Another boring day at the ranch, been holing up with a migraine that hasn't let up for two days. As such, I have a lot of time to study things, think about my upcoming move to Fresno for schooling and the nursing program. On a sidenote, a big thanks to Jowelenne, at Mercy Medical Center Merced for your advice to go to Fresno, and for helping me so much in general.
I have a lot of family who are/were either nurses or doctors. The medical field has always been a fascinating deal for me. I suppose it came natural to me, at 16, to do my first PICC line on my dad.
Sure, in high school, my nickname may have been the shrink. I loved trying to help people with their issues, but never thought I'd try to make a career out of it. At one point perhaps at 18/19, I considered taking my moms path as an RN, and concluded I didn't want to have to tell patients family members that I just coded their loved one, and could not save them. Or have to tell a pregnant mother that she will have a miscarriage. You know, the sad stuff. The bad of nursing. The things that I still have vivid memories of, my mom coming from her shift at 7AM exhausted because she did this all on the daily.
I reckon perspectives change over time, and mine certainly did. I reckon I toughened up, realized bad things happen every day. And I can either try to do something, think of the differences I will make, rather than the ones I could not make.
This journey to the path I chose started with anxiety I developed almost a year ago exactly. It's not that I'm a cyberchondriac who Google's every ache and pain I may experience in the day, rather I felt frustrated that I received no answers to what I was experiencing, so I just started doing my own research, and quite frankly, fell in love with becoming more knowledgeable on the subject and wanting to help others going through the same thing, and worse.
At some point, I reckon I got tired of my seemingly-never-ending pages of the psych nursing book, and broke out my mom's Lippincott manual which she used before she took the NCLEX, oh, sometime in the 80s if my memory serves me.
I, again, became glued to this, and still haven't let down.
When my work is done around my ranch, job searching is done, and my personal and social needs are fulfilled I find myself becoming waist deep in studying the nursing books, most of which I can understand pretty well. The stuff I can't understand, I flip to the next page and figure there's a time and a place to learn that particular thing.
I'd say, on average, I spend 2-3 hours of my day studying nursing. Issue being is I'm not even in the school yet.
To me, it is also a great distraction,and a fulfilling timekiller rather than the incessant, addictive realms of the internet, and makes me feel like I'm actually doing something with my time.
Is this an OK practice to do? Is it OK to enter the nursing program in 2 years having some basis and idea of what I'm in for, rather than walk in blindly? The way I see it, I'm not studying to pass a test, and make money. I want to make a difference, it's what I thrive on.
Or will this knowledge I will learn be thrown out the window, and end up fixin' myself up for failure in the long run?
I'm almost leaning on the latter, but then again, I do figure this habit is indeed a better way to kill my time than most activities. Thanks y'all!