I have a psychotic disorder. I am in a BSN program. I managed to pass my first semester of an accelerated program with 4 Bs and a C. Yet I wonder if it is responsible of me to become a nurse given my history of psychoses.
I consider giving up on this career choice despite shelling out 20k in loans.
I have not had psychoses in two years, but its only a matter of time before it returns. I wonder If I am being responsible pursing this career.
I desperately want to not be disabled by this condition and pursue a normal career path. I desperately want to reclaim my life from the ruinations psychoses caused, but perhaps I am not being realistic.
The doctors state my goals are attainable, and my progneses very good perhaps I should believe them I just don't.
I view this diagnoses as the end of my life. I repeatedly get told I can do this, but I don't believe it. I have been an inpatient in a psychiatric ward .
I suppose I should listen to the doctors when they tell me there is no reason to give up on my dreams that I am capable of this they would know, but it is difficult.
I wonder if I can give the proper care given my condition. Of course when I am stable I have no doubt, but when I am unstable I wonder if I might endanger the patient unintentionally, but none the less whether or not I have any business doing this career path.
Its probably irrelevant as I have my doubts I will pass through nursing school despite passing my first semester.
Call me cynical, but my life experiences have made me so.
I wonder if pursuing this career is even responsible of me given my history. I might be able to pass, and I might even be able to give adequate care for a time, but given my history I wonder if I might not end up endangering a patient at a certain point. Perhaps I should cease my pursuit of this.