Pt.'s partner asked to have intercourse with a stoma !

[NurseLoveJoy88]

Last night we had an ostomy nurse lecture us and she told us this story: One day she had a pt. who undergone an ARP ( rectum taken out and orifice sutured shut), and she proceeded to tell the man's partner that they will no longer be able to have intercourse rectally. The homosexual couple was distraught, and then the pts. partner asked if he could have intercourse with the man's stoma.:banghead::banghead:When she first told us this it just went over my head, then it settled in and we were all like... ewww. My question is as a nurse how do you handle situations like these. I know its not good to make faces and especially not to judge, but if a pt.s partner asked me, I honestly wouldn't know what to say. I know I'll show respect and empathy, but I'll be lost for words.

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

it's a silicone ring that pts use for uterine or rectal prolapse to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor.

[muffin7]

Interesting

[cherrybreeze, ADN, RN]

Hm.

I've got a few thoughts on this whole topic and thread, and I'm not sure how to go about expressing it all, so forgive me. I have absolutely no idea if this is an old wive's tale, or used for shock value, or whatever.

People's sex lives are very private things. It's really easy to go "oh nasty!" and to judge. I think we'd all be pretty hard-pressed to share details from our own bedrooms. There's a WIDE array of what one person considers acceptable, and what another one does (I'm just speaking in general, here). Some couples stick to basics, some are more........uh, .....adventurous? Neither type is *wrong.* As nurses, we know a lot more about the physiology of certain things, though.

It may be an honest question. They may not truly know the honest difference, or why it's not right, health-wise. We take for granted the things we know a lot about, because we see it every day. There are people that don't know what a stoma truly is, because they've never known anybody that's HAD one. I think in the day to day, we forget that. I think we shouldn't judge that, or think them "gross" or deviant for having such a question. They don't know why the question is wrong. Yea, we know about all the liquid stool issues, but before the stoma is working fully, they haven't even seen that part yet. They have a hundred questions, and the resuming of their sex life is just one of the many. It's not limited to homosexual couples. It's just not talked about in the general population. IMO, better they ASK then assume what is OK to do, right?

That may have come out totally wrong, or may be totally off the point. I apologize if it is. It just didn't shock me like it seems like it shocked the majority. Maybe I'm weird?

[wooh, BSN, RN]

The thought would have never occurred to me and I'd have been shocked if a pt. asked me. This is why I read All Nurses- so I can be shocked at the computer and not suprised too much in my daily practice :)

I went searching when this came up in another thread. At first, it was, "Really???" Then I thought a bit more, and sex is an important part of life. It's not much different from para/quadraplegics' modifications to their sex life.

Glad I had my chance to get over my shock here instead of being hit with that question in real life.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

"Your sex life will be changed"..

Visuals would be required to explain why any sexual contact with a stoma would be detrimental to both partners.

Then turf it as fast as possible to the doctor.