Thank you for response. I completely agree with everything you said. Unfortunately I have no other resources on the unit. The other nurses have made it very clear that the newer nurses are not welcome here. I do ask questions or for help if I don’t know how to do something. I make sure that I look something up or try to figure it out on my own first before going to someone else. I don’t mind having a preceptor who is direct or hard on me. I want to learn and I am very open to feedback. I make sure to ask her while I’m doing new skills or after our shift together how I can improve. She usually tells me that my reports could be more organized or that I just need more practice with a new skill so the response I got from her the other day really shocked me. I have gotten feedback from other nurses who have precepted me who told me I was doing a great job or that they could tell I was a good nurse on my other unit so not all my feedback has been negative. I even got a thank you card from a family for my care.
My issue is that she micromanages me to a point where she isn’t letting me do any tasks independently. Nicu is so specialized so I definitely have skills to learn that I’ve never done before but there are skills that I’ve learned from my other floor that I am comfortable completing independently (e.g., hanging blood, bed changes, assessments, giving antibiotic/medications).
I had to take a kid down for an MRI and I got everything set up to take them down and she was telling me not to use a drager and to take them down in an open crib. I had asked other nurses and they had told me that they always take kids down in a drager and I’ve seen other kids get transported down this way on the unit. She didn’t believe me and ended up verifying with someone else and when they told her that the drager was correct she said that’s what She thought and completely dismissed me. It’s just little thing like that where she questions my competency on things that I am doing right. There are alot of times I definitely need her to intervene or her feedback and I am very appreciative of that. I clearly don’t know a lot of things and I own that and am open to changing that.
I was devastated when she told me that she would be the primary nurse for the patient that was unstable and I could observe. She completely dismissed me that night and kept making comments that came across like she was questioning my intelligence.
At the end of the shift I decided to address why she didn’t want me to have the assignment and was completely taken back by what she said. I really want to learn and grow as a nurse but there was nothing constructive about her feedback. Her telling me that I would not have been able to resuscitate the kid broke my heart and made me feel like she thinks I’m too incompetent to do anything right and would cause a patient harm.
Moving forward I’m not sure what to do. I love the patients/families in the nicu but my coworkers are not supportive and make it clear that they don’t want anyone new there. It’s hard to be in a stressful environment with no support. I don’t know if I should bring my concern to my nurse educator and ask if she could follow me for a day to make sure that my preceptors assessment of my progression during orientation is correct. I feel very hurt and embarrassed to go back to my floor. My preceptor tends to gossip a lot with her friends on the unit and I’m sure she has told them all about how she thinks I’m dumb. I here the other nurses talk about how they are not impressed with a certain new nurse or how they think she stupid all the time during my shift. It’s also awkward because my preceptor is younger than me. Not that it matters to me but I don’t know if that is something that is making her feel uncomfortable. I’m feeling very lost and find myself questioning if I’m even a good nurse or if I should just leave all together. Thanks for taking the time to read and for all your feedback. It means a lot to me.