Nurse12390

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice! I unfortunately took a sign on bonus so I’m contracted to stay inpatient for 2.5 years. If I break the contract I have to pay all the money back. My husbands is in school and not making money so we really can’t afford loosing that money. The previous hospital I worked at did a 6 week rotating schedule which I was told when I took this position that this floor did as well. Unfortunately you don’t have much control over your schedule as a rotator and you switch between days and nights in the same week. If I had a consistent rotating schedule I think I would be okay but schedules are made to fill the holes in staffing on the floor so at the end of the day most people don’t get the schedule they signed up for. I really love nicu and feel guilty for not feeling happy there right now . we have had 3 babies pass away in the last week. A baby that I was taking care of was declared brain dead and the parents want to keep him alive for religious reasons. They plan on putting in a gtube and trach next week. I felt horrible the whole shift putting this poor kid through painful procedures to keep him alive when he is already gone. I felt so helpless and felt like I wasn’t making a difference which was really frustrating. I try to separate my feelings as best as I can but some of these kids/families really get to my heart. I think between this and the schedule/the culture on the unit I need a break. I talked to HR and have an interview for a pacu day/evening position. I feel really guilty even thinking of leaving nicu because it was my dream job and the reason I went to nursing school. But I’m hoping if I have a more consistent schedule I will have time to work on my mental health and feel better. Thanks again for all the feedback! I really appreciate it!

I’ve been a nurse for a little over two years now. One year in medsurg and another in the NICU. I love the NICU but have been feeling overwhelmed and burnt out emotionally for some time now. I’ve had a couple of traumatic patient losses lately and have not felt like myself since. I’ve been having panic attacks before going into work and either feeling really anxious the whole time I am there or completely detached which is not normal for me. I love my patients and families and it hurts me to feel like I’m not really there or in it like I used to be. I’m also required to rotate every two weeks between days and nights. Sometimes I switch between days and nights in the same week a day apart from each other. I’m always tried on this schedule and have a hard time enjoying my days off because I feel like I’m just recovering. I would like to work just days but that’s is not an option and day shifts are only offered based on seniority. I guess I’m just looking on advice on how others have dealt with feeling burnt out? I miss feeling the way I used to about nursing and just want to work towards getting better. Thanks!

Hi everyone! I’ve been a nurse for a little over two years now. I spent over a year on a medsurg/renal transplant floor and a year in the NICU. I recently relocated and started a nicu position at a different hospital. The floor is great and everyone is really nice/supportive. Yesterday I was taking care of a baby with PIE who we extubated from the conventional vent to CPAP. The parents were at the bedside after we got the kid stabilized on the CPAP. I spent a lot of time with the parents explaining everything I was doing. They would get really nervous every time the alarm went off so I took a lot of time explaining the alarms to them and I made an effort to go over everytime the alarm went off and explain what was happening and reassure them that everything was okay. I was changing out the interface on the cpap from the mask to the prongs and the baby started to desat into the 70s. I bumped up his O2 and proned him and gave him a few minutes to see if he would recover. When he didn’t recover I switched him back to the mask and put him back on his belly. I explained to the parents what happened and I felt like I alleviated their worries about the situation. After report my preceptor told me I think you kinda traumatized those parents in a joking manner. I thought she was just trying to be funny because she saw first hand how much time I spent taking to the parents and making sure they were okay. She told me they had complained to the attending that I was being too rough with their baby and they didn’t like how I was changing the mask on the CPAP too much and repositioning him. The policy at this hospital is to change out the interface on the CPAP every 3 hours to prevent skin breakdown and I always like to at least turn my patient’s head every set of cares if they are on their belly. My preceptor told me that I did nothing wrong and it’s all about the parent’s perceptive of the situation and something there is just nothing you can do. I was very upset. I’ve never had a patient/parent complain about me before. I had spent the whole day running around and going above and beyond for this kid and his family. I really took the time to talk and explain things to them and I really thought I had provided a lot of support and decreased their anxiety. My preceptor told me that I will probably be talked to by management. I’m really nervous about this. Management has a reputation of firing new people on orientation and always taking the parent’s side no matter what. I’m nervous that my preceptor didn’t stand up for me when the attending told her about the complaint. She reassured me that I did nothing wrong but I’m worried other people won’t perceive it that way and that management will fire me or write me up. I really wish the attending had come to me directly so that I could have address this issue directly with the family in that moment. That way I could have heard them out and try to make them feel better about the situation. I really care about my patients and their families and always try to do my best for them. I guess I’m just here to vent and get some advice so that I can become a better nurse from this situation. Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? If so what did you do to learn from it? Thank you so much in advance ?

