need advice

[jamistlc]

Greetings,

I am a recovering addict person (over a year) who is also a Nurse (Licensed for the past 13 years). My drug of chioce is not usually in a drug cart and even if it was (I have had to sign for it before) I would refuse to divert it (I value my licensure, its about the only thing Ive been successful at).

In my addiction though I had become homeless and have been arrested numerous times shop lifting food and convictd. I am currently on probation since Jan. 2002, I have to report every month and in addition I drop urines (all clean) I went to treatment and completed that and now I attend 12 step meetings also documented. My problem is my past as an addict is hard to explain to someone who does not understand what drugs will do to you and what youll do to get them and how different today is from a year or two ago. I can not get a job in the only occupation I enjoy. I have not worked in over a year, soon after I told my employer about my disease she stopped calling me for work (Agency Staffing).

This problem has sent me into a depression that I am battling just to take a shower twice a week. I recognize this since it is something Ive had to deal with all my life, since age 11 actually. My DX is Duel DX of BPD and Addiction. I know I have to tell on my disease and I need to go back to a shrink (its been 3 years since Ive been medicated for the depression). And well the rationale for me writing this: Is I need a job, as a Nurse to raise my self esteem amd self worth. My problem is getting a job and explaining about my criminal convictions for petit theft and the times I did not work in the past 13 years. I know that my depression will fade away if have some hope of a future, I just need to get a job ASAP, one that will benefit my work record and not end abruptly when I can not stand saying "You want frys with that" ! For me it has to be Nursing or nothing (probably my black and white thinking from the BPD).

[sanakruz, ADN]

Maybe you could be a doula for a while?

[Brownms46]

I think maybe a good area to try would be a substance abuse treatment program or center. I see ads all the time for that. And there are diversion programs for nurses in many states, not sure about all. I would not give up what I loved. But I would also get back into tx for your BPD also. Getting back into treatment will also help you make better decisions.

I admire your courage, and salute on your progress toward recovery! I have met those who you would never have thought they have been down that road, and no one ever exrects to find themselves there either. Take care of yourself, and do more than hang in there. Go for your dreams. No one ever got anywhere...while not trying.

I understand about the depression holding you hostage, but you have to go one step at a time...until you reach your goal. I pray that you will have the strength to succeed beyond your wildest dreams:cool:

[ShandyLynnRN, BSN, RN]

Stay true to your dreams. If you've come this far, you can tackle anything!

[OBNURSEHEATHER]

Originally posted by Brownms46

I think maybe a good area to try would be a substance abuse treatment program or center.

This is a wonderful opportunity for you. I've worked rehab before, and recently just re-entered the field, and I would guesstimate that 50-75% of the staff are in recovery themselves.

It's a rewarding field, especially if it holds personal meaning for you. Please feel free to PM me about it if you'd like.

Good to see you around, I'd wondered where you'd gone.

Heather

[RNforLongTime]

HI jamis,

Was wondering what had happened to you. I know that you really enjoy being a doula, so I say keep the faith and hopefully things'll work out. Good luck. PM me anytime

[edchunt, BSN, RN]

I'm sorry I don't have advice. What I do have is the same problem, recovering clean and sober addict, currently an LPN on probation. I am in RN nursing school now without a job and 0 prospects. Perhaps I need some sound advice myself. Sometimes it seems hopless. I need a chance to work to prove myself worthy. Sometimes I don't know why I keep trying. I hope you find what you need to make yourself happy.

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

I'm sorry I don't have advice. What I do have is the same problem, recovering clean and sober addict, currently an LPN on probation. I am in RN nursing school now without a job and 0 prospects. Perhaps I need some sound advice myself. Sometimes it seems hopless. I need a chance to work to prove myself worthy. Sometimes I don't know why I keep trying. I hope you find what you need to make yourself happy.

Sent you a PM.

[StuPer]

Hi jamistlc,

As others have said I admire your courage, and perhaps a substance abuse treatment program or center would be an excellent start back. One gentle word of caution though, as you would be well aware sufferers of BPD can set themselves up to fail, reinforcing their poor self esteem. Have you had treatment for your BPD?, some DBT perhaps?.. this would help you to understand your own processes and limitations, ensuring you dont bite off more than you can chew. The reason I mention all of that is putting your faith in a job to help with your self esteem puts you in a very vulnerable position.

Take care and good luck whatever you choose to do.

regards StuPer

[CharlieRN]

There are lots of nursing jobs that don't require med handleing to any significant degree, School Nurse, Industrial Nurse, insurance physicals, ect. An addictions hx is not a problem in these areas. However, you have a golden opportunity to seek work in a field where compensation is appropriate. As far as your depression is concerned just having a job, any job, and going to work everyday, is good therapy. Just cause you take a job you don't have to keep it. You can keep changing jobs until you find something that works for you.