Hi everyone!
First post here so please bear with me. Thank you in advance.
I'm a new grad RN in the ED at a trauma center in CA. Prior to starting at this hospital, I worked as an extern in the ED at a smaller community hospital for 2 years but left because I wanted more exposure and experience. My orientation at this hospital is about 18 weeks where I was assigned a preceptor with 5+ years of experience. Although she was a smart nurse, she was extremely narcissistic and moody. I understand that she wanted to let me learn how to take on a full load but she was sitting through entire shifts without really helping me at all. If I asked her questions, she would respond with sarcastic remarks. Just recently, we were in the trauma zone and I was about to start an IV when she pushed me away and said: "You need to get faster." I understand she's more experienced but I am positive that I would have taken just as long as she did to start that IV. This is not out of being overconfident or arrogant but that's truly how I felt. She continued to remain extremely moody with rapid mood swings for the entire shift. I was supposed to have a different preceptor but she went out of her way to get the schedule changed so I could stay with her. If I discussed feeling overwhelmed, she would end the conversation immediately by saying that the ED is not for everyone.
I have been in the ED for 4 years and love the pace. I like the challenge and the ED here has so many resources. It's just so overwhelming. I can't sleep right. I look disgruntled when I get to work. I put on a mask for my patients but I spend all my days off just sleeping. I have lost 10 pounds in 2 months and my anxiety is at an all-time high. I realized how bad my anxiety was when I thought that getting hit by a car while crossing the street would be better if it meant I didn't have to go to work. I'm surrounded by nurses who legit don't give a *** about their patients and are either there to compete against the doctors/get their paycheck/gossip. I guess maybe it's because I'm new (or so have been told) but I don't want to stay in this profession if it means that I'm going to become heartless. I'm just miserable. I don't know if this is because of my preceptor, the ED or nursing. I expected the anxiety and all but I just didn't think I would feel this. I don't know what to do. So please help.