Thank you for all the great feedback and advice. I really appreciate it. I just want to do everything in my power to be the best nurse I can be for my patients and coworkers. I can usually brush off the occasional rude comment. My nurse educator told me before my first shift that the nurses on the floor can be tough and to come to her if I ever feel like I’m being bullied. I previously worked for a little over a year as a CNA in a nicu while in school so I thought I was somewhat prepared to face a difficult environment. The nurses on this floor make it very clear that new nurses are not welcome. I’ve had preceptors complain that they have to precept while I was sitting right next to her. One threw a tantrum when he found out I was following him for the day. I have felt very unwelcome from the beginning and it made learning very uncomfortable. Most of the nurses spend their free time gossiping about the other nurses or critiquing the new grads. I’ve heard them make comments saying they aren’t impressed by a new nurse or that they think that person is dumb. It’s very discouraging to hear your peers break down someone who is new and trying their best. I hate when other people tear other people down. Nursing is hard and we should be building eachother up not tearing eachother down. I feel for both sides. I can’t even imagine how hard it is to be a preceptor in this kind of environment. Most of the preceptor don’t get a say and are stuck teaching when they don’t want to or have been stuck training orientee after orientee without a break. They are burnt out and I feel for them. It’s also hard being new and knowing you are not welcome and that your preceptor doesn’t want anything to do with you. My preceptor does go out of her way to teach me things and she is very knowledgeable and a good teacher/nurse. I’ve slowly become very self conscious and feel constantly stressed when I’m with her or on the unit. I’ve had panic attacks before my shifts which is something that never happened to me on my other floor. I remember my first shift with her I was trying to place my first IV on an infant and I was taking my time to find the right spot since I didn’t want to hurt the baby by attempting multiple times. She turns to the baby and goes “she better hurry up and stop being so wishy washy.” After we left the room I apologized to her for taking so long and asked for feedback. But she makes little comments like multiple times through out every shift. She also critiques things I’m doing right and will ask other nurses the right way to do it. When she finds out I did it the right way she just dismisses me. She micromanages me to the point that it’s hard for me to complete any task independently. I definitely need her to intervene if I’m doing something wrong but sometimes it over small things that I know how to do. I definitely don’t know anything and I own that and always seek out advise and feedback so that I can improve. I never complete a task I don’t know how to do without someone else walking me though it or showing me first. And I’m very appreciative for the help. I just feel like I can’t do anything right in her eyes. I’ve had times where a baby was desating and I was giving stim and forgot to turn the alarm off and a nurse will come in and angrily turn the alarm off and tell me that my alarm is annoying everyone and walk out. when I was setting up to take a baby down for my first MRI I was asking for help and everyone just sat and watched me struggle. Eventually someone helped me after I basically begged and she told me that now I can’t tell the manager that nobody helped me. I’ve never gone to management or talked to anyone about how I am feeling on the unit so I’m not sure why she made that comment. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Im trying really hard. I’m always open to feedback, try to help other to the best of my ability and try to kill everyone with kindness but it doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve never has a job where I can’t make friends or feel hated by everyone. I’m working tomorrow and I’m dreading going in and facing everyone after the comment my preceptor made to me.

My preceptorship in nursing school was hem/onc and I loved it. Maybe I will look into that. Thank you so much for all your feedback and help! I really appreciate it!

Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate it. If you don’t mind me asking what area of nursing did you end up going to after the NICU??

Thank you! I just want to address this. I am definitely not overly confident at all on the unit. I know I don’t know anything. I own that. I apologize that I don’t know things and that I need help because I can tell she’s annoyed when I do ask for help. Nicu is a different beast then the other floor I came from so I am a new grad all over again. I’m open to learning and feedback because I don’t know anything! I just feel discouraged when my preceptor talks to me and treats me like I’m incompetent of anything. I know I wasn’t ready to handle a kid that was really sick. my issue was that she wouldn’t let me help at all. I wasn’t expecting to be independent with the assignment at all. I’m not ready. But she wouldn’t let me hang an antibiotic or assist her with anything. And I only wanted to help because I could feel her stress and I wanted to help her and do whatever I could to lighten her load even though I can’t offer much right now. I was really hurt when she told me that I would have killed the kid if I had been in charge. I know I don’t know anything and I wasn’t expecting to be in charge but to hear her say that just really broke me. My patients are everything to me and to receive a comment like that completely devastated me. I just want to learn and be the best nurse I can be but I feel like I’m constantly being treated like I’m an incompetent person and that’s what really gets to me.

