I'm a new grad nurse and I didn't see any of this coming. I was assigned to screen ER patients who have COVID symptoms but am floated wherever they want me. The atmosphere is tense and heavy and clouded with fear. I am afraid. One of my friends, a healthy young individual, just passed away. Many nurses have chosen to quit and stay home with their families because this isn't what they signed up for. When I go to work, I am barely keeping it together. We have barely any PPE and can't wear a mask unless the pt is on a ventilator. It's only a matter of time before we all get sick. Staff are told to come in even though they're sick. I have met many young patients with no significant PMH/PSH who go on from walking and talking to dead in such a short time. We were asked my management to put together advance directives. I called my husband to ask whether I could list him - no response. A month ago I separated from my husband. Just as things started getting bad in our state he disappeared on me. No response to calls or texts and removed me from policies, accounts, credit cards without telling me. Guess I am truly alone during this crisis. He still lives in "our" house and I have fantasized about stopping by and asking him how he went from not wanting to separate to apparently hating my guts so much that he doesn't care if I die.
Even if I physically survive through this, I feel like I have already died. I would love any ideas on how to cope with this crisis as a new grad nurse on the front lines.