I will spit my question out first- then you can choose to read my rambling story if you choose :) As a nurse, how to you deal with seeing injustice and mistreatment to children? (particularly where drug addicted/abusive parents are involved)
As someone who is passionate about a future nursing career, I lay in bed every night wondering what will be my first job as a nurse. I am currently doing pre-req's right now. Every day is a step closer!
When I think about my 'first job' I feel drawn towards: 1) OB 2) NICU/Ped's 3) Emergency (in that order). Then I hit a mental roadblock. My BIGGEST issue is that I am a "Momma Bear". I have a 2 year old who I adore. We may not have alot of money but she will grow up knowing she is loved and cared for. I love kids, I love babies, I loved pregnancy/breastfeeding, I love making people feel better (kids in particular).
The area that I live has a pretty high level of...."underserved" as well as alot of drug use. This is where the "Mama Bear" comes out in me- and not in a good way. I don't know HOW I could see an innocent child be admitted as a result of their irresponsible parents. Or a drug addicted mother who has spent her enitre pregnancy using meth. Or the parents who are playing on new phones while their children are filthy and playing on the floor of the ED waiting room.
Do you just have to resign yourself to the fact that the world isnt always nice and that some kids come from good homes and some don't? I wanna cry just thinking about it!. It seems the places I want to work the most are where I would be seeing the most of that. How do you deal? Are those bad places for a tender heart like myself?
P.S. As a side note I already work at the local hospital in the Cardio Vascular Lab (scheduling). Just working there I have seen enough to keep me awake at night. What can I say, I have one big tender heart :redpinkhe
as a nurse, you will be required (mandated) to report suspected abuse to the authorities.
you need to learn to do what you are able to do for your patients and, having involved the authorities, let it go.
it might not help to know, but i hope it does, that addiction is just that - addiction. the addict is a pitiful creature. he or she simply must have the drug. the craving for it is mental and physical, relentless, relieved only by the drug itself. it's a hell on earth situation, truly.
that does not mean that you should not put the children first. just try to develop a professional detachment. don't get overly close to the children. yes, it hurts, a lot sometimes.
once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. he had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
one day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. he smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
as he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. the young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
he came closer still and called out "good morning! may i ask what it is that you are doing?"
the young man paused, looked up, and replied "throwing starfish into the ocean."
"i must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
to this, the young man replied, "the sun is up and the tide is going out. if i don't throw them in, they'll die."
upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "but, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? you can't possibly make a difference!"
at this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. as it met the water, he said, "it made a difference for that one."
helen keller said that she couldn't do it all but she could do something, she was only one person, but still she was one.
better to light a candle than curse the darkness, right?
just rein in your emotions and keep your patient's welfare foremost in your mind. also, try to not judge. things aren't always what they appear to be. and keep in mind that slugging someone will only land you in jail and will not help anyone.
i'll remember crystal on the day i die. she is burned into my memory. i was a student nurse during my peds rotation when i met the 3 year old and her family. she had oi as did several of her 13 siblings, some of whom had died earlier. the family lived in a tarpaper shack with no electricity, indoor plumbing or running water. the mother was 7 months pregnant the day crystal was admitted. her appendix had ruptured and when her parents finally brought her to the er, her temp was 104.8 and she was near death. prayer hadn't cured her afterall.
the resulting surgery removed her appendix, bladder, left kidney, spleen, gall bladder, ovaries, uterus and enough intestine that she had a colostomy. the or team had placed her on a pillow. that her parents were grieving and distraught did absolutely nothing to diminish my despair, frustration, or
fury. it was all so %^&**(@# unnecessary. if only she had had surgery sooner. the surgeon estimated that her symptoms had begun about 1 month prior to her admission.
she died on her 6th post-op day.
a part of me died that day... and much of my innocence along with that piece of my soul.
kathy
shar pei mom:paw::paw:
there was a particular, sweet little girl from my own peds rotation who i thought i'd never forget. well, 3 decades later i have not forgotten but i no longer feel the sadness or pain i felt back then. i can still see how she signed her name, using some backwards letters, and i remember her sweet personality and her little face, distorted by disease. i bring her up to say that the memory might not fully fade, but the pain does. at least, it did for me.
maybe i've just lived long enough and had other pains that were even worse, maybe i've just grown to accept that life is filled with many heartaches. i also believe in god and that he is king of all and that, in his way, things are working out as he deems best. never mind that i don't understand or that i would, in all my earthly, finite, human "wisdom", do it differently. i guess you could say i've learned to trust him. and it took some years for that trust and acceptance to develop.
to all who hurt, i pray for your peace. that is not to say we shouldn't take the steps in life that we can take to alleviate suffering for children and for people/patients of whatever age. it's just that the suffering we see around us doesn't have to consume us. praising god is the key, i think. he abides in our praises. and i guess those praises can be words to him and deeds, in his name, in his spirit, in his love, that help our fellow travelers and ourselves.
i happen to be a christian but i think whatever religion one follows probably teaches something similar. i'd be interested to hear perspectives on this from those of other faiths. hey, we're nurses, brothers and sisters in the greatest helping profession! we can do this!