Thank you for response. I completely agree with everything you said. Unfortunately I have no other resources on the unit. The other nurses have made it very clear that the newer nurses are not welcome here. I do ask questions or for help if I don’t know how to do something. I make sure that I look something up or try to figure it out on my own first before going to someone else. I don’t mind having a preceptor who is direct or hard on me. I want to learn and I am very open to feedback. I make sure to ask her while I’m doing new skills or after our shift together how I can improve. She usually tells me that my reports could be more organized or that I just need more practice with a new skill so the response I got from her the other day really shocked me. I have gotten feedback from other nurses who have precepted me who told me I was doing a great job or that they could tell I was a good nurse on my other unit so not all my feedback has been negative. I even got a thank you card from a family for my care. My issue is that she micromanages me to a point where she isn’t letting me do any tasks independently. Nicu is so specialized so I definitely have skills to learn that I’ve never done before but there are skills that I’ve learned from my other floor that I am comfortable completing independently (e.g., hanging blood, bed changes, assessments, giving antibiotic/medications). I had to take a kid down for an MRI and I got everything set up to take them down and she was telling me not to use a drager and to take them down in an open crib. I had asked other nurses and they had told me that they always take kids down in a drager and I’ve seen other kids get transported down this way on the unit. She didn’t believe me and ended up verifying with someone else and when they told her that the drager was correct she said that’s what She thought and completely dismissed me. It’s just little thing like that where she questions my competency on things that I am doing right. There are alot of times I definitely need her to intervene or her feedback and I am very appreciative of that. I clearly don’t know a lot of things and I own that and am open to changing that. I was devastated when she told me that she would be the primary nurse for the patient that was unstable and I could observe. She completely dismissed me that night and kept making comments that came across like she was questioning my intelligence. At the end of the shift I decided to address why she didn’t want me to have the assignment and was completely taken back by what she said. I really want to learn and grow as a nurse but there was nothing constructive about her feedback. Her telling me that I would not have been able to resuscitate the kid broke my heart and made me feel like she thinks I’m too incompetent to do anything right and would cause a patient harm. Moving forward I’m not sure what to do. I love the patients/families in the nicu but my coworkers are not supportive and make it clear that they don’t want anyone new there. It’s hard to be in a stressful environment with no support. I don’t know if I should bring my concern to my nurse educator and ask if she could follow me for a day to make sure that my preceptors assessment of my progression during orientation is correct. I feel very hurt and embarrassed to go back to my floor. My preceptor tends to gossip a lot with her friends on the unit and I’m sure she has told them all about how she thinks I’m dumb. I here the other nurses talk about how they are not impressed with a certain new nurse or how they think she stupid all the time during my shift. It’s also awkward because my preceptor is younger than me. Not that it matters to me but I don’t know if that is something that is making her feel uncomfortable. I’m feeling very lost and find myself questioning if I’m even a good nurse or if I should just leave all together. Thanks for taking the time to read and for all your feedback. It means a lot to me.

I 100% agree that patient safety come first and I would never do anything to put their safety at risk or pretend that I know more than I do. I always make sure to ask question or for help if I don’t know how to do something. I always ask her for feedback at the end of the shift on what I can improve on for the next shift. I have taken her feedback very seriously and always look for ways to improve. It is a bit awkward because she’s younger than me (not that it matters) but knows so much and is a very good teacher/nurse. Everyone on this unit does things differently so I’ve learned different ways to do things. I always make sure to do it her way once she shows me her preferred method. She has admitted to me that she has a control problem and has apologized to me about it before. I’ve caught mistakes that providers have made before and she has completely dismissed my concerns but she ends up blaming me for and taking credit for catching them during rounds. A lot of times our only interactions is her criticizing me about something . She spends a lot of time with her friends on the unit gossiping about the other nurses or complaining about how they have to precept or how they think a new nurse is stupid. I’m usually able to make friends and have become friends with previous preceptors in the past but I haven’t been able to on this unit. I really want this to work out but now I feel really discouraged and like I am not cut out for it anymore.

