Professional/Personal Boundaries?

[chillchick]

Hi, I am new here! :) I joined because I want to ask if something would be appropriate that I don't necessarily want to discuss with my colleagues.

Although I'm not homosexual, for various reasons, I've been active in the LGBT community in my area for a number of years. I began because my best friend is gay, and he opened my eyes to the issues they face, and I became passionate about working to deal with them.

Anyway, a while ago, I had a patient who was the victim of a gay bashing. She was in VERY bad shape. She was very angry and was yelling at many of the nurses. However, she was wonderful with me and I felt she just wanted someone to understand that she had a right to be upset (none of the other nurses knew the story behind her injury.)

Long story short, she was discharged and I'm still thinking about her. I know her name and where she works and I was thinking of contacting her to see if she had any interest in a benefit or something dedicated to her. I feel she is not well-off socioeconomically and probably is facing large medical expenses. And what's more, I didn't know such horrific things happened so close to my home, and I know others would be as outraged and upset as I am...

But, is it unprofessional or overstepping boundaries to contact her about this? I didn't speak to her about it whilst in the nursing role, but would it be a HIPA violation simply to contact her? We have good rapport and I doubt she'd mind, but I still feel like this is probably a no-no, despite my strong belief that it would be a good thing on all sides.

Advice please? xo

[caliotter3]

You would be surprised how things can go sour in an instant when dealing with people who are or were clients on the job. Don't put yourself in a position to have to rely on her keeping quiet or having good will or any third party doing the same. There are too many people who would turn you in for inappropriate behavior without blinking an eye. Contacting her from info you found out from her stay is stalking, no matter what your intentions. Do not do it.

[chillchick]

Haha thanks guys - you're so right - I knew I wouldn't do it. It's just sad because I know she isn't going to find the resources she needs. Bah, c'est la vie, right? xo

[nursel56]

Every time I see this I get more disturbed, though. This is not the first time I've read posts regarding this exact subject. One nurse who was taking care of a man beaten because he was gay, the hospital staff basically providing care to his physical injuries, bot not the psychological injuries, the assault was not reported to the police and the nurse wondered how much to share of his/her personal experience.

Another nurse, who was gay but not "out" just stood there and listened to a doctor talk about another assault victim saying something like "this ole boy will learn there are just things you don't do around this town". How absolutely awful!!

It is true that you probably didn't get to know her well enough to talk about resources or call her at home but from what you say, you are involved in the community, and I think it would be a great idea to explore this further. Are you a member of PFLAG.org ?

I'm not, but I think about it all the time as my stepdaughter is gay. I'm sure they could advise you what to do in the future should this type of situation occur again. It haunts me to think of a person having to deal with this and the isolation I am sure she felt.

[NurseAdida]

Thanks guys... I appreciate your advice. I am actually going to consult with some of my mentors though because I think different people have different ideas about where the boundaries lie in nursing.

I most likely will not do anything, especially since I am young and don't want this type of scandal...

however, she very badly needs some support and a benefit wouldn't even really be me - it would be the community I am familiar with that often does things like this. I would only be contacting her to see if it were okay/something she would be interested in... and the answer may very well be no.

Thanks again for the great advice. It's just hard because I know the resources I have access to could make a tremendous difference for her. And she needs all the help she can get, you know?

But, you're right, professional is professional and personal is personal and we should try to keep them separate.

Thanks again xo

You should have given her all that support and referred her to the community resources while she was in hospital.

She did not give you her number therefore you have no business calling her. That's stalking!

Don't put your job at risk...if she wants to talk to you about her situation she will look for you.

[chillchick]

Haha oh I just wanted to clarify - I did not write down her address or phone number or anything like that, guys! That would be downright creepy!

She and I were the same age and as stated previously she was in bad shape (physically and emotionally) so I spoke to her for a long time and we talked about her job. I was going to call her work place to see if she wanted to speak to me or whatever - I remember that because it's a restaurant I really like - I'm still not going to do that as I recognize that this could be taken the wrong way - just wanted to clarify that I'm not a total whack job! xo

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

Sounds like it was a tremendous learning experience for next time you encounter a similar situation. Then, while the patient is with you, with permission, get the social worker involved, or give him or her the information you have about things that might help.

[mammac5]

I agree this is something that should prompt each of us to be prepared to refer patients to agencies that can be helpful to them once they are discharged. Knowing our community resources is important so we can pass that info along to patients appropriately and help them know where to find support, if desired.

[mickey_RN]

chillchick,

Even if you dont contact her, its obcvious that you showed her kindness and understandind while you cared for her, nurses like you are a credit to your profession. Good Luck.