This is why I kinda cringe whenever I hear some earnest student (young or older) say, "I really want to work (peds, NICU, child psych) because I just love children!!!!!" Frankly, it not only takes a lot more than "loving children" to work in these areas, "loving children" can be somewhat of a handicap. You have to be able to maintain some degree of objectivity, and not allow your personal views and emotions to interfere with your doing your job. I've worked in child psych much of my career, and you encounter gut-wrenching, heart-rending situations all the time that will just tear you up if you let them. A certain degree of detachment if necessary and therapeutic (for the kids as well as for you).
Each individual has to figure out for her/himself whether these are situations you can deal with professionally and therapeutically. You will get somewhat of a feel for that in the course of your nursing education.
Welcome to allnurses! :balloons: Best wishes for your studies!
I totally get what you mean when you say that a love for kids could be a handicap! If you don't mind my asking, was child psych where you went straight out of nursing school?
As a school nurse I have unfortunately dealt with this as well. I have had a student tell his teacher (who asked about his black eye) that his mom hit him and he was scared to go home. This was when school started. The teacher did nothing all day, did not call CPS (as she is required by law to do), and finally sent the kid to me at 2:45 when the day is over at 3. Of course I called immediately but they could not get there quickly enough. I had to put that kid on the bus and it broke my heart to do it. Thankfully, he did not get hit that night, but it could have been very, very different. CPS investigated and that student still lives at home.
There are other kids that I KNOW are chronically abused, physically and one I suspect sexually, and CPS has been involved many times but nothing ever comes of it. I know they have their regulations and have to investigate and collect evidence, but it just seems the system is failing these kids.
So, I can either fall apart about it and let my emotions take over, which does the kids no good. Or, I can "stuff it" and try and do the best by those kids. Reminds me of an episode of Grey's Anatomy when Bailey said something like "you're feeling your feelings all out in the open. Do me a favor and stuff them back in". I stuff them back in and take care of the kids. Later, when it is safe to do so, I might fall apart, but my main priority is doing right by the kids, not my own emotions (although it is important to have a safe place to talk about your feelings...counseling, debriefing, something. Keeping them stuffed forever doesn't help anyone in the long run either.)
I totally get what you mean when you say that a love for kids could be a handicap! If you don't mind my asking, was child psych where you went straight out of nursing school?
I worked in adult psych for five or six years before seeking out an opportunity in child psych (where I lived, I had to commute two hours each way for the nearest child psych job). After a few years as a staff nurse in inpatient adolescent psych, I went to grad school to become a child psych CNS.
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
When I worked in the ED of a very large county hospital we saw a lot of child abuse, especially sexual abuse and some cases that you would not believe. It made me very angry and had I been able to, I would have taken matters into my own hands and given the perp a bit of my own justice. But feeling like that does not help anything. All I could do was make sure the child got what he/she needed in a warm, caring, compassionate manner while protecting him/ her from further harm or kidnapping from the ED until the child could be taken to surgery or admitted. Of course the police and CPS are called immediately for intervention. And I had a very hard time separating myself from these children. I bought them toys and followed them after surgery to make sure they were doing OK. It was not healthy for me mentally to do this and after a while I had to stop. I came to realize that I could not fix every wrong done to someone else and that I could not save all these children by myself.
bigbub3000
105 Posts
as a nurse, you will be required (mandated) to report suspected abuse to the authorities.
you need to learn to do what you are able to do for your patients and, having involved the authorities, let it go.
it might not help to know, but i hope it does, that addiction is just that - addiction. the addict is a pitiful creature. he or she simply must have the drug. the craving for it is mental and physical, relentless, relieved only by the drug itself. it's a hell on earth situation, truly.
that does not mean that you should not put the children first. just try to develop a professional detachment. don't get overly close to the children. yes, it hurts, a lot sometimes.
but do it for the children. god bless you.
the star thrower by loren eiseley (1907-1977)
once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. he had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
one day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. he smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
as he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. the young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
he came closer still and called out "good morning! may i ask what it is that you are doing?"
the young man paused, looked up, and replied "throwing starfish into the ocean."
"i must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
to this, the young man replied, "the sun is up and the tide is going out. if i don't throw them in, they'll die."
upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "but, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? you can't possibly make a difference!"
at this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. as it met the water, he said, "it made a difference for that one."
helen keller said that she couldn't do it all but she could do something, she was only one person, but still she was one.
better to light a candle than curse the darkness, right?
just rein in your emotions and keep your patient's welfare foremost in your mind. also, try to not judge. things aren't always what they appear to be. and keep in mind that slugging someone will only land you in jail and will not help anyone.
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