Thank you for the feed back. I have now been training in the nicu now for a little over two months and it hasn’t gotten any better. I was really hopeful that it was going to be a better environment for me to work in. My preceptor is really nice but she can be very controlling. She never lets me go into rooms by myself and she will critique everything I do. Yesterday I was changing out an infant’s nasal cannula and redressing it and she was criticizing the way I cut my tegaderm because it was 1cm shorter than it needed to be. I always listen to her input and will redo things if she is unhappy with how I am preforming tasks. I am always open to feedback and constructive criticism but it’s gotten to the point where it feels like she critiques everything I do and that everything I’m doing is wrong. A lot of times she will take over things I’m doing or take medication out of my hand to do it. It’s very discouraging and I feel like I’m having a hard time accomplishing anything because she is always upsets about something I am doing. I’m new to the nicu but I was a nurse on a renal transplant floor for 2 years prior so I do have some skills that translate over. Last night we had a kid that was very sick and vented and she told me that she would be doing everything and that I could watch her. I was very discouraged and disappointed because I wanted to be apart of this kids care and it felt like she was indicating that she didn’t think I was competent enough to do so. The kid ended up coding and I tried to get involved in the code as much as I could by getting supplied/suctioning/decompressing the stomach. I was pretty upset after the code because it was my first one and it’s horrible to see your patient that way and she never debriefed with me. We were able to get the kid back and started a blood transfusion. I pointed out to her that it looks like the IV is infiltrated and she told me it looked fine. I was concerned so I was checking the site every 30 minutes. The IV ended up infiltrating pretty badly and when we went in together to asses she asked me if it looked like this 30 minutes ago which I responded no. She then asked me if I was sure which I was very insulted by and told her I would never keep something infusing through an infiltrated IV. My patients are everything to me and I work really hard to learn as much as I can to be the best nurse I can be for my patients. When I was in the nursery training I received very positive feedback and was told that they could tell I was a good nurse on my other unit and that I was doing really well. I even got thank you cards from families I had while over there. I was with a different preceptor the other week and she told me that I did an amazing job and gave a very detailed report. My other preceptor often talks over me while I’m giving report and makes me practice with her before giving report. I’m more than happy for any opportunity to learn but other preceptors have never had a problem with how I give report on this unit and when I’ve ask for feedback they always tell me that my reports are good. I decided to talk to my preceptor about why she wouldn’t let me help with the sicker kid because it was really bothering me. This week she has been especially critical of everything I have been doing and won’t let me do anything on my own so I wanted to clear the air. I was hoping to get feedback on how I can improve and if I am where I should be at this point in my orientation. She basically told me I’m lacking critical thinking skills and time management/prioritization. She told me that if she had let me have more control in the assignment last night that the kid wouldn’t have been recovered. Which really made me sad when she said that. I really want to improve and do better but it seems like my preceptor has no faith in me and thinks I’m a bad nurse who shouldn’t be there. Her response broke my heart and it made me feel like I’m a terrible nurse. It even made me consider transferring to a different floor. The nicu has always been my dream job and I’ve worked really hard to get a job on this unit. I’m devastated that this has been my experience on this floor so far. I know the turn over rate on the floor is very high due to bullying and the senior nurses make it very clear that newer nurses are not welcome there. I’m looking for advise of any kind. I’m just completely devastated and questioning if I should even be a nurse at this point. Thank you for reading and sorry this post is so long!

