Pregnancy and nursing school.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hey everyone. This is my first post. But my fiance and I are having some serious issues right now. This is my year before I am applying for admission into the nursing program. We are wanting to have a baby before he turns 30 (in 2 more years..) but to do so we would have to get pregnant as of now. The baby would be due around June/July and i'd have a month or so off before I started my fundamentals class. Even then it's only a partial semester class...tough but only a partial and I don't really have any other classes left besides that one..so I am looking toward a part time 6 hr semester...not sure if it is the best time to get pregnant or not. If we wait until after our wedding (July 11th 2008) in which we had initially planned it is going to be ALOT harder due to admission into the program and clinicals. (I already have a 4 yr old but she's my fiance's step daughter so to speak...) Anyone have any advice on whether it would be easier to have one now or to only settle for adoption after I graduate... :( I would appreciate honest anwsers and no sugar coats...lol. Thanks!!

Because my fiance and I would not be up for having children around the house after we retire. I would like to be able to travel and do all the things I never got to growing up. (I grew up in an abusive home then was placed in foster care..so we never got to travel and such..i've never even been to an amusment yet alone barely out of the state..lol) So adoption would insure the children were closer in age...I will be here for 3 more years (longer if I were to fail anything...but i'm not thinking of that)....seems like forever! We were planning on trying after we got married next year...but that would place m having the baby my first year of clinicals....so i'm thinking it would be easier now instead of then.

I don't see how waiting 1-2 years is going to make you have children in the house when you're retired but good luck with your planning.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac.

I don't understand how waiting a few years will hurt, but that is your personal situation.

I don't think we know your age, right? But we know that there are imposed limits on your fertility based on his age. Is he going to get fixed at age 30? That's what it sounds like.

My parents traveled all over the place with me. Sure, it wasn't Paris or Italy. It was the grand canyon, or the ocean, or disneyland. I'm so grateful for that. Just because you have small children, doesn't mean you can't travel.

In a non-sugar-coating kind of way, the situation seems....weird. But I can understand the baby fever.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

personally i believe that you two should see a marriage counselor. sounds to me like your fiance is a control freak. sounds to me like he is putting his needs above yours or to say the least placing an unfair burden on you. he may not want any kids past 30 but being pregnant in nursing school is hard (i know). you described a tough life as a child and sometimes being abused as a child makes one make poor decisions about life partners when they are older-i am not saying you are doing this but he just seems selfish to me. as you type you seem to be on the same page as him, and of course having a baby is wonderful, but i sense that you may have some reservations about all this. as long as your health allows i strongly encourage you to put off children until after school. if you do have one in nursing school i can personally attest that you won't see your baby much-whether they are in daycare or being cared for by family and you will be separated even more if you have to work and go to school to make ends meet(i did). i had a 3 year old and a 7 month old when i started nursing school and i missed out on many things with the baby..and then we got a surprise the last semester of school--baby #3. at least after nursing school there are many opportunities for work-part time/prn that pays great and the time you spend away from your kid(s) is limited and you choose when to work. i work 2 days a week and its great! i still feel like a full time mom because i work basically when i want. i always vote for not letting any man talk me into anything..the ring is not even on your finger yet--get premarital counseling!! btw i had my last child at age 34(turned 35 2 weeks later and my husband is 12 years older than me). good luck!

let me just add something here..this post has really made me think. if you go to nursing school now you will have a career that will enable you to take care of yourself and make money, and take care of a child, etc. if you put off nursing school you may never go back or have another opportunity. if you start school and have a baby and it gets to be too much and you drop out you would end up with a baby and no potential to have a career (now) with a man who put his "needs" above yours to whom you would be financially dependent upon(you and your baby). i may sound harsh but this whole thing with your man wanting a child by age 30 just seems ridiculous to me!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in DOU.

I am a nursing student, and have two kids that are long past infancy, and I have to tell you: I never would have been able to devote enough time to either my school OR my babies if I had tried to do them at the same time. Do the school first. You have plenty of time for baby making. No one retires before they are 50 anyway; it is way too young.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, CVICU.
personally i believe that you two should see a marriage counselor.

:yeahthat:

there are a couple of things in the op that are a little unsettling. pirap has given you great advice. it never hurts to get help early to deal with your issues.

best of luck.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

The decision is ultimately for the two of you to make. I would really suggest you wait until after you are married. There are no guarantees in life, each day is a gift. That being said, I speak from personal experience as well as many that have posted before me.

My first semester of Nursing School, my dh was deployed to Saudi during the first Gulf War. He returned six weeks later. My first son was born after my second semester of nursing school. It was hard, exhausting, and very difficult to leave my baby at the age of two weeks to return to nursing school. I missed a lot of growth and development; however, I took comfort in the fact that he would NEVER remember the time I was away from him. Since I was/am a military wife, with No family close by for support, we had a good friend that helped me out with babysitting.

At graduation, I was about 8-10 weeks pregnant with my twins (I did not know that of course) I took boards at four months and passed the first time.

I post this to say it is not the best way to do things, but it can be done.

There is a lot of experience from many different backgrounds you can use to help you make your decision. Counseling is never a bad idea before making major decisions. Wishing you the best of luck as you make these major decisions.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Anyone have any advice on whether it would be easier to have one now or to only settle for adoption after I graduate... :(

This may sound harsh but you asked not to sugar coat it, I am of the thinking that if you think adoption is "only setteling" then maybe adoption isn't the best option for you. A person has to WANT to adopt a child for the reason of wanting to raise a child, make a difference in its life not to do it only to settle, because they want a child of a certain age at a certain time in their lives that is X amount of yrs apart from another child. Saying that you'd have to settle for adoption sounds to me as if you feel an adopted child wouldn't be as good as a biological one.

And if you think about it, how many kids are really truly "out of the house" at 18? I had my first daughter when I was a few months from turning 24, had my second one a few months from turning 33. Do you think I'll be free from kids any sooner if I had my 2nd one at 30? Not really, 3 yrs is nothing.

Nursing school is tough when its the only stressor in your life, add a baby to that mix and it makes it that much more difficult. Yes, it can be done, yes it has been done, but its not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I'd wait until I was done with school.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment