat

2011NursingStudent · Mar 14, 2011

I'm getting married in August =) Congrats to you, I know how crazy planning a wedding can get!