Thank you for the feed back. I have now been training in the nicu now for a little over two months and it hasn’t gotten any better. I was really hopeful that it was going to be a better environment for me to work in. My preceptor is really nice but she can be very controlling. She never lets me go into rooms by myself and she will critique everything I do. Yesterday I was changing out an infant’s nasal cannula and redressing it and she was criticizing the way I cut my tegaderm because it was 1cm shorter than it needed to be. I always listen to her input and will redo things if she is unhappy with how I am preforming tasks. I am always open to feedback and constructive criticism but it’s gotten to the point where it feels like she critiques everything I do and that everything I’m doing is wrong. A lot of times she will take over things I’m doing or take medication out of my hand to do it. It’s very discouraging and I feel like I’m having a hard time accomplishing anything because she is always upsets about something I am doing. I’m new to the nicu but I was a nurse on a renal transplant floor for 2 years prior so I do have some skills that translate over. Last night we had a kid that was very sick and vented and she told me that she would be doing everything and that I could watch her. I was very discouraged and disappointed because I wanted to be apart of this kids care and it felt like she was indicating that she didn’t think I was competent enough to do so. The kid ended up coding and I tried to get involved in the code as much as I could by getting supplied/suctioning/decompressing the stomach. I was pretty upset after the code because it was my first one and it’s horrible to see your patient that way and she never debriefed with me. We were able to get the kid back and started a blood transfusion. I pointed out to her that it looks like the IV is infiltrated and she told me it looked fine. I was concerned so I was checking the site every 30 minutes. The IV ended up infiltrating pretty badly and when we went in together to asses she asked me if it looked like this 30 minutes ago which I responded no. She then asked me if I was sure which I was very insulted by and told her I would never keep something infusing through an infiltrated IV. My patients are everything to me and I work really hard to learn as much as I can to be the best nurse I can be for my patients. When I was in the nursery training I received very positive feedback and was told that they could tell I was a good nurse on my other unit and that I was doing really well. I even got thank you cards from families I had while over there. I was with a different preceptor the other week and she told me that I did an amazing job and gave a very detailed report. My other preceptor often talks over me while I’m giving report and makes me practice with her before giving report. I’m more than happy for any opportunity to learn but other preceptors have never had a problem with how I give report on this unit and when I’ve ask for feedback they always tell me that my reports are good. I decided to talk to my preceptor about why she wouldn’t let me help with the sicker kid because it was really bothering me. This week she has been especially critical of everything I have been doing and won’t let me do anything on my own so I wanted to clear the air. I was hoping to get feedback on how I can improve and if I am where I should be at this point in my orientation. She basically told me I’m lacking critical thinking skills and time management/prioritization. She told me that if she had let me have more control in the assignment last night that the kid wouldn’t have been recovered. Which really made me sad when she said that. I really want to improve and do better but it seems like my preceptor has no faith in me and thinks I’m a bad nurse who shouldn’t be there. Her response broke my heart and it made me feel like I’m a terrible nurse. It even made me consider transferring to a different floor. The nicu has always been my dream job and I’ve worked really hard to get a job on this unit. I’m devastated that this has been my experience on this floor so far. I know the turn over rate on the floor is very high due to bullying and the senior nurses make it very clear that newer nurses are not welcome there. I’m looking for advise of any kind. I’m just completely devastated and questioning if I should even be a nurse at this point. Thank you for reading and sorry this post is so long!

Thank you! I love this feedback! That’s usually my go to is to kill people with kindness. I always greet everyone and thank the nursing handing patients off to me in report for their hard work. I’ve had nurses chew me out in report and I thank them for their feedback and expertise. In previous jobs this method has worked but not so much on this floor. I’m just going to try to find a balance between being assertive but also kind and hopefully that will change their tune towards me. I agree with sticking it out and finding other ways to stay busy! I definitely think I need to take a step back from how others are making me feels so that I can judge the jobs for what it is and make a decision based off that. Thank you for your great advice ?

A lot of the same staff work on both of the floors. The one time I floated over to NICU the person who was assigned to orient me for the day threw a huge tantrum about having to teach me. He did later apologize to me which a lot of staff who had the same attitude while teaching me didn’t. I will definitely take this as an opportunity to be more assertive. I know management is aware of the bullying/negative attitudes on the floor and don’t know how to fix it. I think my next check in with management though I will share some of my experiences so hopefully other new nurses on the floor don’t have to go through what I am. Right now I’m worried that my negative experiences are impacting how I see this job. Im going to try to stick it out and take a step back to make sure it’s a good fit for me. I really love acute care and constantly being busy at work which I haven’t been getting a lot of on this unit. Any recommendations? Thank you so much!

Thank you for the great advise! I think this is a good opportunity for me to practice being more assertive with my coworkers. I want to try to stick it out. Right now I’m not sure if the negative atmosphere is skewing my perception of the job or if it actually isn’t a good fit for me. I appreciate the great advise and for you taking the time to respond! Thank you?