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New Grad ER RN - Help

Emergency   (184 Views 2 Comments)
by SK2019 SK2019 (New) New Nurse Student

51 Profile Views; 4 Posts

Hi everyone! 

First post here so please bear with me. Thank you in advance.

I'm a new grad RN in the ED at a trauma center in CA. Prior to starting at this hospital, I worked as an extern in the ED at a smaller community hospital for 2 years but left because I wanted more exposure and experience. My orientation at this hospital is about 18 weeks where I was assigned a preceptor with 5+ years of experience. Although she was a smart nurse, she was extremely narcissistic and moody. I understand that she wanted to let me learn how to take on a full load but she was sitting through entire shifts without really helping me at all. If I asked her questions, she would respond with sarcastic remarks. Just recently, we were in the trauma zone and I was about to start an IV when she pushed me away and said: "You need to get faster." I understand she's more experienced but I am positive that I would have taken just as long as she did to start that IV. This is not out of being overconfident or arrogant but that's truly how I felt. She continued to remain extremely moody with rapid mood swings for the entire shift. I was supposed to have a different preceptor but she went out of her way to get the schedule changed so I could stay with her. If I discussed feeling overwhelmed, she would end the conversation immediately by saying that the ED is not for everyone. 

I have been in the ED for 4 years and love the pace. I like the challenge and the ED here has so many resources. It's just so overwhelming. I can't sleep right. I look disgruntled when I get to work. I put on a mask for my patients but I spend all my days off just sleeping. I have lost 10 pounds in 2 months and my anxiety is at an all-time high. I realized how bad my anxiety was when I thought that getting hit by a car while crossing the street would be better if it meant I didn't have to go to work. I'm surrounded by nurses who legit don't give a *** about their patients and are either there to compete against the doctors/get their paycheck/gossip. I guess maybe it's because I'm new (or so have been told) but I don't want to stay in this profession if it means that I'm going to become heartless. I'm just miserable. I don't know if this is because of my preceptor, the ED or nursing. I expected the anxiety and all but I just didn't think I would feel this. I don't know what to do. So please help.

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12 Followers; 3,682 Posts; 27,321 Profile Views

Sorry to hear this. I would be considering all my options. Find somewhere to work where they do care something about others. Life seriously is just too short for this. Get out there and enjoy it instead. You don't have to do this.

Take care of yourself. Take positive steps towards finding a workplace that is minimally enjoyable. Just put your mind to it; I wouldn't be surprised if just making that positive decision alleviates some of the burden you are feeling right now, which will allow you to feel motivated to take next steps.

What do you think?

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